How to Be Respectful

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Be the kindest, most compassionate version of yourself with these simple steps

Co-authored by Kirsten Parker, MFA

Last Updated: August 24, 2024 Fact Checked

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When you want to be respectful, try to put yourself in someone else's shoes and behave in a way that shows you care. At its heart, being respectful means showing that you value other people's perspectives, time, and space.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Showing Basic Respect

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1
Show kindness and courtesy. Being respectful starts with a basic consideration of other people's feelings. Ask yourself how you'd want to be treated in a given situation, and make an effort to treat other people that way. Treat everyone you encounter—strangers on the street, coworkers, classmates and family members—with respect and courtesy.^{[1]
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- Offer people food, water, or something else when you see a need that could be met.
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Be polite. The concept of etiquette and good manners seems pointless when you're a kid, but when you grow up you realize that these customs function as a way to keep society running smoothly. Practicing good manners is a way to be respectful of other people's space and time. If no one bothered being polite, everyday situations like eating in a restaurant, waiting in line at the post office or dealing with bad traffic would be completely intolerable. Here are a few ways to be polite:^{[2]
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- Wait your turn. Don't cut in line, or cut people off in traffic, unless it's an emergency (e.g. rushing to the hospital).
- Avoid disruptive talking in public. Be quiet once the lights go down in a movie theater. Don't talk on your cell phone in indoor places like a coffee shop, store, or restaurant. (Take the call outside instead.)
- Clean up after yourself. If you make a mess, clean it. Throw away or recycle your trash, including small things like cigarette butts or food wrappers.
- Speak politely. Say please and thank you. Avoid name-calling or aggressive speech. Don't swear in polite company.^{[3]
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- Follow rules that keep things safe and pleasant. Don't eat or drink if it's not allowed somewhere. Obey signs like "don't feed the birds" or "only use a public computer for half an hour" so that the environment is pleasant for everyone.
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Refuse to discriminate. Be respectful to everyone—not just people you know or those you perceive as having a higher status than you. Some people save their respect for people upon whom they want to make a good impression, and they're rude to everyone else. But there is truth in the saying, "You can judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them."^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source

American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists

Go to source} Be kind to everyone, regardless of who they are, what they look like, or what their relationship is to you.
- Be kind to people regardless of their social status.
- Examine and let go of any negative attitudes you have towards women and girls, people of color, people with disabilities, LGBTQ+ people, people of different religions, poor people, overweight people, and other who might be viewed negatively by society. Being different does not make someone inferior. Take a "live and let live" approach.
- Be kind to people you encounter throughout the day who aren't always treated with respect. For example, homeless people are often overlooked or treated rudely, but they deserve the same respect and courtesy as anyone else.
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Respect differences in belief and opinion. Be respectful to people who are different from you, even if you don't understand them very well. The differences among us are what make life interesting, and besides, you probably have more in common with people than you know. Even when you really don't see where someone else is coming from, be courteous and civil. You don't have to love everyone you meet, and you certainly don't have to agree with them, but you can still show them respect. Be respectful of others, no matter their...
- Cultural differences
- Different religious beliefs
- Different political beliefs (aside from violent extremism)
- Sports team preferences
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Respect spaces. Any space that you share with other people should be treated with respect. Your home (if you live with other people), your school, your street, your bus line - these familiar spaces are familiar to other people, too. You wouldn't appreciate it if other people trashed the places where you spend time every day, so be sure to clean up after yourself and do your part to keep them nice for others.^{[5]
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- Clean your own messes. Pick up your trash and throw it away. Don't leave wrappers or cigarette butts for other people to clean.
- Don't graffiti public spaces (unless you're an artist, and you have permission).
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Respect the earth and all who live here. Being respectful extends beyond just being nice to other people. Remember to show respect to animals, plants and the earth itself. We're all living here together, and each one of us is deserving of respect. Treat every living creature as an individual worthy of courtesy.
- Do your part to avoid polluting the environment.
- Understand how your actions affect the rest of the world. For example, using pesticides on your lawn could contaminate the groundwater and have a negative impact on your environment. Try to make conscientious lifestyle choices.
- Know candidates' positions on the environment when you vote.
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Respect other people's possessions. It is considered rude and inconsiderate to help yourself freely to anything that does not belong to you. Ask permission before using someone's property. If you don't, you might be accused of stealing.^{[6]
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Respect personal space. Personal space varies in different situations. Strangers (e.g. people on the subway) should be given a space bubble, and it's best not to strike up conversations unless they're showing signs that they're open to talking. Friends and family members usually are more open to touching, but it's still important to make sure they're okay with it.^{[7]
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- When offering hugs and kisses, let the person see it coming so they can decline it if they don't want it for any reason. Don't make a big fuss if they say no.
- Ask before prolonged contact, such as playing with someone's hair or rubbing their back.
- Treat disability equipment (canes, wheelchairs) and service animals like extensions of a person's body. Don't touch without permission.
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Respect privacy. People's phones/computers, purses, drawers, and diaries should be private. Other people should get to set their own boundaries and choose what to share or not to share about their plans, thoughts, and feelings. Respecting privacy is important for healthy and trusting relationships.
- Knock and pause before entering a bedroom. Someone inside should have time to call out something like "Don't come in!" or "Just a minute!" before you enter.
- Don't eavesdrop.
- Don't push people to share personal information (from weekend plans to intimate dating details) if they don't volunteer it.
- If someone seems uncomfortable with a question you asked, try saying "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" to take off the pressure.
Did You Know? Family members need to respect each other's privacy too. For example, experts recommend that teens should be able to lock their bedroom doors and have some online privacy unless there's clear evidence of risky behavior.^{[8]
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HealthyChildren.org
Health information from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Go to source} Instead of making choices unilaterally, talk about privacy, expectations, and fairness as a family.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating Respectfully

