How to Find the Woman of Your Dreams

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: June 14, 2024 References

Are you waiting for that perfect dream girl to come into your life? While you may just bump into her if you’re lucky, there are some ways to improve your chances at meeting a new partner. This article will help you out with some suggestions aimed at keeping things realistic.

1

Define the woman of your dreams.

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Think of key personality traits you consider important in a lifelong partner. You might be used to saying "I want to find the woman of my dreams" but you need to know what this means for you, such as what her personality is, what she likes/dislikes or even looks like.
- Some important qualities might be loyalty, generosity, fun-loving, outgoing, focused, and so forth.^{[1]
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  Research source} Which of your own personality traits do you want matched?
- Think of the values you'd like this person to hold. Do you want her to have similar values to your own? Or, are you okay with her having quite different ones from you?
- Consider your faith or lack of it. Does your ideal woman need to be of the same faith? Also consider family values––what are yours and in what way must hers match those?
- What interests would you like this person to have? Does she have to have the same interests as you? Or would you prefer she had completely different interests, or a mixture of both? Is it enough that she's willing to learn about your interests?
- Be frank with yourself about appearance. How important a factor is this? Might it be holding you back from finding someone with an amazing personality?^{[2]
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- Be a devil's advocate. What sort of things do you not want in your ideal partner? What would you be willing and not willing to compromise about?^{[3]
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2

Keep your desires realistic.

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When you focus on a “dream” person, you're thinking of someone that may not exist. It is very hard for a person to measure up to an ideal or a creation of perfection in the mind. Having a dream notion of another human being can cause you to be blind to their faults initially, only to leave you extremely disappointed later when these become apparent because the dream is shattered. A realistic approach is to accept that no person is perfect and that it's important to recognize and understand the flawed sides of a person as much as seeing all the things you wish to see.^{[4]
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- Realize that any person you date is a mixture of amazing traits and flaws. You are no different either.
- You'll never find a woman to date if you expect her to be 100 percent perfect. No such person exists.
- Learn to overlook imperfections that don't have a major impact on the relationship. If there are things that will have a major impact, don't be blind to them and realize early on that they could be deal breakers.
- Looking for perfection may mean that you are too picky and won't ever find the woman who meets your expectations.
- Realize that it takes time to get to know the real person underneath. If you have shallow ideals, you may never really get to know the amazing qualities of the woman unless you're prepared to take the time to get to know her.

3

Consider your own contribution to this future relationship.

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Make sure you’re the ideal man of her dreams too. Do you take good care of your health and appearance?^{[5]
X
Research source} Are you interesting?^{[6]
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Research source} To attract a person, be attractive yourself. Most importantly, you need to understand yourself well, knowing your own identity and values.^{[7]
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Research source} If you don't know these things, you will have a hard time defining boundaries in your relationship and you may fail to connect well, be afraid of commitment or not notice when you over-rely on the other person to define you.
- What are your values and beliefs? Do you have these sorted out for yourself?
- Do you know what your life's goals are and what matters to you?
- Are you aware of your flaws? What are you doing to address them or manage around them?
- Do you have an issue with perfection? If you consider yourself to be perfect, another person will find it hard to meet that, ever. Be willing to compromise and to see your flaws.
- Are you truly ready for a long-term relationship yet? You need to know this in order to be serious about your pursuit.^{[8]
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4

Look for women based on your interests.

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Visit places where you like doing things to meet women with similar hobbies. Where do you find the woman of your dreams? This will depend on the kind of person you're looking for and your own interests. You'll be best off staying open to meeting a woman of your dreams anywhere you might be, so be aware at all times. That said, some of the things you can do to help you find this special person include looking where the possibilities are increased. Some examples include:
- Look among your friends. Do they know of people who might be compatible with you? Ask them to keep an eye for someone with whom you might click.
- Go out with a friend to create some possible meet-up opportunities.^{[9]
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- If you're sporty and you're looking for a woman who is also sporty, spend time doing that sport and keeping your eyes open. Join a club, take up a sport or become involved in triathlons, etc. if you're not already so involved.
- Use online dating resources. There are many options here and you'll easily find matches to your criteria.^{[10]
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- Go to social events.^{[11]
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  [v161898_b01]. 19 August 2021.} Mingle at parties, drinks events, dinner parties and even family events such as weddings and birthdays. You never know who you may bump into and the fun feeling of such occasions can help show people in their happiest light.
- Join a hobby or activity class, club or event. For example, if you like dancing, join a dancing class or club.
- Your daily commute. Maybe she sits next to you on the train or bus? Strike up a pleasant conversation if you keep seeing the same woman and feel you have a connection.
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Meeting women can be totally unpredictable, too. You never know when you'll meet someone, and that's okay! Focus on being more relaxed in social settings rather than fearing potential rejection.

5

Remember that finding love is lucky.

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When you’re finding love, it's that lucky moment of crossing paths and realizing instantaneously that this is someone you'd like to get to know better that could happen at anytime. You could be walking down the street, doing your grocery shopping or waiting in a queue to pay a bill when you suddenly get a notion that you've found the one.

6

Be polite to the woman and to her friends.

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Show her respect and treat her friends kindly. They will play a role in judging you and telling her what they think, so be sure it's going to be mostly good things they have to say.

7

Get to know one another well.

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Take your time to get to know her before you know for sure. Don't make an instant judgment as to whether or not this person is the woman of your dreams. It will take time to learn more about her, to get to know her personality and preferences, to find out just how compatible the two of you are. This means being realistic about setting aside the time to do this and not rushing the relationship or your judgment.
- Make time for each other. Do fun things together to ensure that you enjoy one another's company.^{[12]
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- Talk about values, beliefs and things you both care about. These are important aspects for both of you.

8

Focus on getting to know her most.

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Find out all that you can about what she likes and dislikes. If it's all about you, she'll begin to feel that she's an appendage and not being treated as an individual. Take care not to fill the conversation space with everything you care about rather than allowing her plenty of space to share her thoughts too.^{[13]
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- In turn, share your own likes and dislikes too. This can be an area of deal-breaking, so be aware of this at all times.
- If you start talking about things that bore her to tears or bother her, tuck this information away for later reflection. Is this a problem for you or is it something you can live with?

9

Deal constructively with disagreement.

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Managing conflicts well builds a strong base for a relationship. How the two of you cope with not agreeing with one another, having an argument or not seeing eye-to-eye will determine future conflict resolution. This is a valuable part of getting to know one another when determining if this is your dream woman.^{[14]
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- Does she handle conflict well? Does she argue fairly to stand by her point without dismissing you?
- Do you feel that you can work things out amicably when you don't agree with one another?
- Can you see yourself spending a lifetime with this person, able to resolve disagreements in an acceptable way?

10

Keep things real.

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You can't expect to build strong foundations for a lifetime with the woman of your dreams if everything you've represented to her has been a fantasy. It'll all come tumbling down in the most painful way if you try to be something you're not. Instead, be real and let her get to know the person you really are. That way, you'll be absolutely certain that she's the woman of your dreams, because she connects with your true self.^{[15]
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Tips

Compatibility isn't something you can force. It will become apparent in time and is a key part of knowing that you can get along well for the long-term.

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Don't rush her into making decisions about the relationship. Time is on both your sides, so use it wisely to really get to know one another.

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Even though having different interests is fine, having similar long-term goals is important if you both intend staying together for the long haul. Be sure to talk about this before making a longer commitment to each other.

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Warnings

If you both tend to problem-solve by fighting, see this as a warning sign. It likely means that you're not compatible and that neither of you is willing to make compromises.

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