How to Get Over Friends Who No Longer Want to Be Friends With You

Co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and Amy Bobinger, BA

Last Updated: September 28, 2024 Approved

If you've recently found out that someone doesn't want to be your friend anymore, you're probably feeling pretty hurt. There are a lot of reasons friendships end—maybe you had an argument you can't get past, or maybe you just grew apart. No matter the circumstances, you can get through this! As you look to the future, be compassionate with yourself as you deal with your emotions, and don't be afraid to talk to someone about how you're feeling.

Here are 11 tips to help you move on from old friends and find happiness in the process.

1

Take some time to process your feelings.

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Losing a friend can be tough. It might seem easier to pretend like it didn't happen or like it doesn't bother you, but in the long run that can make it more difficult to move on. Acknowledge that you've lost something important to you, and remind yourself that it's okay to feel sad about it.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Katie Styzek
School Counselor

Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.} When you give yourself permission to feel any emotions that come up, it will be a lot easier to work through them and start to move on.
- Don't be afraid to cry if you feel like you need to. Crying can be a great way to release built-up emotions.
- When a friendship ends, it's normal to feel emotions like sadness, anger, and confusion. You might also feel confused about why the other person doesn't like you anymore, and you might feel anxious about seeing them again in the future. Be kind to yourself while you're working through these emotions.^{[2]
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- Reader Poll: We asked 195 wikiHow readers how they manage their feelings after losing someone from their life, and 53% of them said that they let themselves express their emotions and cry. [Take Poll] So it's okay to wallow for a little while after losing your friend!

2

Remind yourself that friends come and go.

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Many people will come into your life for just a short time. It's natural for people to grow apart over time. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, so try not to see it that way. Usually, it just means you and your former friend are heading in different directions in life.^{[3]
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Research source} Wish your former friend all the best on their path, then keep focusing on your own goals and progress.
- Even if you feel like you had some part in the friendship ending, don't blame yourself too much. Instead, do your best to learn from the situation and apply that lesson to friendships in the future.^{[4]
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3

Avoid contact with the other person.

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It can be awkward to see someone you used to consider a close friend. If you can, try to avoid places where you know they'll be, especially at first. Also, unfriend or unfollow them on social media—constantly seeing their picture in your feed is just going to bring all those feelings back up to the surface, and that might make it harder for you to move forward.^{[5]
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- If you can't avoid seeing the person, like if you work together or you have the same classes, just try to limit how much time you spend around them. For instance, you might take your lunch break at a different time, or you might move to a desk on the opposite side of the room.

4

Put away or get rid of pictures and mementos.

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Don't surround yourself with constant reminders of your old friend. Box up any photographs of the two of you, and consider re-gifting anything they might have given you. It can also help to delete any old text messages or emails between the two of you so you aren't tempted to take a bittersweet stroll down memory lane.^{[6]
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- Consider storing digital photos on a USB device that you can pack away in a box. That way, if the day comes when looking through them won't be as painful, you'll still have them somewhere. However, once you transfer them, delete the originals off your phone or hard drive.

5

Write down how you feel.

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Getting everything on paper can help you process what you're feeling. Ending a friendship can come with a lot of complicated emotions. If you need help working through those, try keeping a journal where you sort through what happened. You might also write a letter to your ex-friend where you vent about all the hurt and anger you're feeling. Don't give them the letter, though—it's just a way for you to get some closure. Tear it up or put it away in a drawer when you're finished.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Katie Styzek
School Counselor

Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.}
- It can also help to write out a list of positive qualities about yourself. You can refer back to this whenever you're feeling down.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Katie Styzek
  School Counselor
  
  Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.}

6

Find someone to talk to about your feelings.

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Holding in all of your feelings can make you feel more isolated. Instead, talk to someone you can really trust about what you're going through.^{[9]
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Research source} Ideally, it should be someone who doesn't know your old friend very well—they'll be able to give you their perspective without feeling obligated to take up for the other person.^{[10]
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- It can sometimes help to turn to a family member when you're having trouble with friends.^{[11]
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  Katie Styzek
  School Counselor
  
  Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.} You might talk to a parent or grandparent with more life experience, though any family member can be an enormous comfort.
- If you are really having trouble moving on it can be helpful to deal with these feelings in a professional setting. A trained therapist will be able to listen to your perspective of what went wrong in the friendship and help you learn from any mistakes.

7

Be careful what you say to mutual friends.

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It's okay to keep your shared friends, but don't put them in the middle. Mutual friends may not be the best people to reach out to if you feel like you really need to process the loss of your friendship. This can put them in an awkward position, and you run the risk of pushing them away if they think you're trying to get them to take sides. However, you can still spend time with them—just avoid talking about your former friend when you hang out. Instead, focus on the things you still have in common with these friends.^{[12]
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- Avoid the temptation to talk badly about your old friend. This will only make you look bad. Not only that, but chances are someone will tell your former friend what you said, and it could damage any chance you have to be friends again in the future.

8

Get out of the house.

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Find something to do when you feel lonely. Chances are, you'll feel a lot better when you get out and start doing things you enjoy again. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate—something as simple as changing your scenery can have a big impact on how you feel. For example, you might head outside for a walk, visit a friend for coffee, or spend an afternoon at the library.^{[13]
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- Staying busy is especially helpful if you used to spend a lot of time with your friend and now you have a lot of extra free time on your hands.
- If you need more of a distraction, try diving into a new hobby, like signing up for yoga, cooking, or dance lessons.^{[14]
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9

Remember that you’ll make new friends.

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Look forward to new friendships. Try not to dwell on one person who doesn't want to be your friend anymore. Instead, focus on the fact that you have an open space in your life that you can fill up with new, stronger friendships.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Katie Styzek
School Counselor

Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.} Focus on spending time with people who share your interests and values, and allow those new friendships to blossom naturally.^{[16]
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- Remember, you only get so much time in life. Try to look forward, rather than trying to hang onto relationships that aren't working for you.^{[17]
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  Adam Dorsay, PsyD
  Licensed Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.}
- Think about what might not have worked in the friendship that ended. Then, use that insight to help you choose new friends who will work better with your personality.^{[18]
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Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work

Look for friends who accept and embrace you. "If we have a friend or small group of friends who embrace our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky."

10

Find the good in the friendship.

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Try not to see the whole relationship as bad just because it had a bad end. It can be hard to remember what was good when a friendship ends. However, as your hurt feelings start to fade, enjoy the good memories you shared. It can also help to reflect back on anything positive you learned from the other person. That will help you appreciate that the person was in your life, even if it was only for a little while.^{[19]
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- When you think back, you might still be able to appreciate a show they introduced you to or smile when you think about a fun concert you went to together.

11

Be patient with yourself.

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Even if you're experiencing strong feelings of loneliness, know that no feeling lasts forever. As long as you are taking good care of yourself, things will start to get easier with time.^{[20]
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Question

How do you fix a friendship that's falling apart?

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.

Adam Dorsay, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

Expert Answer

Take a step back and—in a very businesslike manner—ask yourself: "Is this relationship that's helping me? Am I helping my friend? Is it reciprocal or one-way? Or is it just unhealthy both ways?" Time is our only non-renewable resource, so don't spend it on friendships that are going downhill that don't actually serve you.

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