How to Deal With Facebook Stalkers

Simple tips to get your Facebook stalker to leave you alone

Co-authored by Allison Broennimann, PhD

Last Updated: March 6, 2024

Are you being stalked on Facebook? Dealing with Facebook stalkers can be complicated by the fact that Facebook causes us to view our connections as "friends." That can make getting rid of stalkers tough, because they just don't seem to go away, and you don't want to be mean to them. Don't let Facebook stalkers prevent you from enjoying Facebook! This wikiHow article will teach you safe and effective ways to deal with Facebook stalkers, bullies, and harassment.

Things You Should Know

If you feel threatened or harassed in any way, report the behavior to Facebook and to the appropriate authorities.
If you don't feel harassed or threatened but want the person to stop communicating with you, try being direct.
If somebody won't leave you alone on Facebook, block their account.3/1/24

Steps

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1
Check for possible Facebook stalking signs. While stalking on Facebook doesn't have the physical elements of being stalked in the real world, such as being followed or watched, etc., the feelings tend to be just the same and are just as real. Some indicators of Facebook stalking might include (dependent on who the person is and what they're up to):
- Is the person not leaving you alone despite your various requests to stop messaging you, leaving comments, or sending you things?
- Are they leaving lots of comments that are suggestive of the two of you spending more time, or even the rest of your lives, together (and they're not your lover or spouse)?
- Are they harassing or intimidating you with abusive language, cursing, or sexually suggestive comments?
- Are you being bullied and/or threatened? For example, has the person been posting unkind, doctored, private, etc., photos of you online or threatening to do so?
- Does the person keep sending you messages, butting into your conversations, or posting updates about you? Even if the person is not being nasty, mean, or threatening, this still reveals obsessive behavior.
2
Respond in a graduated way. If you don't feel immediately threatened, try explaining to the person how their behavior makes you feel. There is always the possibility that this person doesn't understand that what he or she is doing is so upsetting to you. Try to open the lines of constructive communication before taking the issue more seriously. After all, there's no need to cause unnecessary drama in your life because you reacted rudely to the other person or misunderstood their motives, only to end up with them and 10 other people ranting at you about it! Start by assuming the best and simply asking them to stop, keeping in mind that if this doesn't work, you have all the remaining options at your disposal.
- Say something like, "Hey J! Did you realize that you're the only person who leaves me posts and messages every hour? I'm finding it hard to deal with and I'd be happy if you could cut it back to, say, one post a day instead. Does that work for you?"
- Obviously, if the person leaving the messages and notes is a real-life close friend, boyfriend or girlfriend, or a family member, it is obvious that some of these people will leave a lot of messages because it seems the natural thing to do. All the same, they should acquiesce to any requests from you to chill on their excessive messaging and if talking to them doesn't work, speak with other family members or friends to get support.
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The intent behind the person bothering you matters; clearly, there is a difference between friends and family browsing your online information to keep themselves apprised of what you're sharing and a person who targets you specifically, clinging over everything you do and then remarking on it, possibly spooking you.
4
Consider your own perception of the Facebook stalking situation. If the person stalking you is chatting with you every time you're online, sending you constant messages in your inbox, always commenting on and liking all your posts and photos, and is barely leaving you alone, your response can range anywhere from irritation and frustration to finding it unpleasant, difficult to deal with, and overwhelming. Even if these actions are done only occasionally, there can be a problem where anything they've said leaves you feeling pressured, upset by what they've added, or you've asked them to stop contacting you at all but they haven't.
- Consider your own feelings before worrying about theirs. Do you feel like someone is stalking you just because of what they're saying or doing? Do you feel as if someone is obsessing over you (either because they really like or really hate you)?
- Do you feel overwhelmed, bewildered, or annoyed by their constant messaging and posts? This is enough of a reason for you to find a solution that works for you.
If they comment on a picture by saying such things as how pretty it is and how you should hang out with them, how awesome they think you are, etc., just say a little; a "Thanks" will suffice. If they chat with you and write really long messages just say, "lol" or "ok" to show that you aren't really interested. Next, proceed to not reply at all to anything this person leaves on your wall and in your message box. For example, if they comment on your status just saying, "lol" or "ok", don't even reply, and they won't have leverage left to keep that comment stream running. In this way, you're giving out subtle hints that you're annoyed by what this person is doing but that you're not going to get involved by replying.
6
Leave less subtle hints. More obvious hints might cause some people to feel embarrassed enough around mutual friends online to stop. For example, tag them in a post (put the @ symbol and then their name) and say something like, "I love how (person's name) comments and likes all of my things!" This is not too rude, but it gives them a clear hint that you've noticed and find it annoying. Hopefully, they'll get the hint. Just be aware that they might also think it's a compliment or a thank you to them.
- You might try a post: "Please don't leave comments when I post stuff like X, Y, Z. It's just an update of no consequence!" It doesn't directly name them but it does make it clear to them that you don't think much of the commenting.
7
Ask them to stop more firmly this time. When it really starts to get on your nerves and you've already tried the soft approaches, get back to them politely but be firm this time. Send a chat message or an inbox message and let them know that the constant commenting and messaging are not appropriate, and that you'd like them to comment and like your stuff a lot less. For example:
- "Hey X! I'm following up on my earlier request to you to ease up a little on the posts and messaging. It's really not working for me having you leave so many posts; it's not like I even post interesting stuff worth commenting on half the time. I had hoped you'd understood my request last time and now I'm letting you know that I need you to stop doing this. It's not like I'm going to read or respond to what you're adding and it'd be better for both of us if you stopped." At this point, you can make a choice as to
8
Block the person who is stalking you. This is a measure of self-protection and gives them time to cool off and stop obsessing over you. Additionally, talk to parents, friends, teachers, counselors, etc., and let them know what you're going through. Actions taken to instill fear or make threats are as real and wrong online as they are offline. This is not something to put up with alone and the sooner you get support and someone else to talk to, the sooner you'll know whether or not the fears are in your own head or whether there really is a situation to be concerned about.
- Additionally, you can block them on Facebook Chat.
- Never let any threats of harm to you or property damage slide. These are police matters and contacting the police immediately is warranted.
- You may also choose to report them to Facebook as well. This will bring in Facebook's abuse team who have the ability to prevent them from using Facebook or contact their Internet service provider or local authorities.
- Realize that some obsessive people don't always understand the harm they're inflicting. In some cases, they may even think they've been super friendly or caring, and being blocked can cause them to take this as a personal rejection which might lead them to seek to muddy your reputation if you're not careful.
  - On the other hand, they may just be someone who really got the wrong end of the stick on how to use Facebook and will apologize when he or she finally "gets it".
It's important to let friends you trust know what's happening, especially where they're mutual friends with both of you. If they're supportive of you, they can either take the same action or they can keep a lookout for the behavior of the blocked person and let you know what's happening. This is important for several reasons – if you took this action because you felt there was no other choice but you're still offline friends, then your other friends can help smooth the waters between the two of you; or, if the blocked person feels offended and tries to retaliate, the more people who can support you and try to help the other person see the error of their ways, the better.

