This article was co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS and by wikiHow staff writer, Janice Tieperman. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.
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As a parent, nothing is more agonizing or distressing than suspecting that your child is experiencing some type of sexual abuse. But how can you be sure that these suspicions are correct? We’ll walk you through some of the most common signs of child sexual abuse, as well as what to do if you notice it happening. We’ll even discuss tips on how to offer support and properly ask a child about inappropriate touching so they can feel safe and comfortable opening up to you.
Things You Should Know
- Signs a child has been molested include nightmares/sleeping problems, secretive/withdrawn behavior, immature behavior and inappropriate behavior while playing.
- Headaches or stomachaches with no discernible cause, pain around the genital area, and sudden immaturity are also signs a child is being molested.
- Call your state’s child welfare hotline to report abuse or call 1-800-4ACHILD for more guidance.
Steps
Talking to Your Child about Suspected Molestation
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Provide a safe environment for sensitive conversations. The subject of abuse is tough for children and adults to discuss, so it's important to do so in an environment that feels safe. Wait for a time when you and your child don't have anywhere you need to be and pick a place that feels comfortable, like the family kitchen or den. Let your child know that you want to ask them some questions and that no matter what the answer is, they won't be in trouble.[7]
- Do not bring up the subject of abuse in front of anyone you don't trust completely, and don't bring it up in front of anyone you might suspect of abuse, including members of the child's immediate family.
- It's important to be entirely nonjudgmental and reassuring throughout the discussion. Do not be dismissive, lighten things up, or express anger—even if it's anger at the situation and not your child.
- Talking to your children about sexual abuse can be uncomfortable, but it’s important to have these conversations because having an understanding of what it is will help keep them safe.
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Ask if anyone has been touching them inappropriately. When your child is feeling comfortable, bring up the subject in a gentle but direct way. Ask whether anyone has touched your child in a way that's not appropriate. Use the words you and your child usually use to describe parts of the body that aren't supposed to be touched by other people.[8]
- If your child says yes, encourage them to tell you more. Keep asking questions in a nonjudgmental way.
- Keep in mind that sexual molestation doesn't always leave a negative impression on the child. Using questions like "Did someone hurt you?" or "Did someone touch you in a bad way?" might not resonate with the child. Don’t be afraid to be a little more specific.[9]
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Mention any uncharacteristic behaviors you've noticed. For example, you could say that you've noticed your child seems afraid when you go to after-school care, or when a certain person comes to visit. If your child has been acting secretive, shy, or aggressive, ask why. Name specific behaviors and ask your child to tell you what’s provoking them.[10]
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Discuss the concept of secrets with your child. Sometimes an abuser will make the child promise to keep what happened a secret, perhaps even threatening the child to keep quiet. If your child tells you they have been told to keep a secret, let them know that it is almost never appropriate to ask a child to keep a secret from their parents.[11]
- Reassure them that they won’t get in trouble if they talk to you about something that made them uncomfortable or something they found unusual.
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Remind your child that they can always come to you. Above all, it's important to help your child feel safe and unjudged when they talk to you. Tell your child that no matter what, you want to help and keep them safe from harm. If you have a trusting relationship with your child, they will be more likely to come to you if abuse does occur.[12]
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Let your child know that you’re going to help them. Reassure the child that you’re there to support them, and explain that you will be speaking with someone who can stop the assailant from interacting with the child ever again. Keep in mind that your child may be anxious about this, especially if they were sworn to secrecy by their abuser—just continue to remind them that you are doing this to keep them safe.[13]
What to Do if You Suspect Abuse
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Call a hotline to report the abuse. If you live in the United States, child abuse reporting is state-regulated and reported via state-specific hotlines. Visit the Child Welfare Information Gateway's reporting webpage to find a list of hotlines to call, depending on the state you live. If you’re uncertain about the best number to dial, call 1-800-4ACHILD for extra guidance.[14]
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Get in touch with a local sexual assault service provider. It can be difficult to know if and when to take action, especially when it comes to something as serious as child sexual abuse. If you’re feeling concerned and conflicted (or just want a little extra confirmation), reach out to a local sexual assault service provider for extra assistance.
- If you live in the United States, visit the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network's help search page to find a provider near you.
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Help your child avoid risky situations or suspected abusers. Let’s say that there’s a suspicious adult that lurks around your child’s after-school program—aside from reporting that individual to your school, you might take extra precautions by removing your child from that program completely. If there’s a way to change your child’s schedule so they don’t have to interact with any suspicious individuals, definitely do so.[15]
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you know if your child is emotionally disturbed?Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETSDr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.
Clinical PsychologistEvaluate if there's something that can explain their issues. Children are susceptible to sudden and dramatic changes. A child who has experienced a sudden shift in their familial environment may feel unsafe, abandoned, and uncertain about how to manage feelings around such change. It’s important to remember that children may act out when dramatic changes occur.
Video
Tips
References
- ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/spotting-signs-of-child-sexual-abuse/
- ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/safety/child-sexual-abuse/signs-of-sexual-abuse
- ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/safety/child-sexual-abuse/signs-of-sexual-abuse
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/warning-signs-young-children
- ↑ https://www.parentsprotect.co.uk/warning-signs-in-children-and-adults.htm
- ↑ https://www.stopitnow.org/ohc-content/defining-child-sexual-abuse
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/4018-child-abuse
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/if-you-suspect-child-being-harmed
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/child-sexual-abuse/if-you-suspect
- ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/spotting-signs-of-child-sexual-abuse/
- ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/safety/child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-talking-to-children
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/4018-child-abuse
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/if-you-suspect-child-being-harmed
- ↑ https://www.stopitnow.org/ohc-content/reporting-child-sexual-abuse
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/warning-signs-young-children
- ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/safety/child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-talking-to-children
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-can-i-protect-my-child-sexual-assault
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-can-i-protect-my-child-sexual-assault
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-can-i-protect-my-child-sexual-assault
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/child-sexual-abuse.aspx
- ↑ http://kids.delaware.gov/pdfs/dscyf_trauma_disclosure.pdf
- ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx
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