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1
Listen when someone is talking. When you're having a conversation, being a good listener is a basic sign of respect.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Kirsten Parker, MFA
Mindset & Action Coach

Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.} If you look bored or interrupt the person, you're showing that you don't really care what he or she has to say. Practice listening more intently and waiting until the person is finished talking before you respond.
- Making eye contact is a good way to show that you respect what someone is saying. Other body language cues can help as well. Face the person to whom you're talking and try not to fidget while they speak.^{[12]
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  Research source} (If you're disabled and can't do this comfortably, just look at their face and fidget quietly.)
- Process what the person is saying instead of just absently nodding your head.
2
Think before you speak. When it's your turn to talk, try to formulate a respectful response. Take into account what the person was saying and voice your opinion without undermining theirs. Avoid insulting the other person by saying something rude or callous.
- It's okay to pause while you think about what to say.
- Try not to be condescending. Don't over explain a concept the other person clearly already understands. For example, don't tell a varsity athlete how to hit a baseball.
- Don't be patronizing. Along similar lines, talking down to someone can make them feel disrespected. Avoid phrases like "Don't worry your little head about it," or "It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand."
- Don't ask intrusive questions. For example, don't ask acquaintances about scars, disabilities, or details of their love lives.
3
Be clear when you want something. People are often happy to help you, but they can't help you if they aren't sure what you need. Talk about your needs (physical or emotional) so that people aren't left wondering what is going on with you.
- If you want someone to do something for you, say something like "Would you please...?"
4
Respectfully disagree. You can respect someone's view even if you wholeheartedly disagree. The key is to disagree with what the person is saying without undermining the actual person's worthiness. For example, you might strongly disagree with someone's political beliefs, but you can still value the person as a human being, and that should come through in the way you argue.^{[13]
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- Never resort to insulting someone during an argument. Don't let "I don't agree with your view on that" escalate to "You're an idiot."
- If necessary, halt the conversation before things get too out of control and you say something you'll regret. You're not going to get anywhere by disrespecting the other person; you'll just make a new enemy.
5
Practice patience and assume good faith. Communication can be difficult sometimes, and people may misspeak or struggle to find words that fit. Give them time, and when you aren't quite sure what they mean, assume that they are doing their best to be kind and understanding.
6
Don't stereotype other people. Don't come to a conversation with assumptions about someone else's opinions or background based on their race, gender, religion, nationality, or any other factor. Everyone is an individual with special life experiences and wisdom. Don't make the disrespectful mistake of thinking you know someone before you've taken the time to learn about him or her as a unique person.
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Skip the gossip. It's a common form of disrespect that people usually get away with, but gossiping is a bad habit. It puts you in the practice of seeing people as characters who are up for discussion instead of individuals with feelings that can be deeply hurt. Even the strangest, most annoying or obnoxious people should not be regularly discussed as though they exist to provide entertainment for others.
- If you have nothing good to say, it's better not to say it at all.
- Politely object to gossiping if someone else starts it. Try saying something like "I'm not interested in gossip" or "I don't want to say anything about him that I wouldn't be willing to say to his face."
8
Apologize if you hurt someone. No matter how hard you may try, you'll probably tread on someone's toes at some time or another. Your hurtful mistake is less important than how you react to it. If you realize you did something unkind or upsetting, talk to the person about it to apologize.
- Avoid saying "but" to justify your actions. If you wish to explain why you behaved the way you did, try "and" instead. For example, "I'm sorry I winced when you said you were autistic, and I was acting on a misconception of what autism is. I'm sorry I upset you, and I accept you for who you are." This explains the action without excusing it.
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Be respectful to others even if they're not respectful to you. As difficult as it might be, try to show patience and humility. The other person may learn something from you. If the person is downright rude or mean, try to defend yourself without sinking to their level.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Going Deeper

