How to Be a Good Brother

Co-authored by William Gardner, PsyD

Last Updated: May 6, 2024 Approved

Do you want to learn how to set a good example or improve your relationship with your siblings? Are you about to become a brother for the first time? Keep reading for detailed instructions on how to be a good brother and set the perfect example for your siblings!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Setting a Good Example

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Be respectful. It's important to set an example for your siblings by always being respectful. Be respectful to them, of course, but you should also be respectful to your parents, your teachers, your friends, and even perfect strangers! Being respectful will help them a lot in life and if they learn it from someone they really respect, it will become a lifelong habit.
- Don't talk back to your parents or teachers. Politely argue if problems come up but otherwise do what you're told and show your sibling how it's done.
It's also very important for your sibling to learn how to be responsible. Don't do drugs or alcohol and do keep up with your chores and help around the house. Do good in school but be humble about your grades. Get a job if your schedule allows and save your money responsibly. This helps you but it also sets a great example for them. They'll see that hard work and sacrifice pay off.

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Definitely don't teach them every bad word in the book, but using good language also means speaking well. Speak correctly and with the best grammar and vocabulary you can manage. They'll pick up on your language and learn a lot. Good speech is often a sign of a better education and many employers consider it essential, so you'll be setting them up for a lifetime of success.
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Avoid violence. You should try not to be violent towards your siblings and set an extra good example by not being violent towards anyone else either. Kids who learn that being violent is cool from their siblings may go on to violent lifestyles that land them in prison or worse. Instead, solve your problem peaceably and by talking it out. If someone tries to goad you into a fight, be the bigger person and walk away.
- Boys who witness their parents being violent are twice as likely to be violent themselves, so what do you think they'll do if they see a brother that they really look up to being violent?
Teach your siblings to respect themselves by always being themselves. Do this by being yourself. Pursue the things that you love and don't let popular opinion sway you. Be individual and forget the trends and doing what will make you the most popular. By doing these things, your sibling will learn to be confident in their own. Communicate more with your sibling so you become really close, it helps build your trust.
Show your siblings that they should always stick up for the little guy and protect people who deserve protection by doing the same yourself. You never know, that little kid getting beat up at school may not have a brother that's able to protect him. Protecting the helpless will teach your siblings how to be good people and will make them respect you even more.
Do the right thing, especially when it's hard. This also means apologizing or admitting when you've done something wrong. You want your siblings to be able to do the same, to always do the right thing. This will make both of you better people.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Developing a Good Relationship

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The best way to start having a better relationship with your siblings is to spend time with them. Hang out, play, go places... it doesn't matter. Do whatever feels right for you. This will give you great memories together and also build a friendship beyond the sibling relationship.^{[1]
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You want your siblings to have great self-confidence, so help them boost their confidence. Compliment them when they deserve it, help them build skills and get smarter, and help them do things that they can be proud of. This will also make you happy because not only will they be proud of themselves but you'll be proud of them too.
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Build and keep their trust. If you want to have a good relationship with your siblings, you should have a lot of trust between you. When they tell you something, don't go and tell your parents. Keep things just between the two of you, unless your sibling asks you to tell your parents. If you can't trust each other, you'll probably have a hard relationship for the rest of your lives.
- You should also build their trust by creating a safe place for them to come and talk about their problems. You should never laugh at them or judge them for the things they say to you, so that they know they can always come to you without fear of how you'll react.
Don't try to make them into you and don't be angry if they don't always make the decisions you wish they would. Respect that they are their own individuals and celebrate them, just the way they are. Try to do some of their unique hobbies with them or at least talk with and ask them about it from time to time.
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See things from their perspective. You will probably disagree about stuff sometimes. That's just how being siblings goes.^{[2]
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Expert Source

William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 25 July 2019.} But when you argue or when they do something you disagree with, try to see things from their point of view. Sympathize with them and understand that they're probably trying their best. This will help cut down on fights.
- Seeing things from their perspective can also be done every day. Appreciating their struggles in life and respecting them for what they go through will give you both a better respect for the other.
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Help them with their problems. When they have problems, help them! Don't just do it for them but show them how to fix it themselves. This will make their life better in the long run but it will also develop the friendship between you.
- However, if they refuse your help, you need to respect their wishes. If they really want to try to do things on their own, the best you can do is to be there for them if they fail or need help still.
Encourage your siblings to go out and do what they want with their lives. Encourage them to reach for the stars. Encourage them to be better people. These things will help them achieve more in life and to be happier people. This will save you from the heartbreak of seeing them hurt and suffering.
Your siblings might someday run into trouble, whether they're getting bullied or they're hanging out with the wrong crowd. No matter the situation, you should stick up for and protect your sibling, helping them to make better choices as necessary. You may not always win these battles, but your sibling will never have to doubt how much you love them and you'll never have to feel guilty about not doing enough to protect them.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Going the Extra Mile

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A good hug and a kind word will go a long way when your sibling is sad. Let them talk about their problems (or not talk about their problems!) and just show them that you're there for them by giving them a hug until they feel better.
You can do nice things for them by doing what they ask you to do from time to time, or by doing randomly nice things for them, like making them breakfast or helping them clean their room.
Give your siblings compliments when they do something cool or good. Tell them that they look nice from time to time or compliment their clothes. This can make them feel really good about themselves.^{[3]
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When holidays or birthdays roll around, get them presents that are good for them, not just something really generic that anyone would get. Think about what reminds you of them or things that you've done together. Think about things they've said they liked or that they wanted. Think about the things that they'd need. This will help you get the perfect gift.
Share what you have with your siblings. If they want to borrow your stuff, let them. If you get some candy, share it with them. Never do things like this expecting something in return. Do it because you want to be a good brother.
If your sibling is traveling or lives somewhere else, or when you are older and have moved far apart, call them or visit them when you can to show them that you think about them. Don't let your relationship break down because of the distance but instead make it a strong connection that can cross any distance.

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Tips

Show that you truly love them.^{[4]
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Your siblings will probably be around for a lot longer than your parents, so it's important to have a good relationship with them. Someday, they might be your only living family!

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Spend time together playing games or sports to develop great memories together.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

You don't always have to scold them for doing something mean or wrong. Sometimes it's best to lead by example, and silently show them the right thing to do.
Take interest in your sibling's interests. Appreciating things together, like movies or music, is a great way to grow closer.
When in doubt, just treat your sibling like you'd treat a close friend.

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Warnings

Do not try to boss your siblings around if they have hard feelings against you because it might make them very angry and carry on to do something that could send them on a very, VERY bad trail.

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