How to Be Happy Without Having a Child

Co-authored by Susan Pazak, PhD

Last Updated: March 27, 2024 References

Being childless can be a personal choice or the fate of infertility. While it does not mean you dislike children, it does allow for more time to invest in other things. Regardless of the reason you do not have children, you can be happy, as life without children can be very rewarding and fulfilling.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Finding Fulfillment Without Children

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1
Focus on your career. If you are looking to advance in your job or to learn new working skills, you may be happier without the hindrance of child rearing responsibilities distracting you from your career. You may have more time than some of your parent peers to devote to work, in which case you can take this as an opportunity to immerse yourself fully and enjoy career success.
- Chart a career path by working only the jobs that interest you, trusting your gut about which positions you accept, and developing a professional network.
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Travel more. Raising a child is an expensive endeavor. If you do not have children you may have additional disposable income, and if you love traveling, you can take this as an opportunity to do more of that.
- You could consider vacation destinations exclusively for the over-21 crowd if you want a truly child-free experience. You might also set a travel goal and plan a lifetime of travel alone or with your partner. In addition to expanding yourself culturally, you will meet a host of interesting people, and if you love interacting with others, this may just be the perfect way to attain happiness without having a child.
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Take a course to learn about investing for retirement. Savings goals are very different for people with no children than they are for people with children.^{[1]
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- Look up courses about investing for retirement in your community's classifieds or by doing a Google search on the topic.
- You could also join a regular Meetup group in your area about investing for retirement. That way, you can also meet others who are in the same boat and you can learn from each other.
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Take advantage of alone time. Make time, even if it's just five minutes, in your day to be by yourself. The benefits are plentiful and range from increased creativity to peace of mind and tranquility. You could:^{[2]
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- Start a project. Being alone can recharge you and increase your creativity. If you have a project - for work, for fun - that you've been putting off or just think would be entertaining to try, now is the time.
- Get more work done. Alone time can clear your mind and help you focus and work harder. Use your alone time to check something off your work “to do” list, without distraction. Checking something off your list will enable you to better enjoy your time off.
- Go on an adventure alone. When you are more insulated, making social connections can actually be easier, because you've put yourself in a situation where you likely want to have more social interactions. If you're typically extroverted, this can be a good way to increase your happiness levels. So take a day trip by yourself, even if is to a local park; use it to recharge and meet new people. ^{[3]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Bonding with Your Partner

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1
Start a new hobby together. You can spend quality time with your partner while learning something new. There are many hobbies that can bring you “start to finish” together time. In fact, child-free couples often report happier partnerships as they prioritize time differently than those with children and can often invest more time into their relationship than their peers with children. ^{[4]
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- For example, many couples enjoy gardening together. From going to the garden center to planting seasonal flowers, you can spend quality time with each other. You can enjoy the small talk of things you are learning about as well as enjoying the quiet sounds of the outdoors and the serene feeling the quiet brings.
Page through the Sunday paper or an online events calendar to see what events are going on around you. There are probably things you have never considered and you may find yourself enjoying a new and unexpected experience with your partner. From music and beverage tours to many different arts festivals, you can usually find something fun to do with your significant other.
Whether you prefer the mountains or beach, love a winery or brewery, or enjoy arts or sports, there is a getaway for everyone. From Travelocity to Kayak to Orbitz, there are numerous online room booking sources for hotels and B&Bs. You could even consider renting a place through a service like Airbnb. Online coupons can make such a getaway affordable.
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Begin planning for your dream vacation destination. Set goals to achieve the plan, such as how to save up money and when to go. Even if the trip doesn't come to fruition, you'll still have spent quality time with each other.
- Begin with a realistic savings plan. Learn about different saving strategies and find one that fits you. A little bit will add up over time.^{[5]
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- Consider your calendar and timing. Planning well ahead will prevent last minute conflicts. Consider your work schedule and consider how holidays affect your destination.
- Begin to learn a new language. It will add to the excitement. You can speak it to each other to practice.The planning and anticipation can be half the fun.
You can plan a romantic weekend at home and save money. Unplug! You will be surprised once you get over the initial uncomfortable feeling, how liberating it feels. You and your partner will enjoy being the center of each other’s attention as well as the quiet time. Stay in your pajamas until noon and then prepare brunch together. There are so many ways to relax and be happy at home.^{[6]
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You may have more free time than people with children and be less stressed. Use the time to be intimate and keep your relationship fresh. A great sex life has proven a key factor in enduring relationships. Childless couples report better sex lives and often greater happiness, so spend time with each other. Even just cuddling can allow you to develop your bond.^{[7]
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Exercise together. There is a clear correlation between fitness and happiness. Child-free couples may have more opportunities to exercise together, so take advantage of your free time to work out with each other.^{[8]
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- Exercise together at a gym, at home or outdoors. You can motivate each other to reach fitness goals. Your relationship will benefit and you will have personal health benefits as well.
- Join a co-ed recreational sports team. Check with your local parks to see what is in season. You will enjoy the experience together and meet other people together.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Spending Time With Others' Children

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Just because you don’t have children doesn’t mean you don’t like them. Enjoy helping and spending time with children of family members and friends. Offer to take your nieces or nephews out to a movie or arcade. You will enjoy yourself and give a much needed break to the parents.
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Volunteer with a children’s organization. Studies show the more people volunteer the happier they are. The opportunities are endless:^{[9]
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- If you like to read, sign up to read at an elementary school. Call the school parent association and ask if they have a Literacy Committee. Most schools love volunteer readers. You could also go to your local library and see if they have guest readers for story time.
- Youth coaches are always looking for assistants. Check with the schools and youth athletic organizations to share your love of a sport. Most schools and organizations will do a background check and then welcome you for much needed assistance.^{[10]
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- Check with a family homeless shelter and see if they need any homework help for the school-age children living there.^{[11]
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- Help with a holiday event at the local children's hospital.
Host a neighborhood family picnic. Use a handy online sign up sheet to host a potluck picnic. You can provide location and activities while guest bring their favorite dishes. Plan some games and crafts and enjoy participating with the neighborhood kids.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do I stand up for myself when people, like my relatives or family friends, insist that I'll want to have kids eventually? I've made up my mind by now. I just want them to respect my wishes.

Susan Pazak, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach
Dr. Susan Pazak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach. With more than 21 years of experience, she specializes in treating adolescents and adults with psychological issues using cognitive behavioral therapy, symptom reduction skills, and behavior modification techniques. She has been featured in numerous media outlets and shows, including “My Strange Addiction". Dr. Pazak holds a BA in Psychology with a minor in Communications from The University of Pittsburgh, an MA in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University, and a PhD in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University.

Susan Pazak, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach

Expert Answer

To sound more assertive, answer with your truth. Be confident in who you are and what you believe. You respect, trust, and know your own thoughts, needs and wants—now, it's simply a matter of voicing them in a clear and determined way. Instead of brushing off comments, directly tell people want you stand for without filtering your perspective.

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Tips

While your home may be couple centered versus child centered, be sure to maintain individual interests as well.

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Do not feel alone with your childless family. The numbers are greater than you think.

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Warnings

Others may think you selfish for not having kids. It is not selfish to make a choice best for your own life goals..

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While you may not have child stress, all lives have stress and conflict to deal with.

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