Community Q&A

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Question

I don't want to use my real name because of stalking. What can I do?

Community Answer

You can use a fake name, but also remember to use a fake profile picture. A stalker can go through your friends' profiles, and if they allow their friends lists to be seen, the stalker would still be able to verify by your picture. You could also change your user name in the settings, including the url link to your page and delete all public posts you've made.

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Question

What should I do if I blocked my stalker, but he opened a new Facebook account that I am unaware of and now stalks me from that?

Community Answer

He would have to friend you to see your stuff. Hide your 'friends' from public viewing to be safe.

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Question

Periodically I see one name appear, but do not know the person. I'm concerned that he may be virtually stalking me. How can I verify his identity?

Community Answer

If you don't personally know this human, block. If you do, then you should have some type of history, so ask them a question only they would know the answer to. For example, "Is your mum still working at (insert fake job!)?", "How did your operation go?", etc. If they are for real, you can always say you made a mistake, were texting too many people at once, and sent the wrong question to him to cover yourself.

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Tips

Research undertaken by University of Missouri Professor Kevin Wise^{[1]
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Research source
Natasha Murashev, Report: Your Facebook Stalkers May Be Crazed} has demonstrated that healthy wall viewing on Facebook consists of what he terms "social browsing", whereby friends and family look at your general news feed and updates, enjoy the read but then move on to other people and activities; in other words, they're simply including you in their circle of friendship. On the other hand, what Professor Wise terms "social searching" involves a more concerted action on behalf of the viewer. Here the viewer focuses solely on your wall posts, pictures, updates, etc., and doesn't balance this with viewing other people's Facebook feeds. In other words, this person is behaving as if he or she is obsessed with you.

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It is recommended that you only add people to your friends list whom you truly consider to be friends or people you know. By doing this, you will eliminate stalkers almost completely.

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Don't add people you don't like or get along with. Just because they're popular or they're friends of some of your other friends, doesn't mean that your inability to get along won't surface. Sometimes such "enemies" start stalking you by dissing you when commenting on statuses and photos, writing nasty messages on your wall, and liking statuses that you write that aren't good.

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Warnings

Don't feel you have to accommodate people who misuse the Facebook service. Your feelings and enjoyment are as important as anybody else's, and if your Facebook experience has been considerably spoiled by their behavior, then accommodating them any further will simply continue to harm you

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Assume the best before assuming the worst, where relevant. It may just be poor Facebook etiquette or understanding, or the person may be going through a rough patch. On the other hand, if you feel threatened or harassed, don't treat it lightly; get help immediately, even if it's just to talk it through with someone else's level head giving you their perspective of the matter.

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