How to Be a Loner in School

Co-authored by Katie Styzek

Last Updated: March 21, 2024 References

Not everybody likes to join others and be social during school. Being a loner in school means you don’t want to make friends or interact with your peers. To be a loner, keep to yourself, use the right body language, and focus on your interests.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Acting Like a Loner

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1
Keep to yourself at school functions. If you have to go to school functions, like a pep rally or assembly, sit by yourself if you can. Sit at the back of the room if possible. You may want to put on headphones and listen to music, read a book, or play on your phone.^{[1]
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- If you can, try to get out of going to school functions. But don’t skip it if you are going to get in trouble.
2
Sit alone at lunch. Lunch is one of the most common times during the school day where people socialize. However, if you want to be a loner, you should sit alone if you can. Try sitting at a table by yourself or on the floor, if your school allows that. If you cannot sit in an area by yourself, sit at the end of a table with people you don't know.
- Find solitary activities to do during lunch. For example, you can draw, read, or listen to music.
- If your school will allow it, go to the library or a teacher's classroom where you can eat lunch alone.
- If your school has open lunch, you can go up town to restaurants and other places to eat lunch or you can go home if you live close to the school.
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3
Keep to yourself during physical education. P.E. is another time during the school day where people try to talk to you and get you involved. Keep to yourself during P.E. If you have a choice of activity, consider walking, running, or lifting weights alone. If you are allowed, put on your headphones and listen to music.
- If your teacher makes you participate with others, do what you have to do well in the class. Play basketball or volleyball on the team, but don't go out of your way to talk to people.
- If your teacher will allow you to, sit on the bleachers or off to the side whenever you can.
4
Avoid starting conversations with people. Loners keep to themselves and don’t go out of their way to talk to other students. This means you wouldn’t go up to someone and start talking to them, or join in a conversation when you’re in a group. Instead, you should keep to yourself.^{[2]
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- If someone speaks directly to you, don’t be rude. Answer the question, but don’t follow up or ask the person a question in return.
One way to be a loner in school is to engage in your interests during the day. This may mean taking classes you are interested in, like art or music classes. Spend your downtime at school doing things you like.^{[3]
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Choose classes that let you be independent. When you are choosing elective classes, choose ones that will let you work independently or that don't require group activities. Some classes that may let you be independent include computer or technology classes, shop classes, art classes,music classes, or foreign language classes. You may also want to take sports classes that allow you to exercise alone, like weight lifting or cross-country.
- Since you are a loner, you wouldn't want to take drama or chorus classes. Independent vocal or instrumental music lessons such as piano are a better class to take.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Adopting the Correct Body Language

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1
Avoid making eye contact with people. Loners keep to themselves and don’t want people to try to interact with them. To help with this, discourage people from approaching or talking to you by keeping your eyes down. Don’t look people in the eye and encourage them to speak to you
- Make sure not to make eye contact with people in areas where they might come and talk to you, like in the lunchroom or the classroom.
- To show respect, be sure to make eye contact with teachers and other authority figures.
2
Keep your arms folded. Try folding your arms over your chest. This signals that you don’t want to be bothered and want to be left alone. This body position helps make you look closed off and unapproachable.
- Fold your arms loosely across your body and keep your head down. This will help people realize you don’t want to be bothered.
3
Use accessories to keep people away. Adding accessories helps put up a barrier between you and others. They will see you doing something with the accessory and not disturb you. The accessories also give you a reason to ignore everyone around you.
- For example, you can wear headphones, read a book, look on your smartphone, or draw on a sketchpad.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Participating in Class

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Ask if you can work alone. If your teacher puts people in groups, ask them if you can work alone. Generally, loners don’t like to work and interact with other students. If your teacher gives you the option to work together or alone, work alone.
- If your teacher won’t allow you to work alone, do your part of the group work, but don’t talk to the other students unless you have to.
2
Pay attention in class. You may prefer to be a loner and not socialize with your peers, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore your classes. One way to successfully be a loner is to focus on your studies and be a good student.^{[4]
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- Listen in class, take notes, and study so you will make good grades.
- It doesn’t make a difference where you sit in class, just as long as you are paying attention.
3
Ask and answer questions in class. Being a loner doesn’t mean that you can’t speak up and participate in class. Raise your hand and ask questions when you have one. If the teacher calls on you or asks a question, answer.^{[5]
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- Being a loner means you don’t really hang around with other students. It doesn’t mean you don’t participate in class.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Connecting With Others

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1
Look for a friend outside of school. If you aren’t interested in being friends with people at school, consider friends or acquaintances outside of school. This may be a cousin or neighbor. You may also look for friends or acquaintances at any out-of-school activities.^{[6]
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- For example, you may meet people at a music or computer class in the community. You may consider getting a tutor through the Boys and Girls Club or with a local college kid who can teach you a skill.
- Even if you prefer to be a loner, it's healthy to connect with people sometimes, even if it's only 1 or 2 other people who share similar interests as you or who you get along with.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Katie Styzek
  School Counselor
  
  Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.}
2
Join out-of-school activities. You don’t have to join clubs or organizations through the school. You can instead find a club or organization to get involved in through the community. You may do things through the library, with a religious organization, or through a volunteer group.^{[8]
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- Many communities have after school clubs you can get involved with.
- Doing things through a community organization allows you a chance to be a loner while still enjoying doing things.
EXPERT TIP

Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor
Alicia Oglesby is an Academic Counseling Expert based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She is currently pursuing a PhD in Education at the University of Pittsburgh and working as a Graduate Research Assistant. She was previously employed as the Associate Director of College Counseling at the Winchester Thurston School. Prior to that, she worked as a Director of School and College Counseling at 4 other secondary schools. With over twelve years of experience in academic counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College.

Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor

Try to stretch yourself socially. If you're an introvert, you can cherish your alone time while still challenging yourself to occasionally mingle too. Start by joining one extracurricular activity so you don’t get overwhelmed. Plus, you can still set aside at least a couple weeknights with no plans so you can still relax and recharge.
3
Consider making friends with other loners. You may not want to be friends with most of the people at your school, but you may find other loners and shy kids you can connect with. Maybe there are other kids who are sitting by themselves that you can talk to or work with on projects.^{[9]
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- You may also look for shy people or introverts in any clubs or organizations. These people may have similar interests as you.

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What can I do to keep myself busy during lunch and on the bus?

Katie Styzek
School Counselor
Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.

Katie Styzek

School Counselor

Expert Answer

If it’s allowed, bring a book to recess, lunch, and on the bus with you so you have something to do when there's unstructured time during the school day.

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Tips

If your school allows it, you can wear head phones and listen to music or anything you like to put people off talking to you. You can just have your ear buds or head phones in place as a deterrent, you don't have to have anything playing.

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Warnings

Many people view loners as "weird" or "creepy" and may be a target for bullying, harassment, and a possible mental health evaluation. You should be aware of that before considering choosing this lifestyle.

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