How to Be a Butch Lesbian

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Last Updated: December 17, 2024 References

A butch is usually defined as a lesbian that presents herself, and dresses, in a masculine way, as opposed to femmes, who present themselves in a more traditionally feminine way. However, the femme-butch division is about more than just presentation; butch women actually present themselves and define "butchness" in a variety of ways. For example, being butch is about traditional masculinity to some, while it is about a whole new category of gender to others. That being said, butch lesbians are often women who adopt what are typically seen as masculine or androgynous characteristics. With gender presentation, it's most important to be yourself and to be comfortable in your own skin. If you want to be seen as a butch lesbian, there are ways you can do so.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Looking like a Butch Lesbian

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Wear your hair short. Butch lesbians usually have short hair. Try shaving parts of your hair, and try a mohawk. You can play with the style. Mohawks can be colored, spiked, and styled different ways.^{[1]
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- You don’t have to go for the typical “mullet” look, although shaving the sides of your hair is a good look for a butch lesbian. You could also try a she-mullet look, although that was more common in the 1970s and 1980s. This look is characterized by a short, shaved look on the top and long hair down the nape of the neck, ending about at the shoulders.
- Try a shaved head or superbuzz type cut or a crew cut. Try the “Shane” hair style from the “L Word” television show. This hair style is a short shag with multiple layers that is then mussed up with gel. It’s the “I just got out of bed” look.
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Donate or give away your high femme fashion items. High heels, blouses, low-cut tops and all other traditionally feminine apparel don't fit within the butch aesthetic.^{[2]
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- Wear jeans and vests. This will help you get started when it comes to butch fashion. Pull a vest over a graphic t-shirt. Wear colored, skinny jeans, such as in a red hue. Or wear very baggy jeans. You aren’t going to see many butch lesbians in bell bottoms. Wear undershirts and suits.^{[3]
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- Give flannel a try. Try wearing combat or work boots. You want to avoid anything that looks too frilly. Baggy t-shirts, the grunge or punk look, are good ways to go.^{[4]
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- Wear a beanie, a hoodie, and boxer shorts. Butch lesbians will also be seen wearing suspenders, Oxford shoes, sneakers, leather jackets, black or gray t-shirts, and leather or letter jackets. Choose sturdy fabrics, not silks.
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Wear the right jewelry. You won’t see many butch lesbians wearing jewelry like you might buy for a female child. They would choose sturdier pieces.
- Forget the rainbows, the unicorns, and anything with hearts or flowers. Avoid excessive bling. The Dynasty look is the opposite of what you’re going for here.
- Silver jewelry is the best bet, not gold, especially if it’s on leather cuffs. Less is more and simpler is better when it comes to jewelry. Piercings are a better idea – a nose ring, for example, is a great idea. Solid silver or black circles work in the ears.
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Wear a tie. Butch lesbians like to rock the necktie look. They wear neckties with more than suits; sometimes you will see them wearing a necktie with a t-shirt.
- Try wearing a bow tie to mix it up. A bow tie will show your personality, but it still conveys the butch look. Mix it up! Wear the bow tie with a striped shirt. Show your creativity!^{[5]
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- Try a clip-on tie if you’re not sure how to tie it. Wearing a tie with a loose knot can be an appealing look for a butch lesbian. However, learning to tie a tie is a good idea.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Acting like a Butch Lesbian

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1
Play sports. Some of this is a stereotype; really you should just always feel free to be who you are. That being said, there are some sports that are regarded as more “butch” than others.
- Archery, softball, boxing, kickboxing, roller derby, and other sports that require muscle or physical strength are good choices.
- Avoid country club sports like racquetball and tennis unless you dress butch while playing them. Tennis skirts or ladies wear won’t do the trick. The same is true on the golf course.
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Drink beer or hard liquor. Always drink in moderation. Be safe. That being said, you want to avoid fruity drinks or anything with umbrellas.
- Frozen daiquiris or the like are not very butch. Drinking hard liquor, like whiskey, bourbon, or scotch is.
- Better yet, just grab a beer. Avoid drinks that have fruit in the glass or are made with juice mixed into them. Whatever you do, don't drink a Cosmopolitan! How about a Martini instead?
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Pick a physical job. Butch lesbians can sometimes be found in jobs that defy traditional stereotypes, and sometimes those jobs require physical labor or strength.
- Again, you should always do what you prefer and not worry about conforming to some stereotype or expectation of what other people want. However, that being said, you may find butch lesbians more often in some professions.
- Police work, firefighting, race car drivers, even the law are all professions that a butch lesbian might gravitate towards.
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Read serious books. A butch lesbian is unlikely to be spotted reading Danielle Steele or any romance novel at the beach. Stay away from chick lit.
- Go for fantasy, spy, or thriller novels, things like Michael Crichton or Stephen King.
- Care about serious issues, and read books related to history, politics, or social causes. Don’t be seen reading books that are too frivolous.
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Play an instrument. You’re likely to see a butch lesbian enjoying or playing music in the metal, rock, hip-hop or similar genres.
- Drums and bass or electric guitar are great choices. To go along with the rock genre, try getting a tattoo!
- Instruments like flute, harp, cello, violin – really any "fancy" instrument – aren’t going to make you look very butch.
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Try out masculine mannerisms. Masculine mannerisms can be hard to define. Traditional ways of describing masculine mannerisms, such as walking with confidence and stride or not slouching, don't actually tell you anything. In fact, people with feminine gender presentation also exhibit these traits. Instead, if you like how a masculine person carries his or herself, watch how they move, and then try to move like them.
- Idealized masculine mannerisms do seem to have something to do with confidence (just as idealized feminine mannerisms have something to do with confidence as well). This means that at the core of moving and feeling like a butch is to have self-confidence while doing it.
- Becoming a butch, and moving like one, is all about finding a gender presentation that feels right to you. The confidence that comes with feeling good about yourself and how you look will be visible to those around you in how you carry yourself.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Getting a Butch Lesbian Vibe

