How to Convince Your Parents to Let You and Your Friends Go Out

Co-authored by Desiree Panlilio

Last Updated: June 24, 2024

Whether you want to hang out with your friends at the mall for an afternoon, go to an upcoming event, or go to your friend's house, you may need to get permission from your parents first. Especially if you have overprotective parents, you will need strategy on your side. Do your research, and come prepared to respectfully negotiate with your parents to get what you want.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Choosing the Best Time to Talk to Your Parents

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Ask your parents when they have time to talk. Time needs to be on your side when it you want to make sure your parents let you go out with friends. Find out when your parents have a few minutes to sit down and talk with you about your plans. Be accommodating to their schedules, not your own time.
- If your family is usually all together for dinner, that would be a good time to ask. Or if your family does relaxes together on Sunday afternoons, that could be an ideal time to talk.
- Plan accordingly for big events. If you’re asking about a concert that’s weeks away, don’t wait until the last minute to ask. Parents appreciate preparation, especially when money and transportation will be involved.
- Last minute plans usually won’t fly with parents, but sometimes you may be able to get permission to go to a low-profile hangout at a friend’s house if you spring it on them.
Bugging them incessantly will deter them from wanting to say yes to you. Annoyed parents are less likely to be very giving and you’re more likely to get in trouble if you push them too far. Give them a few days to think about your questions.

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Make sure they’re in a good mood when you discuss plans. More than likely your parents will say no to you regardless of the situation if they’re stressed or tired. Wait until any storms blow over and then ask if you can go hang out with friends.
- Definitely make sure that you’re not in trouble or grounded before you ask for permission.
- You’ll need to work your way out of being grounded before you can expect your parents to let you do anything extra. Cleaning your room is a great way to show that you are mature. Additionally, it shows you can be organized and helpful.
- A good time to ask would be when you've finished your homework and chores for the week. Or to sweeten the deal, do all of those things on top of cleaning up after dinner. Don't forget to drop hints every so often so they aren't so surprised when you tell them.
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Work with your family’s schedule. Whatever your plans are, it’s in your best interest to try and plan things around your family’s day to day life. Don’t ask to talk with your parents about serious plans when it’s a busy errand day. Instead, wait until everyone is at home and enjoying the evening so that there is time to discuss your plans.
- For example, if you mom is dropping your sister off at soccer practice, you could ask to then be dropped off at the nearby mall since it’s on the way.
- Coordinate your plans with your parents’. Try not to ask for extra rides too often and instead think about how you can combine trips around town.
- Avoid asking to skip out on family events to go hang out with friends. Overloading your parents will make them less likely to yes in the future.

Part 2

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Negotiating With Your Parents

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Come prepared to present your argument to them. Have all of the details ready when your parents have time to talk. The more information you have the better your argument will be.^{[1]
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- Tell them where you are going, who will be with you, how long you will be gone, and what you will be doing.
- Be completely honest the whole time. If you get caught in any sort of lie, you will lose your parents’ trust.
- You can’t have too many details. Find out beforehand if you will need transportation, spending money, or reservations if you want to go attend a scheduled event.
- Start small and work bigger. Before you ask to go on a big week-long trip, try asking to sleep over at a friend’s house for one night first. They may see that you can handle little things and then trust you going out for longer periods of time.
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Explain why you want to go. It might be obvious to you that you don’t want to miss out on the big camping of the year or a super sale at the mall. Your parents on the other hand might not know why it’s a big deal, so be clear when asking them for permission. Explain why this opportunity is exciting for you.
- If there are educational benefits, make sure and mention them since your parents will want you to succeed in school.
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Tell your parents what they want to hear. They care about you and your safety and want what’s best for you. Reassure them that where you are going is safe and that you aren’t foolish enough to do anything dangerous or illegal. Promise to keep a charged cell phone with you and communicate with them periodically while you’re out.
- Inform them of any adult chaperones you’ll be with so they know you’ll be looked after.
- Even if they already trust you, telling them that you are trustworthy will help strengthen your case.
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Keep calm when discussing plans. Being dramatic and raising your voice are only going to show them that you’re still too immature to go out. You can show excitement, but don’t let that enthusiasm turn into rage if things aren’t going your way. You still have a chance to convince them so don’t blow it by losing your cool.
- Even if it looks like your parents are going to say no, try your best to not yell, scream, or cry out of frustration.
- Don’t threaten or make demands. You won’t be able to convince your parents by threatening to stop doing chores if you can’t go out. You’ll only end up in more trouble.
After presenting your parents with your plans, let them think. For example you could say, “Thank you for listening to me. If you would like some time to think about your decision I understand.” This will prove to them that you are being patient and mature, even if you just want to go spend some time at a friend’s house playing videogames.^{[2]
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Involve your siblings only when necessary. Offer to bring your sister or brother along with you if your parents are still unsure about letting you go out. Sometimes having a sibling buffer will convince them that you won’t be misbehaving.
- Siblings have the tendency to report back to parents. This can work in your favor when negotiating since parents will be more trusting if a sibling accompanies you.
- However, make sure that you do behave if they come along because they still might tattle on you to your parents.
Even if your parents say no, you can still benefit. Thank them for talking with you and don’t get angry or yell at them. If you show maturity and understanding even when they say no, it’s possible that the next time you ask for something, they’ll be impressed by your behavior and say yes.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Sealing the Deal

