How to Be a Confident Beautiful Black Girl

Co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW

Last Updated: March 3, 2024 Approved

Not feeling confident is one of the most common issues for women all over the world. Sadly, because black girls belong to a minority group, they often perceive themselves as not being as good as other girls. This inferiority might be based in their socially influenced perception of race, social status, age, height, weight, or perceived level of attractiveness. Furthermore, black girls may experience racism, sexism, and be marginalized. Black girls deserve to feel true confidence and uplift the positive characteristics of their appearances and racial/cultural backgrounds. Learning to love the skin you're in is the first step towards having lasting confidence as a black girl.

Part 1

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Loving the Skin You're In

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1
Smile at yourself in the mirror often. There are loads of studies that show that smiling can be a great way to feel more positive and happier about yourself and your life.^{[1]
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Research source} Smiling in front of a mirror can really help towards building the self-confidence you desire.
- Each morning before you go out into the world, take the time to do the mirror technique.^{[2]
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  Research source} Stand in front of the mirror with a straight posture and your shoulders pulled back. Take a deep breath. Smile at yourself. Notice characteristics about yourself that you admire. Do you love your eyes? You new lipstick color? Your trendy hairstyle?
- Be prepared. There are always gonna be people who put you down because of you skin color. Remember, what they make fun of most of the time is just stereotypes. Don't be ashamed of who you are. You're a fun, unique person. Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.
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Recite a personal mantra. Mantras are statements that we repeat in our heads over and over again throughout the day. If the statement playing on a loop in your head is negative, you will feel bad about yourself or lack confidence in your abilities. Positive statements empower you to become the person you long to be.
- You can say your mantra in front of the mirror or you can actively think the phrase as you meditate or go through your morning activities like making your bed and brushing your teeth. Restating the positive will eventually allow it to manifest in your life. You can also use your mantra in times of great stress or when you are doubting yourself.
- Examples of mantras can be quotes or lyrics from songs that reflect your core beliefs, or they can be simple declarations such as "I am enough." or “I am not who I’m going to be. I am always becoming."
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Make a list of your positive traits. If you lack self-confidence, you need to take a moment and think about your strengths. Sit down and create a list. This reminds you of all the things you have to be proud of and can slowly make you more confident over time. Sometimes, we focus so much on what we are not that we overlook what we are.
- These traits can be physical, academic, or work-related. For instance, you could make a list of the following attributes: I have beautiful, radiant skin. I am a hard worker. My legs are strong and healthy. I am intelligent. I am a wonderful friend. I am a prayer warrior. I am creative. My body is gorgeous.
- Reflect on your positive attributes and you will feel better equipped to go out into the world as the beautiful, capable person that you are.^{[3]
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- Keep this list handy for when you are feeling down or not so great about yourself. Hang it on your vanity to look over as you get ready, on your refrigerator, or keep a small list in your wallet for easy access around the clock.
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Get a grasp on your culture. Research has shown that blacks often progress through several stages in a racial identity model in which you first view whites as being better and yourself as being inferior until the last stage where you internalize your culture and reap a great deal of self-esteem and confidence. Getting a thorough understanding of your historical and cultural background can help you to assimilate your feelings about race into a positive self-identity.
- You can read books and listen to inspirational speakers that explain all aspects of your culture. You can also talk to elders in your family and community who share your racial background to glean their perspectives.
- Become aware of the inherent strengths of your racial group. Despite racism and historical oppression, black communities have many significant values such as emphasizing the importance of togetherness and community, focusing on bettering oneself and getting an education, leaning on family in times of need, and having a strong sense of religion or spirituality.
- Gaining knowledge about yourself and your racial group can allow you to see all the reasons you have to be self-confident and full of pride about your race.
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Find your voice. If you are lacking confidence, you may not feel comfortable speaking up for yourself or expressing your thoughts or opinions. Every woman must learn to develop her own unique way of expressing herself. Practice being assertive, and not aggressive.
- Asserting yourself means speaking your mind while still respecting others. Ways to assert yourself might include preparing your words before you speak, using "I" statements, refraining from blaming the other person, and not holding grudges in communication.

