13 Support Strategies to Help a Friend or Family Member Drink Less

Help someone you love to cut back on alcohol

Co-authored by Oar Health and Jennifer Mueller, JD

Last Updated: November 8, 2023 Fact Checked

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When a friend or family member is overdoing it with drinking, it doesn't necessarily mean they have to quit completely. Many people without serious alcohol problems find ways to slow down and cut back without eliminating alcohol from their lives completely. Whether you're concerned about them or they just want to cut back for their own reasons, there are plenty of ways you can support them and help them build a healthier relationship with alcohol.

Things You Should Know

Have an open and honest conversation with your friend or family member when they're sober and let them know you'll support them if they want to cut back.
Help your friend or family member set goals and make a plan with them to reach those goals. Schedule days when both of you won't drink.
Show your support by getting alcohol out of the home and coming up with alcohol-free things that you can do together.

1

Talk to your friend or family member about their drinking.

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Have a conversation to show that you care about their health. Whether your friend or family member has decided to cut back on their own or you're suggesting it to them, this conversation is important to establish that you support them. Listen to them when they talk about their relationship with alcohol and let them know you'll be there for them when they cut back.^{[1]
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- Explain to them how their excessive drinking makes you feel using "I" statements. This puts the focus on you instead of blaming them.
- For example, you might say, "I was really upset when you almost started a fight at that party Friday night. I don't think you would've acted that way if you hadn't been drinking so much. I can help if you want to try to cut back."
- If they're more of the type to drink on their own and ruminate, you might say, "I was really worried when you called me the other night. I don't like to see you get so down and I could tell you'd been drinking a lot. I think your mood would improve if you drank less."
- Avoid telling your friend or family member they have a problem or using stigma-loaded words like "alcoholic." Keep the focus on drinking in moderation for improved health and focus.

2

Make a plan with them to cut back.

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Put the plan in writing and include reasons to cut back. Even if you're not cutting back yourself, these changes will be easier for them to make if they feel like they're part of a team. Emphasize that you're in this together. Your plan might include:^{[2]
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- Limiting the number of drinks the person has on "drinking days"
- Setting aside several days per week not to drink
- Not drinking two or more days in a row
- Limiting the size or alcohol content of drinks (for example, only drinking beer instead of liquor)

3

Help them identify triggers that make them want to drink.

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If they know what causes them to drink they can avoid those things. You can really help with this if you spend a lot of time with them—it's possible you see their triggers before they do. Brainstorm triggers that cause them to drink more heavily, then come up with ways to avoid those things.^{[3]
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- For example, if they always drink a lot when you go to baseball games on "Thirsty Thursday" when drinks are half-price, you might go to baseball games on a different night.
- If they tend to drink more when they're around certain friends, encourage them to hang out less with those people.
- If they tend to drink more when they're upset or stressed out, you might recommend that they talk to you when they're feeling that way rather than reaching for the bottle.

4

Schedule alcohol-free days with them.

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Alcohol-free days are a lot easier when you have a buddy. If your friend or family member is committed to drinking in moderation, they really should be not drinking more days of the week than they are drinking. When you commit to spending some of these days or nights with them, it makes it a lot easier to avoid slipping. Plus, you really show you care when you agree to spend time with them this way.^{[4]
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- This means that you don't drink on those days either—at least not when you're around them.
- Avoid saying things that might make them feel guilty about it or like they're a burden to you or they're keeping you from having fun.
- Supporting your friend or family member doesn't necessarily mean you need to change your own drinking habits, but if you drank as much as they did before, you might consider cutting back with them also just to see how you feel.

5

Suggest alcohol-free activities to do.

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Come up with things to do that don't revolve around drinking. If your social lives previously centered around going to bars and drinking a lot, this can be tough. It's going to be especially hard for your friend or family member to continue going to bars and simply not drink as much. Make it easier on them by setting up activities that don't involve drinking, such as:^{[5]
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- Meeting up at a café instead of a bar
- Going to a movie
- Hiking or cycling together
- Playing a tabletop game
- Taking a painting or photography class together

6

Get alcohol out of the home.