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1
Do all of your chores and homework beforehand. Make the effort to clean your room and finish any school projects before going to your parents for permission. Don’t give them a reason to question you, just have everything done so they will be impressed with your mature time-management skills.
- You can also do some of your other chores without being asked, like taking out the trash.
- If you don’t have time before asking, promise that you will have all of your responsibilities done before going out.
- Taking on real responsibility is a great way to demonstrate your maturity to your parents. Being proactive shows your parents that you're ready to handle an increased amount of responsibility.
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Have your parents talk to your friends or any chaperones. Chances are your parents will want to know if there will be any adults when you go out with friends. Give them the opportunity to call and talk with the other parents. Showing your parents that you will have supervision will help convince them to let you go out.
- If you don’t have adults going with you, don’t lie to your parents and say that there are some. They will find out the lie eventually.
If they've never met the people you want to go out with, they may be wary. Invite your friends over to your house first to let them get to know your parents. That way, when you ask to go out with them, your parents will know and trust who you're with.
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Kiss up to your parents. A little groveling or dignified begging can go a long way. While you’re waiting for your parents to give you permission, let them know how much you appreciate them by writing notes or simply telling them. Being on your best behavior helps, but it also doesn’t hurt to do things like bring home flowers for your mom or letting your dad have the last piece of cake.
- Be subtle and not too obvious. Parents will pick up on lies that you make up about them just to get them to give you something.
- Don’t overdo it. Butter up your parents but don’t go so overboard that they think you’re faking it.
Do extra chores on top of what you’re already expected to do. Wash their cars, mow the lawn before they even ask, or help make dinner for a few nights to get on their good side. Doing their work will let them relax more and they’ll be in a better mood for you to ask and get permission to go out.^{[3]
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Thank your parents no matter what they say. Be grateful if they let you go out with friends. If they say no, still thank them. Remember, your parents want you to have fun but they also want what’s best for you overall. Be grateful for their love and protection regardless.^{[4]
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Question

So my mom is really over protective and I want to go to my friends house. Not that she doesn't like my friend she just thinks she's a bad influence but she's not. She's the reason I passed my maths paper.

Community Answer

Sit down with your mom and explain why you like this friend. Mention specifically about how she has helped you. It also may help to introduce your friend to your mom and have your friend hangout at your house first.

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My mom says, "Why did you guys plan and not the parents?" And I end up not going. What do I do?

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If there are parents involved in the planning, let your mom know. And if there aren't, then try and get the parents involved so that your mom won't have to wonder who is making the plans.

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Well I got a B- in math and imI'm not allowed to go out unless I have an A or above which I do in all my other subjects and My new term just started what should I do?

Community Answer

If your other subjects are good, stay on top of them. But focus specifically on your math and get that grade up to an A. Look for a tutor or friend to help you out or even ask your parents for their help in math. If you can't convince your parents to lift their rule, then just focus on getting that grade higher.

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Warnings

During the process of convincing your parents, make sure you’re staying honest the whole time as well as when you go out.

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Helpful 9 Not Helpful 2
Breaking trust is the fastest way to get grounded as well as jeopardize any future plans you might have.

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