Part 2

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Uncovering Your Best Self

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1
Embrace your unique style and personality. Do you feel that you are often put into a box because of your skin color or racial background? You don't have to be. You can be whoever you want. Like what you like. Country music. Poetry. Hunting and fishing. Fashion. TV or books.
- Feel free to explore likes and dislikes. It's not disloyal to change your favorite food, musician, movie, animal or whatever else by the hour if you want! Learn about the things that interest you. Discover your own culture and that of others. Stop learning if you think it's getting boring. Knowing what you like and engaging others in your interests will make you feel more confident.
- Remember that it is OK to be who you are. It is in your power to become whatever you wish or to stay just the way you are. It's your choice!
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Nurture your body, mind, and spirit. Another simple way to build confidence is by taking care of your temple. When you know that you are caring for yourself you feel better about the you that is being put on display for the world.
- Knowing that your body looks the best it can look allows you to carry yourself with pride and respect. Of course, not everyone can look like a personal trainer. Exercise regularly but also accept that all human bodies are uniquely different. Learn to love yours whether it is skinny, curvy, or heavier. Here are six ways physical activity can make you more confident.
- It's nice to treat yourself every now and then but you should also make sure you are fueling your body with the adequate vitamins and nutrients it needs for optimal functioning. Maintain a balanced diet of lean meats, whole grains, and plenty of fruits and veggies. Also, drink 8 glasses or more of water each day for radiant skin.
- If you're stumbling through the day on too little sleep your mental health and self-perception could be at risk. Regular sleep of approximately 7 to 9 hours will improve your self-esteem and overall health.^{[4]
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- Getting in touch with your spiritual side can do wonders for your confidence. If you are a spiritual person, then highlighting that part of yourself will improve your self-esteem and help you to connect with others. Remember, that you were born to serve a unique purpose.
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Practice good hygiene.^{[5]
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Research source} Having knowledge that you look and smell your best is a major confidence booster! When you put in extra time on your appearance, you are able to lift your chin a bit higher. You can look and feel confident no matter if you are wearing a t-shirt and sweats or your best dress. All you have to do is maintain good health and keep yourself clean and well-groomed.
- Shower every day or every other day (depending upon your skin's dryness), use deodorant, brush your teeth twice a day, floss your teeth before bedtime, and wash your face two times a day. And, remember, don't go to sleep without removing your make up. It's not great for your skin. Care for your skin by moisturizing and using sunscreen.
- Give yourself a fantastic scent; make it your trademark. Don't feel that a perfume you like is not for you just because the person promoting it has different-colored skin than you. Wear whatever scent you like, or, don't wear one at all. You can also use natural oils, creams and powders. It's a fantastic confidence booster when someone says, "You smell good"...and you aren't wearing any perfume or scented products.
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Develop a beauty routine based on your natural skin and hair type. Black girls can boast a range of skin colors from beige to deep mocha. Plus, within those skin types is a wide variety of complexions and skin types. Hair types are just as variable. Learn your unique type and perform daily or weekly regimens to keep your skin and hair healthy and luminous.
- Learn how to Take Care of Black Girls' Hair. Whether it's relaxed, natural, braided, or weaved, just make sure it's clean and healthy. African-American hair types are very versatile: it can be worn straight, curly, kinky, loose, braided, locked or just about any other style you can think of. Embrace this fact and your natural beauty! There are numerous online resources to help you learn how to care for your hair.
- The color of your skin won't usually determine your beauty regimen. Instead, base your rituals on the type of skin you have, which can be oily, dry, sensitive, acne-scarred, wrinkly, or rosacea. Regardless of your skin type, most beauty routines should include gentle cleansing, sunscreen, moisturizing, and makeup products (optional) that align with your skin needs. ^{[6]
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- Visit a beauty counter at a drug store or department store to learn what products are best for your skin type. The salesperson there should be able to help you. If you have a special concern such as keloid skin or acne scarring which is common in African American women, see a dermatologist for professional guidance.^{[7]
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Tips

Remember that if you're not healthy on the inside (mentally and physically), you will not feel healthy on the outside. Take care of your body, mind, and soul!

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Know that you are still growing and your body is changing. We all grow into ourselves and our looks, too! As long as you take care of yourself with good exercise, eating, and hygiene habits, you can look great in whatever skin you're in.

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Know that you deserve to be treated well. Take care of yourself and other people will realize that you deserve to be respected and treated well.

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Warnings

Be "good enough" for yourself first. If people deserve to be in your life, they will appreciate you for how you want to be.

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People will criticize you. Remember to ask yourself whether the change would make you happy or grow as a person. If you don't think you'd be happy, maybe you shouldn't try to change for others.

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