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Show deference to those with rightful authority. Some people deserve extra signs of respect because of the position they hold. The school principal, the boss, the church leader, the mayor, the King of England—these are people who have risen to leadership positions because they have exhibited qualities society deems worthy of respect. Show authority figures respect according to the proper custom, whether it means calling the principal "Sir" or bowing to the king.
- Elders are also deserving of extra respect. Respect your parents, grandparents, and other elders in the community for the valuable wisdom they have to share.
Tip: In some cases, it is important to recognize when an authority figure is not deserving of extra respect and deference. If someone has broken your trust and you feel you can no longer respect them, that's a personal choice you have the right to make. In some cases, by standing up to authority, you are respecting yourself and other people affected by the authority figure's power.
2
Don't abuse your own power. If you are in a position of power, respect those who trust you by being courteous and kind to them. Never expect them to defer to you "just because." Be the kind of leader who people want to follow instead of the kind they're afraid not to follow.
3
Respect yourself. You are an important person, and you deserve to be treated well. Work on treating yourself the way you'd treat a friend. Every time you think a negative thought about yourself or do something self-destructive, ask if you'd talk to a friend that way. You are your own best friend.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Kirsten Parker, MFA
Mindset & Action Coach

Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.}
- An "others first" approach is kind, but is only realistic to a certain extent. Put your basic needs (food, sleep, mental health) first. Once your needs are met, you will then be able to help other people effectively.
4
Practice empathy and compassion. To really understand how to respect other people, put yourself in their shoes and attempt to truly understand where they're coming from. You can be courteous to people without really caring much about them, but true respect stems from a sense of empathy, a deep sense of shared understanding. Try to recognize the bonds that tie us all together and the fact that we're all sharing the same earth. Respecting each other is a way of getting along and making the world livable and more delightful for everyone.

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How do I show respect for someone?

Kirsten Parker, MFA
Mindset & Action Coach
Kirsten Parker is a Mindset and Action Coach based in her hometown of Los Angeles, California. She helps high achievers overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in increasing one's confidence and clarity by incorporating tools from positive psychology, mindful habit change, and self-regulation into her coaching. She is a Certified HeartMath Practitioner trained in Stress, Anxiety, and Intelligent Energy Management along with Emotional Intelligence and the Science of Self-Acceptance. She also holds an MFA from Yale University School of Drama in Stage Management.

Kirsten Parker, MFA

Mindset & Action Coach

Expert Answer

When someone is talking to you, make eye contact and give them your full attention.

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Tips

Being respectful tells people you not only care about others, but you care about yourself. The most important part of being respectful is respecting yourself; if you don't, people won't respect you.

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A great technique for giving respect is to empathize or relate to the other person. Listening and responding intelligently, seriously, and beneficially shows a great amount of respect. Everyone wants what they say to be heard and taken into consideration.

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When talking to someone, look them in the eye in a steady, but friendly way, if possible.

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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Even if someone is mean to you, look them in the eyes and be patient. If you feel that staying around them doesn’t respect yourself, try to avoid this person, or calmly tell them you don’t like how they’re treating you.
Think about how other people feel when you’re talking to them. Context is important in every situation—some days people may not be okay talking about something, while other days they may be fine.
Do good in the world, even when people aren’t looking. For example, clean up your trash, even if you’re out in the woods all alone.
Before speaking, think about how you would feel if someone said the same thing to you.

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Warnings

Respecting differences doesn't mean tolerating people who advocate harming others. For example, if your neighbor is a Nazi who believes that certain types of people should die, this is not a belief that deserves to be respected or tolerated. Respecting and protecting other people's safety is more important than respecting a violent person's beliefs.

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