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Easy habits to raise your social intelligence
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Good social skills are an important part of building rich friendships, enjoying yourself in public, and succeeding in your career. If you consider yourself to be shy, you might run into some trouble chatting with people you don’t know. Don’t worry—there are plenty of easy, subtle ways to improve your social skills throughout your daily life. Here are a few tips and tricks to help you get started.

How to Improve Social Skills

  • Pay others compliments, choose broad, positive topics, and try to remember other people’s names.
  • Stand up tall, speak confidently, and listen attentively when speaking with others. Gracefully exit when the conversation ends.
  • Join classes or clubs to meet people with similar interests or read a classic novel to develop more emotional intelligence.
1

Compliment someone.

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  1. Take a quick look to make sure the person isn’t busy or in a hurry. Then, say hello and offer a compliment. Keep the conversation going by sharing simple insights and asking questions. A friendly conversation with a stranger is an easy way to give your social skills a boost.[1]
    • You could say “I love your coat” or “I really like the way you style your hair.”
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2

Join a class or club.

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  1. Strike up a conversation with someone sitting near you; if you really hit it off, you might make a friend in the process! A fun, social environment is a great training ground where you can improve your social skills.[2]
    • A simple question or friendly statement can be enough to break the ice. You might say, “It’s so nice to see so many people here” or “What brings you here?”[3]
    • If there aren't any local clubs that interest you, consider joining a virtual group, like an online book club.[4]
5

Talk about positive things.

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6

Look attentive by leaning forward and keeping your head up.

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  1. Uncross your arms, so you seem welcoming and open throughout the conversation. Try not to slouch or tilt your head down; when you stand up straight, you look invested in what the other person has to say. Because of this, using good posture is a great way to boost your social skills.[8]
    • For instance, if you stare at the ground with your back hunched, you won’t seem very interested in the conversation.
    • Posture may not seem important in the moment, but it makes a difference in the long run! Looking engaged and invested really improves your social skills in future conversations.
7

Listen to the people around you.

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  1. It’s important to be open and vocal in a conversation, but you don’t want to dominate the dialogue, either. Listen for openings where you can ask relevant, insightful questions throughout the conversation. Being an active, attentive listener is a key part of good social skills![9]
    • Ask people open-ended questions. “What are your plans for the weekend?” will help keep a conversation going, while “Are you excited for the week to be over?” won’t.[10]
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8

Speak confidently in a group.

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  1. As the chat continues on, listen for an opening where you can jump into the conversation. Talk loudly and authoritatively, so other people in the conversation will pause and listen to you.[11]
    • For instance, if you and some friends are talking about summer vacation, you might share a fun experience you had during the past summer.
    • If some co-workers are complaining about the weather, you might share what you heard on the latest weather report.
    • Group conversations can be pretty chaotic, and even the most seasoned conversationalist can have trouble getting a word in. It’s okay if you have some difficulty at first!
    EXPERT TIP
    Jeffrey Fermin

    Jeffrey Fermin

    Employee Relations Expert
    Jeffrey Fermin is an Employee Relations Expert based in Miami, Florida. He currently works as Head of Demand Generation for AllVoices, a platform that manages employee relations issues. Through his work, he has developed extensive experience with understanding human behavior and the intricacies of work life. He’s also the Founder of a full-service marketing company called New Theory. He has more than 13 years of experience in B2B SaaS marketing, and has specifically focused on human resources technology, digital marketing, and content creation. He earned a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and a Bachelor of Education from Florida International University. Jeffrey has won a Microsoft Octas Innovation Award and is a TechCrunch Disrupt Runner-Up.
    Jeffrey Fermin
    Jeffrey Fermin
    Employee Relations Expert

    Don't hold back your authentic self. Suppressing genuine self-expression stifles your growth and can create a growing sense of insecurity. Instead, embrace your vulnerabilities and strive to let go of emotional defenses. Allow yourself to be genuinely seen for the person you are.


12

Read a classic literature novel.

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  1. In the study, participants were asked to read short passages from classic fiction books. Then, the participants were tested on their empathy, emotional intelligence, and social perception. After reading the classic story excerpts, the test-takers actually scored higher in these categories. If you have some free time of your own, stop by your local library and pick up a classic read, like one of Anton Chekhov’s or Alice Munro’s works. Your social skills may improve naturally this way![15]
    • Classic literature can help improve your social skills more than modern novels, like works by Danielle Steel.

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    I suffer from SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder). How can I be better at talking to people when I truly can't help it?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Try using a self-help book or reaching out to a mental health professional for assistance. There are therapeutic ways that have been shown to help SAD. Specifically cognitive-behavioral therapy and medication if needed.
  • Question
    How to talk to a person if he/she is ignoring you?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Consider writing down your thoughts in a letter or email to open up the lines of communication.
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Tips

  • A smile is a great way to show you are open to others and makes people feel at ease. Just focusing on smiling when you meet people will make things a little easier.[16]
  • If you have some difficulty with social skills, you’re not alone! Join a support group to meet like-minded people.[17] There are plenty of support groups out there that can help you talk and work through your social anxiety.[18]
  • Reading is a great way to boost your social skills! You can learn a lot about patience, problem-solving, and empathy when you read.[19]
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Warnings

  • Don’t try to interrupt or take over a conversation with your own stories. Instead, listen attentively to what the other person is saying, and reply afterward.[20]
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About This Article

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Co-authored by:
Psychotherapist
This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Janice Tieperman. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 766,410 times.
60 votes - 89%
Co-authors: 74
Updated: December 6, 2024
Views: 766,410

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Article SummaryX

If you want to practice your social skills, try joining a gym or a book club, or go to a coffee shop, since people in these places are often expecting social interaction. Chat with the people you come into contact with, like the barista, the receptionist at the gym, or the person sitting next to you. Start with casual questions like, “How is your day going?” or “Is it always this busy here?” As you become comfortable doing this, look for other opportunities to strike up conversations with people you meet. Keep reading for tips on extending your conversations!

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Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 766,410 times.

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