How to Get Married

Co-authored by Cristina Morara

Last Updated: December 5, 2024 References

Getting married is a huge process—but at the end of the long road, you'll have found an amazing union with a committed, loving partner. If you have a loved one in your life, you may be thinking: how does getting married even work? Don't worry, we're here to help. We'll explain proposing, planning the ceremony, and enjoying your big day. That way, you can focus on the fun part: celebrating with your loved ones!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Proposing and Planning

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1
Plan ahead to pop the question. Your (hopefully) spouse-to-be should be surprised, delighted, and/or put a bit off-balance by your proposition. It is the sort of romantic moment most people live for, so be sure to get it right by planning it out early. Think about the appropriate place, time, and words to say. You should think of things your partner particularly enjoys – favorite restaurants, activities, and/or music – but for whatever reason does not get to indulge in often. Use these as background elements to set up a truly memorable proposition to marry.^{[1]
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- Short, simple words carry a lot more power than big, fancy words. If you want to make a great impact with what you say, plan to speak plainly and from the heart.
2
Purchase an engagement ring. Since you are doing the asking, it is your responsibility to have the engagement ring picked out ahead of time.^{[2]
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Research source} Think about what your partner likes and dislikes. If there is jewelry for you to examine, do so and avoid gems and colors that make few or no appearances in your partner's current collection.
- Feel free to specifically ask your partner about engagement rings, but be sure to do it well in advance of when you actually plan to buy the ring, so they will have forgotten all about it.
- Do not feel as though you have to spend an exorbitant amount of money on an engagement ring. The more important thing is what the ring symbolizes. Besides, the wedding itself is likely to set you back plenty on its own.
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3
Ask your lover to marry you. With the ring stowed safely away, begin your day or night out together. Be on your best behavior and keep things happy and bright. When the time comes, drop to one knee in front of your partner, pull out your ring, and say your piece. With any luck, you will get a resounding “yes!”.^{[3]
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- Propose in public, if you can help it at all. Having witnesses around proves to your lover that you are ready to get married no matter who knows it and no matter what they might think. The people around you will love the show, too.^{[4]
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4
Begin to plan the wedding. Once the night is through and you are successfully engaged to be married, waste no time in laying out plans for the ceremony and honeymoon. Even a small civil ceremony needs a time and a place; most people will also want a more formal ceremony, whether religious or civil, which requires all kinds of event planning skills and plenty of money. Do not forget to register with a wedding gift registry, if you would like people to bring wedding gifts.
- Plan the wedding with your lover. Include parents and legal guardians as well. More often than not, they will gladly help plan and defray the cost of the event.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Simple Ceremony

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As a general rule of thumb, do not get married immediately after the engagement is announced. Instead, enjoy being engaged for a little while.^{[5]
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Research source} With any luck, it is the only time you will ever be engaged in your life. Once you both agree on a day, find a justice of the peace, notary public, or other legally-empowered person to perform your marriage. Call ahead and set up an appointment; it will give them something pleasant to expect.
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Be prepared. Arrive to the site of your ceremony early and bring at least one witness along. Dress up or not as you want it: Only the two of you, the master of the ceremony, and your witness(es) will be there to see.
- Need help writing your wedding vows? Check out tips from wikiHow users at our Need help writing my own wedding vows! forum.
Follow the lead of the official and exchange vows. Kiss your spouse when you are finished. You can choose to get a marriage license the same day you get married, in most cases; fees vary by state, but are not usually very expensive.^{[6]
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Research source} The license gives you legal proof of your marriage for tax and other purposes. Once you have it, it is unnecessary to renew it.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Elaborate Ceremony

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Most religious or semi-religious people will probably want some kind of wedding in a church. However, if you and your partner choose a civil ceremony, that does not mean you have no options. Aside from chapels and meeting halls available to rent, city parks, family estates, and even cruise ships may be viable options. People have even gotten married skydiving. Discuss costs and personal values with your partner and settle on a venue that suits you both.^{[7]
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Choose a theme. For people who strictly adhere to one of the older churches, the details of the ceremony will more or less follow tradition; for everyone else, it is time to pick and choose. Remember to keep more than your likes and dislikes in mind. This is a serious and life-altering event; plan it so that it reflects your deeply held values and beliefs as well. That is not to say you cannot have fun picking a fanciful theme, but do not forget the momentous nature of the day.^{[8]
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- Weddings based on ancestral culture can be fun, especially if either both parties share a similar background or come from very different backgrounds, but are willing to compromise. Feel free to get a bit theatrical, especially if you do not want to do everything according to actual ancestral wedding traditions. For example, matching torcs and a silk-clad harpist are perfectly appropriate for a Celt-Irish themed wedding.
- Weddings based on shared interests and style can be flashy and enjoyable for all involved as they provide easy ways to take standard traditions and twist them around a bit for a clever new take. The main thing to be aware of is cost: A Gothic wedding and a video game-themed wedding might seem like diametric opposites, but both are likely to cost more than a plain ceremony.
3
Hire help. This does not necessarily have to be a professional, such as an event planner, but it helps if you can afford it. Otherwise, ask around among family and friends to find people who can assist in planning things like seating arrangements and help put up garlands, streamers, tables, and other elements right before the wedding. For more time-consuming or complex tasks, offer to pay a little bit.]
- Trust your helpers. If there is a question or problem, they will come to you. Instead of hovering, find something else to work on or help out with.
Normally, you cannot set things up for your wedding until the day arrives, but it does not mean you cannot be up before dawn and working on it. In some cases, you can begin to prepare a day or even a few days beforehand. If you are fortunate enough to have this option, take it: Setting up a wedding is exhausting work.
Once the ceremony starts and the wedding is on, you and your soon-to-be spouse are the center of attention, not only for everyone attending but even for anyone who happens to pass by (as in an outdoor wedding) and notice what is going on. This is not the time to nitpick or berate anyone nor is it the time to get upset when something is less than perfect. Instead, set a shining example to everyone around you. Be forgiving of problems or complications that arise. Keep your composure with a smile, no matter what, both during the ceremony and at the reception. Your parents and friends will be impressed and remember the event fondly.

Expert Q&A

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Question

What if my partner thinks we aren't serious enough to get married?

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.

Cristina Morara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Show them you're serious. Put more effort into the relationship, spend time together, and let the relationship grow organically. You have to give it time. It takes a long time for a meaningful relationship to develop, so just take it slow and prove that you're dedicated.

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Where can I get a marriage license?

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At your local courthouse. You and your fiance must appear in-person with ID.

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Do you have to have a wedding?

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You do not have to have a wedding.You can elope and get married at a court house by a justice of the peace.

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Tips

Do not forget to visit the local government office in the state you are getting married in to get your marriage license.^{[9]
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If your name has changed, remember to change your name on your social security card,^{[10]
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Research source} driver's license, passport, your bank account, credit cards, leases, car titles, voter registration, and any other important accounts or documents.

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