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1
Go natural. A butch lesbian is unlikely to wear a ton of makeup. So forget sparkly eye shadow, pink blush, fake eyelashes, and all of that.
- If you wear any makeup, choose black, brown or charcoal liner, akin to what a man in a rock band might wear. This is sometimes known as "guy liner."
- Take care of your skin. Wear moisturizer that contains sunscreen every day. But you can forget the rest of the makeup routine.
2
Keep your nails short and clean. Butch lesbians aren’t going to be seen wearing acrylic or gel nails or any kind of colorful nail polish really.
- They would especially avoid pastels or glittery colors on the nails. More likely, a butch lesbian would keep her nails short and clean.
- Some butch lesbians might paint their nails black. Dark or neutral colors are the best choice if you prefer to do something with your nails.
3
Get the right pet. If you’re a butch lesbian, you’re not going to be carrying around a miniature poodle the size you could fit in a small purse.
- You’re more likely to have a larger breed, a mastiff, a Great Dane, a St. Bernard, or the like. And you’re more likely to have a dog than a cat.
- Go for a turtle, a snake, or any kind of insect or lizard.
4
Figure out which type of butch you want to be. There are many different categories of being “butch” in lesbian culture. A butch is typically defined as a woman who adopts what are typically considered as masculine characteristics.
- A soft butch is a lesbian with a largely androgynous appearance. The soft butch has some feminine traits, and falls somewhere in between a femme and butch.^{[6]
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- A sport dyke is a butch lesbian who identifies with being an athlete and is often seen in baseball caps and sporting wear. A stone butch takes the lead in sexual activity and doesn’t worry about getting pleasure herself.
- A stud is a term used to describe black butch lesbians.
5
Be your charming self. While butchness can include traditionally masculine ways of behaving, it doesn't have to. Don't be fake or try to pretend to be someone you are not. People should like you for you, not for some fake personality traits.
- However, it can be fun and enlightening to explore aspects of your personality that have been hidden away. If you want to explore your butchness, try working on assertiveness. If dressing butch means that you are asserting your preference for clothing, then having a butch personality means that you are assertive in life as well.
- Don't limit yourself. The freedom to dress and act as you want to, and not how society wants you to, is at the heart of what it means to be a butch. If you want to wear a suit one day and a dress the next, that is perfectly okay. Your butchness can change from day to day, or minute to minute.
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Think about butchness beyond masculinity and clothing. There is more to butchness than just clothing and mannerisms. It is also a way of being and a way of belonging in lesbian culture.
- Butches have a long and important place in lesbian history and their willingness to push the boundaries of sex and gender was foundational in creating lesbian-identified spaces and communities.^{[7]
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- For some, butchness is a way of expressing one's sexuality for the world to see. When you are seen as butch, you are also seen as a lesbian. This can be very empowering for those previously assumed to be straight. It can also help you get a date.

Break Out of Gender Norms with this Expert Series

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Do butches ever have feminine qualities?

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Sure. There is no one way to be "butch," and there are different types of butch lesbians. Be true to yourself, and don't worry too much about fitting into a stereotype.

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Can I be a butch emo?

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Heck yeah, you can! There are a lot of butch emos/ goths/ punks and other butches that embrace alternative sub cultures.

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What should I do if I want to shave part of my hair, but I am not sure if it is allowed at my school?

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You can speak to your head teacher or principal about the school's hair policy. It may be written down in the student handbook, which you can also reference. This way, you can be sure that you know what is allowed according to the policies that your school has outlined.

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Warnings

Some areas might be less accepting of butch lesbians. Use your head and consider your safety in all situations.

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A butch lesbian may be called "sir" by people who don't understand that she is a woman. If this happens to you, you will need to decide how you want to respond.

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Be mindful of public restrooms. Some women will mistake you for a man.

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