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Are you dealing with backstabbing, manipulating, or just plain mean coworkers? Working with people like this isn’t easy, and it can make your job tough to deal with on a daily basis. Fortunately, there are ways you can deal with their behavior. Keep reading to learn how you can handle mean female coworkers and make your job a pleasant place to be again.

This article is based on an interview with our certified career coach, Meredith Walters, MBA. Check out the full interview here.

1

Try not to take things personally.

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  1. It can be confusing when another woman is mean or rude to you. However, some women feel like they need to undermine other people in order to lift themselves up. Keep in mind that they aren’t targeting you, specifically—they are just trying to work their way upward.[1]
    • Some women will intentionally treat you worse if you’re a fellow woman. It’s unfortunate, but it may be because they want to be seen as “above” you or “better than” you.
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2

Be extra kind and supportive.

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  1. If you can kill your coworkers with kindness, it might just make them back off—plus, you’ll look much more professional and competent. Although it can be tempting, don’t stoop down to their level and be mean back, since that can backfire on you.[2]
    • Treat your mean coworkers like you’d treat any other coworker. Don’t be overly nice, but don’t be rude or dismissive, either.
    • Being compassionate might just help you understand your coworker more. Try to think about why they might be behaving this way before you react.[3]
3

Ignore mean or negative comments.

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5

Get closer with your other coworkers.

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7

Call out their mean behavior.

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  1. If your coworker disrespects you or talks down to you, bring it up right away so they know their behavior won’t slide. Don’t be aggressive, but be firm, and don’t back down if they push back.[11]
    • “I don’t like being spoken to that way. Please treat me professionally.”
    • “Is there a reason why you don’t want me in that meeting?”
    • “Why are you singling me out?”
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8

Have a one-on-one conversation with your coworker.

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  1. If you think your coworker is open to chatting with you, invite them out to coffee or lunch to talk about what’s been going on.[12] Use “I” statements so they don’t feel like you’re attacking them, and talk about how their behavior makes you feel.[13]
    • “When you ignore me during meetings, I feel belittled. Is there a reason why you don’t like hearing my ideas?”
    • “I feel disrespected when you talk about me behind my back. If you have a problem with me, I’d rather you talked to me about it.”
9

Keep a paper trail.

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  1. If your coworker is continuously mean or rude to you, start keeping a record of all the communication you two have. Save emails, texts, and phone calls so you can look back on them later. Try backing up your paper trail on your home computer, just in case you need it later on.[14]
    • If you do decide to escalate the situation and talk to a supervisor about it, ask your coworkers to come in as witnesses. They can back you up and certify that what you’re saying is true.
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10

Escalate things to your boss if you need to.

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  1. If you’ve tried talking to them and letting their comments roll off your back but nothing is working, report their behavior to upper management. You deserve to feel safe and happy at your workplace, not constantly on edge. Request a private meeting, then spell out exactly what’s been happening and how you feel about it.[15]
    • “I wanted to talk to you today about Ashley’s communications with me. I’ve noticed that she often uses a belittling tone that borders on disrespectful. I’ve asked her to change how she speaks to me, but I’ve seen no effort on her part.”
11

Look for a new job as a last resort.

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Warnings

  • Workplace harassment is a legal offense, and could actually get your coworker in legal trouble. If your coworker is threatening or harassing you, report them to the local authorities.
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About This Article

Meredith Walters, MBA
Written by:
Certified Career Coach
This article was written by Meredith Walters, MBA and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Meredith Walters is a Certified Career Coach based in Decatur, Georgia. Meredith's coaching program helps people develop the skills they need to find meaningful, fulfilling work. Meredith has over 12 years of career and life coaching experience, including conducting training at Emory University's Goizueta School of Business and the US Peace Corps. She is a former Member of the Board of Directors of ICF-Georgia. She earned her coaching credentials from New Ventures West. She received a BA in English Literature from the University of California at Berkeley and a Master of Business Administration from the University of San Francisco. This article has been viewed 50,903 times.
14 votes - 71%
Co-authors: 6
Updated: August 1, 2022
Views: 50,903
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 50,903 times.

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