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This article was written by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT and by wikiHow staff writer, Ali Garbacz, B.A.. Ken Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
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Dealing with the death of your parent may be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in your life. It’s more than okay if some of that sadness and grief never truly leaves you, but just know that there are many things you can do to deal with the loss and begin moving forward once again. We’re here to support you and give our best advice on how to cope during this difficult time. Just remember that there’s no specific timeline when it comes to grief. While reading our advice may help, keep in mind that it’s ultimately up to you to decide when you’re ready to move forward.
This article is based on an interview with our licensed clinical social worker, Ken Breniman. Check out the full interview here.
Things You Should Know
- Acknowledge your grief, sadness, anger, and any other feelings for what they are, and allow yourself to grieve in your own way and at your own pace.
- Surround yourself with friends and family and turn to them for support. Get extra help from a grief counselor or support group if you think it would benefit you.
- Do things to remember your parent, such as writing down your favorite memories with them, continuing their favorite traditions, or going to places they loved.
Steps
Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhy am I not feeling any of the 5 stages of grief?
Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYTKen Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
Licensed Clinical Social WorkerDon't get super caught up in the stages of grief. People bounce around all the time, and it's possible to just skip parts of those 5 stages entirely. Just remember that whatever you're feeling is valid, and there isn't anything wrong with feeling a certain way after the loss of a loved one. -
QuestionWhat should I do if the death was really sudden?Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYTKen Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
Licensed Clinical Social WorkerIn cases of sudden and unexpected death, I strongly recommend reaching out for support. See a counselor, or join a support group. It's understandably difficult to process a sudden death, and getting some help is a great way to help yourself make sense of what's going on. -
QuestionWhy are support groups helpful?Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYTKen Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
Licensed Clinical Social WorkerIt helps to share your feelings and learn from the experiences of others. The folks in a support group are also going to be deeply sympathetic and understanding. It's just a matter of making sense of what you're going through.
Video
Reader Videos
Tips
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Reading about how other people have handled grief might help you find your own path. Ask around, read memoirs on the death of a loved one, or ask a religious leader for help.Thanks
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After the death of a parent, take time to find a lawyer or another professional to help deal with legal issues like transferring property, paying off your parent’s debts, and more.Thanks
Warnings
- If you feel like your grief is constant and not lessening over time, it’s possible that you may be suffering from depression. If that’s the case, it may be beneficial to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor to help you work through your thoughts and feelings of grief.[14]Thanks
References
- ↑ Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
- ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 29 November 2021.
- ↑ https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/7-steps-for-managing-grief-and-loss/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
- ↑ Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/bereavement-grieving-the-death-of-a-loved-one.htm
- ↑ Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/bereavement-grieving-the-death-of-a-loved-one.htm
- ↑ Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 16 October 2022.
- ↑ Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 24 April 2020.
- ↑ http://www.cancercare.org/publications/68-helping_yourself_as_you_cope_with_the_loss_of_a_parent
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/bereavement-grieving-the-death-of-a-loved-one.htm
About This Article
Dealing with the death of one of your parents is one of the hardest things you’ll have to do in your life, so it’s important to be patient with yourself as you grieve, take care of yourself, and get support from others. Grieve at your own pace and in whatever way feels right, whether it’s writing down memories of your parent or crying over your loss. Take care of yourself physically by sleeping at least 7 to 8 hours a night, eating 3 meals a day, and taking time to relax, since you’ll need to be fully energized to cope with your loss. If you know something will trigger a memory, such as an activity you did with your parent like shopping, ask for extra support from friends. Although you may want to spend all of your time alone, try to talk to a close friend about your feelings, since expressing your emotions will help you manage them. For tips on how to get back into your routine when you feel ready, keep reading!
Reader Success Stories
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"My dad died last June, and its been very hard for me these past few weeks. Reading this article, especially the part saying how they'd want us to continue living and to live happily, made me cheer up a bit. Thank you so much."..." more
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