How to Calm an Autistic Child

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: January 21, 2024 Approved

Autistic children are often overstimulated by things like touch, sound, and light. They can also become overwhelmed and frustrated by unexpected events, such as changes in routine.^{[1]
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Go to source} Because autistic children often struggle to understand or communicate their experiences, they may have meltdowns. During a meltdown, a child may scream, flail wildly, destroy property, or even respond violently to others. Autistic children can frequently become agitated, so it is important parents know how to calm them down. Every child is different so try several techniques to find the ones that work best for your child.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Preventing and Dealing with Meltdowns

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Figure out what triggered the meltdown. Finding the cause can help you keep them away from whatever is upsetting them. This is important in calming an autistic child. Observe your child and try to figure out the triggers for certain behaviors. If a parent or guardian is aware of the child’s triggers, they may be able to avoid it.
- Keep a notebook to record the child's common triggers will help you to prevent triggering meltdowns. You might also consider using a smartphone app to log meltdowns and their causes.
- Some common triggers for meltdowns in autistic children are changes or disruptions in their normal routine, overstimulation, frustration and communication difficulties.^{[2]
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- Meltdowns are different from tantrums. Tantrums are thrown on purpose, as a power play, and will stop once you give in. Meltdowns occur when an autistic person becomes so stressed that they cannot control themselves, and they feel powerless and will not stop until it has run its course.
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Stick to a routine. When there is a routine to be followed, the child can predict what will happen next. This helps to keep the child calm.
- Illustrated schedules can help the child visually see the routine for the day or week.
- If you know that there will be changes to the routine on a given day, make sure you take the time to prepare your child. Talk to them beforehand and communicate these changes clearly and patiently.
- When introducing your child to a new environment, it best if you do it when there is less stimuli. This means bringing your child at a time when there is less noise or fewer people.
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Communicate clearly with your child. Verbal communication is a source of frustration for many autistic children. Talk patiently, respectfully, and enunciate clearly.
- Avoid shouting or adopting an aggressive tone, as it may worsen the meltdown.
- If verbal communication is difficult for your child, try communicating through pictures or other forms of AAC.^{[3]
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- Remember that communication goes both ways. Always listen to your child, and make it clear that you value and respect what they have to say. Ask them questions if you need clarification to prevent frustration-related meltdowns.
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Distract the child if you suspect the cause is emotional/psychological. When your child is upset, you can sometimes calm them down by diverting their attention. Try playing enthusiastically with a favorite toy, watching a favorite video, or listening to a favorite song. If possible, involve their special interests.^{[4]
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- Distraction won't always work. For example, questions about your sister's rock collections might distract from her fears about getting a flu shot, but it won't fix things if her problem is that her dress seam feels like fire ants on her skin.
- Once the child is calm again, it is a good idea to talk to them about what made them angry or stimulated them in the first place. Ask them what happened and work together to find ways to prevent it from reoccurring.
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Change the child's surroundings. Your child may be upset because they are hypersensitive and overstimulated. When this happens, it's a good idea to simply bring the child to a different environment, or to change the environment (e.g. turning off loud music), to reduce overstimulation.^{[5]
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- For example, if your child experiences fluorescent lights as a trigger, it is better to take your child to a room with alternative lighting, rather than forcing the child to put up with it.
- If the child is in a location where the environment cannot easily be changed, take precautions. For example, you could give your child sunglasses (to prevent hypersensitivity to light) or earplugs (to drown out noise) to wear in public places. Brainstorm precautions with your child.
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Give your child some space. Sometimes, children just need time before they feel ready to re-engage.^{[6]
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Research source} Try letting them sit for a while to calm down, usually in any area with limited sensory stimuli.
- Consider safety. Never leave a young child alone and unsupervised, or lock someone in a room.^{[7]
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  Research source} Make sure the child is safe and able to leave if they want.
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After the meltdown, discuss it with your child. Use a solution-based approach: instead of blaming or punishing your child, talk about ways to prevent meltdowns and better cope with stress. Dr. Jonine Biesman: Avoiding Crises Through Respectful Parenting</ref> Try talking about:
- What the child believes caused the meltdown (Listen patiently).
- How similar situations can be avoided in the future.
- More effective coping strategies (taking a break, counting, using deep breaths, asking to leave, etc.).
- An escape plan to end future meltdowns.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Calming the Child Using Deep Pressure

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Apply deep pressure. Autistic children frequently have sensory processing differences, which can be stressful or even painful. Applying deep pressure causes muscles to relax.^{[8]
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- Try wrapping your child snugly in a blanket or lay several blankets across them. The weight of the blankets will create soothing pressure, but be sure not to cover their face to prevent interfering with breathing.
- You can order or create tools designed to provide deep pressure online. Weighted blankets, toys, vests, and lap pads are all possibilities.
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Give your child a deep pressure massage. Massage is a good way for you to interact with your child, while applying deep pressure, which may strengthen the parent-child relationship.^{[9]
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Research source} Position the child between your legs. Cup your hands on the child’s shoulders and apply pressure. Then, move your hands slowly over their arms and shoulders.
- If you do not feel comfortable, consider asking a massage therapist for tips. Or, ask someone you know who gives really good back rubs.
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Try a pillow press. A pillow press is done by positioning the child on a soft surface such as a pillow or a couch cushion. Let the child lie or sit down, then use a second pillow or cushion to apply deep pressure to the torso, arms and legs in a slow pulsating manner.^{[10]
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- Never cover the child's face to prevent accidental suffocation.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Calming the Child Using Vestibular Stimulation Exercises

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Understand how vestibular stimulation exercises work. The vestibular system contributes to balance and sense of spatial orientation. Vestibular exercises help to calm the child down using swinging or rocking motions.^{[11]
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- Repetitive motions sooth and refocus the child's attention on their physical sensation.
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Swing back and forth. Place the child in a swing and gently push them. Adjust the swinging speed, slowing down or speeding up, until your child is calm. If swinging seems to make things worse, stop.
- It may be a good idea to install an indoor swing to best incorporate technique. This can be accessed no matter what the weather is.
- Some children can swing themselves. In this case, gently suggest they go to their swing.
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Twirl the child in a chair. Spinning is a stimulating vestibular exercise.^{[12]
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Research source} This activity will likely stop a meltdown by diverting attention from the trigger and redirecting it to physical sensation.
- Office chairs tend to work best because they swivel easily.
- Make sure the child is firmly seated and spin the chair slowly to avoid injury.
- Some children will prefer to leave their eyes open, while others may close them.

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Tips

Speak in a calm, soothing tone.

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Engage regularly with teachers and other caregivers to provide consistency.

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Acknowledge and address your own feelings of frustration to avoid taking them out on your child.

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Warnings

If you are concerned your child may hurt themselves or others, or if you become overwhelmed and don't know what to do, ask another caregiver for help.

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Approach your child cautiously if they are flailing or throwing things, or if they might feel cornered. They might accidentally hurt you.

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