How to Be Selfless

Co-authored by Julia Yacoob, PhD

Last Updated: June 3, 2024 Approved

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Selflessness basically means that you’re more concerned about others’ feelings and wellbeing than your own. It’s safe to say that the world would be a much better place if we were all a little more selfless. It starts at the individual level, so you can start making that change today! There are tons of easy ways to start being more selfless in your everyday life.

1

Try to help one random person each day.

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It could be big or small, as long as you make the commitment. Maybe you let someone in a rush go ahead of you on line, maybe you give money to a homeless person, or maybe you lent a hand on a project to a stressed coworker. Every little thing you do helps make the world a better place.^{[1]
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- It’s okay if the opportunity to help someone doesn’t come up every day. Just make the commitment to help if the situation does come up.

2

Volunteer your time for a good cause.

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This is a great way to practice generosity and contribute to the world. There are probably tons of local organizations that you can do some volunteer work with. Dedicate a few hours on the weekends to give back to your community.^{[2]
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- Popular volunteer work includes handing out food in a soup kitchen, helping clean up local parks, caring for animals at a shelter, and helping organize town events.
- If you want to do bigger volunteer projects, you could also join an organization like the Peace Corps.
- If you need more motivation, volunteering has great personal and mental health benefits too.

3

Support charities with regular donations.

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Giving up on frivolous things to help others is a selfless quality. If you're able to, find some charities that you'd like to support and set up a regular donation to them. Your support will help them keep doing their great work.^{[3]
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- It's okay to skip giving money if you're not financially secure. There are tons of other ways to help people!

4

Make yourself available for friends and family.

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The people in your everyday life could probably use a helping hand! If someone asks you for some help, do all you can to make that happen. It might be a little inconvenient, but it’ll really improve their day.^{[4]
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- Keep an eye out for little opportunities to help, like if your neighbor is carrying something heavy. Maybe they didn’t ask for your help, but they’ll appreciate you going over to offer a hand.
- Remember that it’s okay to say no if helping someone will put undue strain on you. Don’t run yourself ragged!^{[5]
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5

Be patient with others to practice empathy.

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Expecting everything at the drop of a hat is a selfish quality. If you're getting impatient, take a step back. Understand that in most cases, the people around you are trying their best, and you just need to be understanding. This keeps things in perspective and prevents you from losing your temper.^{[6]
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- This quality can help improve your personal relationships too. Patient people usually attract other people because they're easier to be around.
- Being patient doesn't mean you can't communicate your needs to others. It just means understanding that you can't always have instant gratification.

6

Listen when others vent their feelings to you.

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Good, active listening is key to understanding people’s needs. If someone starts opening up to you, let them do it without interrupting. Being generous with your time like this will show others that you’re the kind of person they can come to with problems.^{[7]
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- Try to avoid offering advice unless they ask for it. People who are venting usually just want to get things off their chest.
- Sometimes it helps to repeat what the person said back to them so they know you’ve heard and understood them.

7

Put yourself in other people’s shoes.

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You’ll be more motivated to help people if you can empathize with them. Try to identify with the people around you and understand where they’re coming from. This is a great way to see people as individuals and get rid of any preconceived motions you may have had.^{[8]
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- Volunteer work is a good way to see how other people live. You can really broaden your horizons this way.
- Good listening is also a good way to understand people and their needs better.

8

Admit when you’re wrong.

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This isn’t fun and no one wants to do it, but it’s an important quality. Believing you can never be wrong is a selfish quality. Don’t act like you know all the answers. Accept that other people might have the correct answers, and if you are wrong, own it and admit it. This will probably feel better than you’re expecting it to!^{[9]
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- This usually makes your personal relationships stronger too. Friends, family, and partners probably won’t like it if you act like you’re never wrong.
- Remember that being wrong is an opportunity to learn. If you pretend you’re never wrong, you won’t be able to grow as a person.

9

Let others be the center of attention.

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Selfish people are one-uppers and don’t like when others get attention. Be willing to take a step back and let others enjoy their accomplishments without trying to focus attention on yourself. Don’t worry—you’ll have your day too!^{[11]
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- If the boss compliments someone at work, for example, offer them a nice congratulations. Maybe you wanted some attention for your work too, but let your coworker have their moment.
- You might not notice if you’re a one-upper, but try to monitor your behavior when someone else is getting attention. If you feel like you want that attention focused on you instead, then this might be something to work on.

10

Don’t have rewards in mind when you help others.

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The point of being selfless is making the world a better place. If you’re hoping for rewards when you help others, then you’re not really being selfless. Forget about being paid back for what you do and take satisfaction in your good work instead.^{[12]
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Julia Yacoob, PhD
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Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}^{[13]
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- Over time, you’ll realize that helping others makes you feel good, which is like a reward in itself.
- Note that this doesn’t mean you should continue giving all your effort to people who don’t appreciate it or take advantage of you, like in a relationship. This leads to resentment on your part.^{[14]
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11

Make time for self-care too.

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Being selfless doesn’t mean neglecting yourself or your health. Continue making time for yourself, doing your hobbies, resting, and overall taking care of yourself. That way, you’ll have plenty of energy to keep helping others.^{[15]
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- Remember, you’ll be able to help people better if you’re rested and refreshed!

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What is considered a selfless act?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

A selfless act is done out of the goodness of someone's heart—they aren't expecting acknowledgment or appreciation for what they've done, nor are they expecting to get something in return.

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