How to Judge a Woman's Character

Co-authored by Amy Bobinger, BA Reviewed by John Keegan

Last Updated: October 11, 2024 References

When you first meet someone, it can seem hard to know what they're really like. Fortunately, when you're getting to know a new woman in your life, there are things you can look for that will give you clues to her personality, her relationships, and her values. However, keep in mind that anyone can have a bad day or act in a way that's unusual for them, so you'll need to get to know someone over a period of time in order to get a true picture of her character.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Understanding Her Personality

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1
Spend time with her to see if she's present and relaxed. When you're spending time around this person, watch whether she's constantly absorbed in her phone or talking about people or situations that aren't present. If so, she may have a hard time letting go and enjoying what's going on around her, which may indicate she's more prone to anxiety and stress.^{[1]
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- Practicing mindfulness and being present in the moment are both techniques used to cope with anxious thoughts, so if she's naturally good at that, she may be less likely to be anxious, and she may be more likely to find the good in any situation.
2
Ask what she does in her free time to learn more about her. How a person spends their down time can often tell you about their personality. For instance, if she spends a lot of time with her friends, she may be an extrovert who prefers a more active lifestyle. If she prefers to spend her free time online, she might require a lot of stimulation but be introverted and less open to new experiences.^{[2]
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- This can also be a great way to get to know the types of hobbies she enjoys, which may also shed some light on her personality. For instance, if she likes to knit, she may be somewhat more reserved, and if she loves going to rock concerts, she might be more high-energy.
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3
See whether she seems authentic around you to gauge her self-esteem. Sometimes people who aren't comfortable with themselves will put on a persona around others because they don't think their natural personality is good enough. If she seems to have an artificial smile, she always agrees with what others are saying, she's dishonest, or she acts differently depending on who's around, she might be low on confidence.^{[3]
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- On the other hand, if she's consistently the same person no matter who's around, she has a bright, genuine smile, and she's honest, she likely has healthy self-esteem.
- Sometimes people who seem inauthentic are trying to figure out who they are in life, especially if you're dealing with a young woman.
4
Avoid spending time around her if you catch her in a lie. When you're just getting to know someone, it can be tempting to gloss over red flags like white lies, especially if it's over something small. However, it's important to believe someone when they show you their true character, so if you find out that she's lied to you, be wary—she may be someone who's comfortable with dishonesty, and that could prove to be a bigger problem later on.
- For instance, if she tells you that she missed a date with you because she was home sick, but later you see pictures on social media that she went out to a club, you might want to put some distance between you. Otherwise, you may find yourself wondering later on whether she's telling you the truth when she tells you things.
5
Notice whether she's on time to evaluate whether she's punctual and organized. While everyone falls behind schedule sometimes, most people are either habitually on time or chronically late. If she's typically punctual, it could mean that she's well-organized, serious about her goals, and considerate of others' time.^{[4]
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- On the other hand, if she's usually running late, it might mean she's somewhat disorganized, spontaneous, and laid-back. However, unless she consistently demonstrates otherwise, it doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't value others' time.^{[5]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Evaluating Her Relationships

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1
Talk to her to see whether she's self-absorbed or a good listener. When you're having a conversation, ask yourself whether she spends most of her time talking about herself, or if she seems genuinely interested in what you have to say, too. If the conversation always seems one-sided, she may be self-centered, which can make it hard to have a genuine connection with her.^{[6]
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- Keep in mind that sometimes people talk a lot when they're nervous. If she's talking fast, fidgeting, or switching quickly between topics, she might just be saying the first thing that comes to her mind to keep the conversation moving.
2
Watch her around others to learn more about her relationships. You can learn about someone's character by observing everything from her closest relationships to the way she treats strangers. If she has a number of close, loving relationships with family and friends, for instance, she's likely warm, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent. However, if she has a history of being estranged from past family and friends, she may have a hard time navigating interpersonal relationships.^{[7]
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- Similarly, watch how she treats people when there's no benefit to her. A person who's polite and kind to a waiter, for instance, is probably that way in most of her interactions, but if she's snappy and rude, she may be revealing a more negative side to her character.
3
Bring her around groups of people to see if she's outgoing. When you're getting to know someone, you can learn a lot about them by discovering whether they're an introvert or an extrovert. Pay attention to how she acts around others. If she's the life of the party and seems to gain energy from being in a group, she's likely an extrovert. However, if she tends to withdraw, or she enjoys herself as part of a group but then needs time to herself to recharge, she's likely an introvert.^{[8]
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- Keep in mind that an introvert can still enjoy rich relationships with others, and it doesn't necessarily mean that she's shy. Being an introvert just means she'll need a little time to herself now and then to avoid being overstimulated.
4
Listen to how she talks about others to determine if she's kind. When you're learning about someone's character, pay attention to whether she tends to find something negative whenever she talks about other people. Similarly, watch for clues that she tends to blame others for past conflicts without accepting responsibility for her own actions. These can be signs of negative relationship patterns that tend to be pervasive and unlikely to change.^{[9]
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- However, it's also unhealthy if she only blames herself for things that might have gone wrong in her life, which indicates a lack of self-esteem.
5
Open up to her to find out whether she can be vulnerable. The ability to be vulnerable is a sign that someone is emotionally mature and capable of having healthy relationships. If the woman in question is always reserved and never seems to show her true emotions, she might have a hard time connecting in a way that's truly authentic.^{[10]
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- Keep in mind that some people only open up to people they're very close to, so it may just take her longer to feel comfortable enough around you to show that side of herself.
- On the other hand, if she's quick to share her deepest secrets when she meets you, she may be overly eager to form attachments, which can be a sign of emotional immaturity.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Discovering Her Moral Compass

