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When you first enter the dating pool, online dating can seem like a pretty intimidating beast: how do you know what to talk about? How quickly should you reply? And how long do you need to chat online before taking things to the next level? If you feel like a fish out of water, don’t worry—you’re not alone! We’ve compiled some of the most helpful tips for chatting online so you can get to know your potential date before asking them out.

1

Talk about a common interest in your opening message.

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  1. Once you learn a little more about them, you can craft a message that talks about something you two have in common. Maybe you graduated from the same college, or maybe you both participate in the same hobby. It doesn’t even have to be anything specific — if you both like being outdoors, that’s great, too! Try something like:[1]
    • “Hey! I saw your hiking pics, they look so pretty. I love hiking, too!”
    • “I’ve never met another person who does roller derby! How often do you hit the rink?”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 266 wikiHow readers how they initiate conversations with people online, and 48% said they talk about something on their profile. [Take Poll]
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2

Ask them questions about themselves.

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5

Give them a few compliments.

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  1. Since you don’t know this person well yet, stay away from anything physical, and compliment them on something you noticed in their profile. Stick to 1 or 2 compliments per conversation, just so it doesn’t go overboard. You could say something like:[5]
    • “You have such a nice smile! It really shines through in all your pics.”
    • “You look like you have such a good fashion sense. I love your outfit in that first pic!”
    • “You have such a good sense of humor. I can tell you’d be fun to hang out with.”
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8

Try to reply quickly.

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  1. Try to check your online dating account at least once a day, or even more if you’re actively having a conversation with someone. If you can’t keep up with their messages, consider giving out your phone number instead (if you feel comfortable with that).[8]
    • If you do decide to give out your digits, say something like, “I’m not on this app a ton. Here’s my number if you want to keep chatting.”
    Expert Answer
    Q

    How do you make a conversation less boring on Tinder?

    Kristina Mirgorodskaya is a Dating Coach and the Marketing Director of Amiccio, a New York City social app that helps singles make new connections. Amiccio connects singles by hosting parties, socials, beginners salsa, bachata, and tango classes, and speed dating events. With over four years of experience, Kristina specializes in leveraging people skills, cultivating welcoming environments, and intercultural communication. Her expertise allows her to easily bring people together. Kristina earned a degree in business from Baruch College.
    Kristina Mirgorodskaya
    EXPERT ADVICE

    Try to be creative with your questions and responses! You can comment on specific things, like their profile descriptions or image. Just try to keep it at 5-6 exchanges before suggesting to meet—longer, drawn-out conversations tend to lose momentum, especially when you are busy with other parts of life.

9

See if they want to meet IRL.

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  1. After you’ve chatted back and forth for five to six times, suggest meeting up somewhere casual, like a cafe or a bar. If they agree, you can set a time and a place to have a fun IRL date with someone you met online.[9]
    • Say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed our convo so far. Are you free this weekend to grab coffee or a drink?”
    • Sometimes, people are a little wary about meeting up in-person too soon. If the person you’re chatting with wants to talk online a little more before meeting up, don’t be offended! They’re probably just trying to be safe.
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11

Don’t give out any personal info.

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  1. Never give out your address or any personal information, like where you work. If you’re ever wary about someone you’re talking to online, try looking them up on social media to make sure they’re real. It’s okay to give people the benefit of the doubt, but online safety is just as important as real life safety![11]
    • If anyone ever sends you creepy messages, feel free to block and report their profile.
    • Try to be reasonably sure that they are real and not a scammer. Make sure that the person is following a nice conversation and not asking you about your money.
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How Long Should You Talk to Someone on a Dating App Before Going on a Date?


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  • Question
    What should I write in my dating profile?
    Lisa Shield
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    You should list your basic information and some adjectives that truly represent yourself. Remember, though, that men and women think differently, and there are things that you might say that are inadvertently a blatant turnoff to the opposite sex. My greatest tip then is to have someone from the opposite sex read your profile to give you some insights so you can filter information.
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Tips

  • Do your best not to skip from subject to subject, or you'll run the risk of making the conversation feel like an interview.
  • The best conversations stem from a single subject. Try to go deeper on whatever it is you're talking about.
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About This Article

Lisa Shield
Co-authored by:
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Lisa Shield and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. This article has been viewed 61,662 times.
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Co-authors: 6
Updated: April 19, 2024
Views: 61,662
Categories: Social Media
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