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Remove any temptation your friend or family member might have. Cutting back on alcohol is a lot easier if they have to leave the house to get alcohol. If it's right there, they'll be really tempted to just have a drink or two. But if they don't have it laying around, chances are they won't drink it.^{[6]
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- This is pretty easy if you live with them. It might be harder if they live somewhere else, especially if they have roommates or housemates who drink.
- Talk to everyone else who's around them on a regular basis so everyone understands that they shouldn't keep alcohol around the person while they're trying to cut back.

7

Prepare alcohol-free beverages.

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Having a non-alcoholic drink on hand can reduce the urge. Often, the urge to drink alcohol is really more about the urge to drink something—to have something in their hand or to slake their thirst. Keep plenty of non-alcoholic sodas and juices around so they have something to drink when they feel the urge.^{[7]
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- Non-alcoholic beers and wines are another option if they just really like the taste of beer or wine.
- If they have a favorite go-to cocktail, make pitchers of a non-alcoholic version so they always have that something around with a similar flavor.

8

Encourage the person to develop healthier ways to cope.

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Let them know there are better ways than alcohol to deal with stress. If your friend or family member has been turning to alcohol at times when they feel upset or stressed out, that doesn't necessarily mean they have a serious problem. It just means that they need to find different ways to cope that work for them—and you can help! Offer them suggestions for things that would help them deal with those emotions, such as:^{[8]
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- exercise
- meditation
- yoga
- journaling
- therapy or support groups

9

Take them out to dinner before drinking.

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Make sure they aren't drinking on an empty stomach. Drinking on an empty stomach is the easiest way to overdo it. Fortunately, it's also the easiest thing to remedy. If you're going out to a bar or a party, make sure they have something to eat before you go.^{[9]
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- You might also keep snacks with you when you're out with them—something they like and won't turn down.
- When people have a full stomach, they also tend to drink less anyway. This will help your friend or family member who's trying to drink less.

10

Limit your own drinking when you're out with them.

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Set a good example by drinking in moderation along with them. While drinking isn't a competition, there are certainly some people who feel like they have to match the people they're with drink for drink. If you moderate your drinking as well, they'll be less tempted to try to match you and won't feel bad that you're cutting loose while they're trying to control themselves.^{[10]
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- As a bonus, you'll both feel better if you drink in moderation when you go out—no hangovers the next day, for starters!
- It's possible that they'll feel guilty if they notice that you're drinking a lot less than you normally do. Reassure them that it's what you want to do. You might say, "It's fine—I have an early day tomorrow," or "I just want to make sure I get a good night's sleep tonight."
- Definitely avoid saying anything that might give them the impression that you resent them or that you'd have more fun if they weren't there.

11

Avoid buying them drinks when you're out.

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It's a lot harder to turn down a free drink. If your friend or family member primarily wants to cut back because they want to save money, you might think you're helping by offering to pay for their drinks. But keep your focus on their ultimate goal. Even if one of their reasons is to save money, they've still made the decision to drink less. Support that by not offering them drinks.^{[11]
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- When you're hanging out with other people, find a quiet way to tell them not to offer to buy the person drinks as well. This will help them avoid temptation without having to turn down the offer themselves, which can be difficult to do.

12

Point them to a controlled drinking group.

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Groups such as Moderation Management might help them meet their goals. Moderation Management is a peer-led mutual-support group made up of people who want to drink in moderation. Group members meet online and in person and have plenty of resources available that can help your friend or family member get a better handle on their drinking.^{[12]
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- Although it's not the point of these types of groups, many people in these groups ultimately decide abstaining from alcohol entirely is easier than controlled drinking.
- In some cases, drinking in moderation actually helps someone with a drinking problem recognize their problem and gives them the motivation to quit altogether.^{[13]
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13

Encourage them to seek medical help if they can't cut back.

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Being unable to control your drinking is a sign of a more serious problem. If your friend or family member starts having physical symptoms of withdrawal (such as tremors, nausea, or headaches) or if they're just unable to stop drinking after 1 or 2, they might have a physical dependence on alcohol. In that situation, they might need extra help to change their relationship with alcohol. Help them schedule an appointment with their doctor or a trusted healthcare provider to talk about their drinking.^{[14]
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- Doctors can recommend therapists, inpatient rehabilitation facilities, and other resources that might help.
- Their doctor can also prescribe medications, like naltrexone, that will help control their cravings and make them less likely to drink. Some medications are available online and do not require an in-person appointment.
- Remember that there's no cookie-cutter solution that works for everyone. They'll have to try different things to find a combination that works for them.