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1
Tell her a secret to find out if she's trustworthy. If you're not sure whether or not someone is good at keeping secrets, try telling her something small about yourself, and ask her not to tell anyone else. Just make sure that no one else knows whatever you tell her. If you find out later that other people know the secret, you'll know that she told them, and therefore isn't very trustworthy.
- Until you know whether you can trust her, don't tell her things that could be used against you. For instance, you might tell her that your cat has really bad flatulence, but you might not want to tell her about a confidential medical condition if you don't want others to know.
2
Watch whether she keeps her word to see if she's reliable. When she says she's going to be somewhere or do something, pay attention to whether she follows through. If she goes out of her way to keep her commitments, she's likely a consistent, trustworthy person who respects other people's time and emotions.^{[11]
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- Of course, a situation might arise that prevents her from doing what she said she would, which isn't necessarily a reflection on her character. However, if she always seems to have some excuse for why she didn't keep her word, she's likely unreliable, and she may not put a high value on other people's feelings.
3
Ask her how she defines success to find out her priorities. One way to really get a good clue for someone's character is to talk to them about their goals and dreams, as well as how she'd like to make that happen. For instance, if she dreams of heading up a non-profit organization one day, she's likely giving and empathetic.
- If she only talks about making money without much concern of the path she'll take to get it, she's most likely materialistic and may even be unscrupulous.^{[12]
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- You can also observe how hard she's working to make her dreams happen in life. For instance, if she's a single mom working a minimum wage job, but she's taking online classes to have a better career, she's likely driven, responsible, and positive.
4
Evaluate how she reacts to stressful situations or failure. One of the truest tests of a person's character is to see how they react to hard times. A person who reacts calmly under pressure is most likely stable and reliable, but if she reacts to the same situation explosively, she might have a hard time controlling her temper, which could lead to further conflict.^{[13]
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- For instance, if she gets a flat tire, pay attention to whether she changes it herself, calmly calls someone for help, or stands on the side of the road yelling and kicking her car.
- If the stressful situation is a conflict with you or someone else, especially pay attention to how the situation is resolved. Ask yourself whether she owns up to her part in the conflict and apologizes for it, or whether she makes the other person feel guilty.
5
Notice whether she brags about her accomplishments. If she regularly boasts about things she's done, places she's been, or possessions she owns, you might be dealing with someone who's self-centered and arrogant. On the other hand, if she constantly rejects compliments and has trouble accepting praise for her accomplishments, she might have very low self-esteem.
- A healthy balance is someone who's proud when she has worked hard for something, but she doesn't feel the need to constantly brag to others about it.
Tip: Keep in mind that outward arrogance can often be a mask for a person's insecurities.

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Question

What is the character of a girl who behaves like a kid?

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She has not observed much of the world outside. This type of girl enjoys life freely without many restrictions.

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If she's not revealing her feelings to me, should I marry her?

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No, because you don't know her true character. There is no need to take an unnecessary risk.

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She turns back and looks at me. Does she love me?

Community Answer

You can't determine if someone loves you from something that simple. She could love you, she could just like you, or there might have been something specific about the situation that made her look back. See How to Know if a Person Truly Loves You for some guidelines.

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