This article was co-authored by Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Erin Conlon is an Executive Life Coach, the Founder of Erin Conlon Coaching, and the host of the podcast "This is Not Advice." She specializes in aiding leaders and executives to thrive in their career and personal lives. In addition to her private coaching practice, she teaches and trains coaches and develops and revises training materials to be more diverse, equitable, and inclusive. She holds a BA in Communications and History and a JD from The University of Michigan. Erin is a Professional Certified Coach with The International Coaching Federation.
There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Do you tend to overreact when someone says something hurtful? It's normal to feel a sting when someone criticizes or insults you. However, if you tend to lash out in anger, cry, or feel upset for days, you may want to focus on developing a thicker skin. While there's nothing wrong with being sensitive, it's no fun to get knocked off balance by a casual comment. By learning to look at the bigger picture, having a positive attitude and building confidence, you can stand strong the next time you feel insulted.
Things You Should Know
- When you receive a negative comment, take a moment to let the emotions wash over you before reacting. If it helps, silently count to 10.
- Separate criticism from insult. Remember that people who habitually insult others have low self-esteem or emotional baggage they need to deal with.
- Take context into account. Did the person mean well, or were they being cruel?
- Try to spend more time with people who support you and view you in a positive light, rather than people who refuse to accept you.
Steps
Quiz Pack: We’ve handpicked these quizzes just for you.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you respond to negative criticism?Erin Conlon, PCC, JDErin Conlon is an Executive Life Coach, the Founder of Erin Conlon Coaching, and the host of the podcast "This is Not Advice." She specializes in aiding leaders and executives to thrive in their career and personal lives. In addition to her private coaching practice, she teaches and trains coaches and develops and revises training materials to be more diverse, equitable, and inclusive. She holds a BA in Communications and History and a JD from The University of Michigan. Erin is a Professional Certified Coach with The International Coaching Federation.
Executive Life CoachThink about what exactly you are responding to. If you usually hear a critique and think something like "I'm a failure", you'll never grow. It may not come from somebody you like. It may not be the better way to give you feedback, but there's usually a little bit of wisdom to be obtained from the negative criticism. So, train yourself to hear and respond accordingly to create truthful and honest relationships with people around you. -
QuestionHow can I avoid caring that coworkers don't like me?Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorRecognize that you can't change another person's opinion of you. The only thing you need to do is have a positive and compassionate opinion about yourself. Once you have self-compassion, then usually being more accepted and liked by others becomes a byproduct. -
QuestionI tend to get very emotional about little things at work, such as when I have forgotten to do something. However, it is not an issue for me if others do the same. How can I deal better?Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorSeems like you are being overly critical of yourself. Learn some self-compassion to overcome your inner critic.
Video
Tips
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Understand that no single person in history has been without critics. Some of the most successful people in history have had more than their fair share of critics.Thanks
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It takes patience and practice but it's worth it.Thanks
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Sometimes what we are most sensitive about are issues we are afraid to face about ourselves. By having the courage to face them either through change or self-acceptance you will find more confidence in the long run.Thanks
Warnings
- Not all people who criticize you, want to hurt your feelings. There is a difference between constructive criticism and plain rudeness.Thanks
- Do not think that having thick skin means being rude or indifferent.Thanks
References
- ↑ Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/rediscovering-love/201105/speaking-you-think-foot-in-mouth-syndrome-in-committed-relationships
- ↑ Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/benefits-of-mindfulness.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201302/how-deal-insults-and-put-downs
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-improve-your-life
- ↑ Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
- ↑ Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201302/how-deal-insults-and-put-downs
About This Article
If someone says something rude, critical, or insensitive, it can be a challenge to shake it off. Next time it happens, take a moment to process before you react. This can be as simple as counting to 10 in your head before you speak. Once you’ve calmed down, think about what they said. If it was a criticism, they might have meant it well, even if they didn’t say it in the kindest way. On the other hand, if they were just insulting you, that says more about them than it does about you. Either way, try not to take it personally. It’s okay to defend yourself, but do it in a calm, non-accusing way instead of lashing out or resorting to insults. You can even say something like, “You’re right, I could have done that better. But next time, please tell me how you feel without calling me names.” For tips on developing a more positive mindset, read on!
Reader Success Stories
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"Thank you for sharing this article, it helped me a lot. I needed something like that for a long time because I was the person who had very thin skin. This fact limited me to be myself most of the time and killed my self confidence brutally. Now I want to fix things. Thank you for providing me the tools."..." more