Dealing With Little Sisters: Tips on Improving Relationships

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How to build a positive relationship with your little sister

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and Raven Minyard, BA

Last Updated: April 25, 2024 Fact Checked

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Reacting When She Annoys You

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Handling Conflict

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Bonding With Your Sister

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Expert Interview

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

Little sisters can take a toll on you. Sometimes they can be loving and sweet, and sometimes they can really get on your nerves. If you have a little sister, it can be difficult to handle your frustration when she annoys you, but we'll share the things you can do to deal with your feelings. We’ll even explain the best ways to handle conflicts so you can improve and maintain a healthy relationship with your little sister.

Things You Should Know

When your little sister annoys you, take a deep breath and try to stay calm. Walk away if you need time to get control of your feelings.
Explain to your sister how you feel and what you'd like her to do or not do. Talk to your parents if you can’t resolve the issues on your own.
Bond with your little sister by spending time together. Find things you both like to do so you can have some fun with each other and improve your relationship.

Section 1 of 3:

How to React When Your Sister Annoys You

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Taking a deep breath can help you keep calm when your little sister is really getting on your nerves. Before you react, close your eyes and count to ten. Focus on your breathing to slow your heart rate and avoid yelling or reacting poorly.^{[1]
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If your little sister is intentionally annoying you, showing your anger will only encourage her to continue her behavior. To hide how you're feeling, try not to yell, ball your hands into fists, or slam the door. If you look unbothered, your sister will eventually get bored and find something else to do.

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You might feel really, really mad—so mad that you want to hit your little sister. It’s okay to be frustrated, but violence is never the answer. Remember that you’re bigger and older than she is, so she could get really hurt if you hit her. You’d also get in serious trouble with your parents.^{[2]
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When you're frustrated, it can be easy to say something mean that you'll feel bad about later. Instead, take a deep breath and really think about what you want to say. This will give you a chance to calm down and prevent you from saying anything you don't mean.^{[3]
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Walk away. If your little sister is being really annoying and nothing you do seems to help, leave the room. Go somewhere else and do something that’s just for you—read a book or play with your favorite toys. Some time alone can help you calm down.
- If your little sister follows you into another room, leave the house to take a walk or go for a drive if you can. That way she can't follow, and you get time to cool down.

Section 2 of 3:

How to Handle Conflict

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Tell her what bothers you. If your little sister doesn’t realize how much the things she does bother you, she might keep doing them. At a time when you’re not mad, explain to her why her actions bother you. If she’s a lot younger than you, try to use simple language that she can understand.^{[4]
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- You could say something like, "Amy, when you come into my room and touch my things, it really bothers me. I don't mind if you touch it, but I'd really like you to ask for my permission first, especially since some of my things are breakable. Will you ask from now on?"
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Set some ground rules. If your little sister constantly does things that bother you, sit down together and decide on some rules. Tell your parents about the rules so they can help you both follow them.^{[5]
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- For example, if your little sister takes your things without asking, one of your rules could be, “You have to ask for permission before you can touch or use my things. If you don’t ask permission, I can tell Mom and Dad.”
You might be tempted to be mean to her, even when she’s not annoying you. Don’t tease her or mistreat her in any way. If you do, you’ll get the reputation as the mean older sibling, and it can make your relationship worse.
If your sister gets on your nerves, the odds are you sometimes annoy her, too. No one is perfect, so if you’ve done something to hurt her feelings, apologize. Not only will this make her feel better, but it will help her become more open to apologizing to you, too.^{[6]
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Deal with feelings of jealousy. If you know you don’t get along with your little sisters because of jealousy, taking some time to deal with those feelings can help improve your relationship. When you’re feeling a little jealous of your little sister, remember that you’re different people with different talents and interests.^{[7]
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- To handle jealousy, remember that you’re older than your sister. While it may sometimes seem unfair, she has different needs than you do and often needs your parents’ help. Consider this a good thing! It means you’re mature and your parents trust you to do more things on your own.
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Talk to your parents. If you’re constantly frustrated by your sister, talk to your parents about it. They can help you figure out what you're feeling and how to handle it. They can also plan to spend more time with you if you feel like your sister gets more of their attention.^{[8]
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- Talking to your parents about your feelings can be scary, but remember they love you and want to help you. Try starting the conversation by saying something like “I know my sister needs more help than I do, but I’d feel better if we spent more time together.”
- If you’ve tried talking to your sister and nothing works, try asking your parents for help by saying something like “I’ve tried talking to my sister about how her actions bother me, but she still does the same thing. Can you help me get through to her?”

Section 3 of 3:

How to Bond With Your Sister

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When your little sister does something great, tell her! She probably wants your attention, so when you compliment her, she’ll feel loved and appreciated. You’ll also probably feel good about making her so happy.^{[9]
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Do fun things together. You don’t have to spend all of your time together, but your little sister might be annoying you because she wants to spend time with you. You can improve your relationship with them by doing things together. Take turns choosing an activity to do together so you can both have fun and spend quality time together.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source

HealthyChildren.org
Health information from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

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- You could go to a movie together, or watch a favorite at home. You can also draw pictures or read a book together. Playing games that you both enjoy is also a good way to spend time with each other.

Expert Q&A

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Question

Is it OK to walk away from a toxic sibling?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

That's up to you to decide—in some cases, the best option might be to disconnect if you feel that it's so damaging to you and your own wellbeing. Each situation really depends on the degree that you can tolerate your sibling's behavior. If they're still being selfish and inconsiderate after you've made efforts to be nice and gentle, you may need to re-evaluate the relationship.

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How do I keep my little sister from following me everywhere?

Community Answer

She's probably bored, or she just admires you and wants to be around you. Try giving her something to do. If she just wants to hang out with you, make a deal with her, like you'll play a game with her for 30 minutes if she'll leave you alone for 30 minutes after that.

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What if she embarrasses me really badly in public?

Community Answer

Calm yourself by breathing and talk to her about it later. Make sure not to retaliate; just think of something different, or walk away.

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Tips

If your sister bothers you in public, don’t react. Let your parent handle it so you don’t get in trouble, too.

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Even if your sister hits you first, don’t hit her back. Walk away and let your parents know what happened.

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Always tell the truth. Even when you’re frustrated with your sister, don’t lie to try to get her in more trouble, as this will hurt your relationship.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If you need to focus on something like your homework, give your younger sister a piece of work to do and tell her it's very important. That way, the 'important' job will occupy her until you are done with your own assignment.
Tell her what she is doing that makes you feel hurt and try to find a way to connect with her. For example, think about something you have in common, like both enjoying soccer, and practice or play it with her.

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