How to Keep Calm when You Are Annoyed With Someone

Co-authored by Sheila A. Anderson

Last Updated: January 5, 2022

It might seem like some people live to get under your skin, but that doesn't mean you have to react. We're here with tips to help you keep your cool, even when someone is being super annoying.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

An Initial Reaction

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This is important, otherwise you might simply let out your annoyance or feel justified in being irritated.
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Breathe deeply and slowly.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Sheila A. Anderson
Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon

Expert Interview. 19 July 2021} Keep your cool by breathing deeply and slowly, to calm down your nervous system and to buy yourself some thinking space.
- Try inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 2, exhaling for 8, waiting for 2 and repeat. This will help to calm you down.
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Once again, this buys you some time to think about what you'll do and say next.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Sheila A. Anderson
Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon

Expert Interview. 19 July 2021}
4
Be polite and short. Say something neutral to allow you to excuse yourself from the situation so that you can go and calm down away from the source of the irritation. Walk away from the person and the situation with dignity, keeping calm as you leave. The last thing you want to do in this situation is to lose your temper.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Sheila A. Anderson
Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon

Expert Interview. 19 July 2021}
- If things come to a head, don't be afraid to be the stronger person and just walk away. It's easier to let the other person calm down a bit and try to talk later, and it will be easier for both of you.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Working Through Your Irritation

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This can help you to release your annoyance initially. This step is optional, as not everyone finds this sort of physical release useful or warranted.
This can allow you to scribble down all your concerns, thoughts and solutions. Work it out through writing.
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Let it go. It's easier to just let things go and move on.
- For example if someone said they'd do something for you and they forgot, don't get annoyed. Instead, ask them if they could remember to do it at the next possible moment and send them a text close to that time to remind them to do it. Don't focus on the fact that they forgot, forgive them and move on, it's not worth the hassle for you.
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Don't linger on the past. If someone has done something to bug you or even unknowingly annoys you, don't tell them what they should have done. If you need to say this, just say it's ok for now but in the future could they please do it differently. Keep your calm.
- If you're communicating with this person through texting or messaging, then avoid using all capitals and focus on your punctuation. "Please could you not do that" is much more polite and calmer than "DNT DO THT" this will also work to help calm the other person down if they are reacting like this.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Approaching Future Situations

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This is doing you harm, especially in the long run, as the inability to relax and find a place of calm leaves you constantly on edge. For the sake of your own health, tap into your inner calm and rely on it to deal with future annoying situations and people.
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Let go of the need to be in control or to have everything perfect. Realize that if you have a need to control or perfect situations or outcomes, then you are probably going to get annoyed a lot. By letting go of this tendency and letting things unfold as they will, you will feel less annoyance when things don't turn out the way you hoped they would.
- Snap out of autopilot. When you approach the world with a set of expectations and run yourself according to that instead of being flexible and aware of the moment, it's easy to become annoyed. You're actually not ready for interacting clearly with other people in this situation because you're following a prepared script of how the world "ought to be" rather than how it actually is. Teach yourself to be more aware of the world around you and less determined to shape it to your preferences.
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Use mindfulness to remain calm. This will help you to put the small things into perspective. It can also help you to accept that people are going to do things that aren't necessarily in agreement with what you'd like done or said. Mindfulness will help you to respond rather than react to such "annoyances" or deviations in your preferences. Through mindfulness, you can see what is actually happening and stay non-judgmental. This lets you sort out whether or not there is actually something worth being annoyed about, and often there won't be. Even where there is, by being mindful, you can focus on finding a mutually agreeable solution instead of letting your frustrated feelings take center stage.
- Mindfulness takes practice. It's not something you whip out for use once in a while––it's a whole way of being, of thinking and of approaching the world. To assist you, see further How to be mindful and How to exercise mindfulness to be happier.
- Mindfulness allows you to access your self- and other-compassion. This is vital for effective treatment of annoyance.

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Question

What do you say to an annoying person?

Sheila A. Anderson
Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
Sheila A. Anderson is a Certified Image Consultant, International Branding Icon, and the Founder of Image Power Play, an impression management and personal branding company. With over three decades of experience, she specializes in empowering corporate professionals to raise their personal image to meet the value of their brand. Sheila is a Certified Image Consultant with The Image Resource Network and a Certified Universal Style Consultant with The Universal Style International. Sheila is a member of the C-Suite Network Advisors and the author of the book, I.C.U., The Comprehensive Guide to Breathing Life Back Into Your Personal Brand.

Sheila A. Anderson

Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon

Expert Answer

Don't say anything at first! When dealing with annoying people, it's best to pause and collect your thoughts. Once you've taken a moment, speak honestly and civilly about what you find annoying, and listen to their response respectfully.

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Question

How do you fix a sudden burst of anger?

Sheila A. Anderson
Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
Sheila A. Anderson is a Certified Image Consultant, International Branding Icon, and the Founder of Image Power Play, an impression management and personal branding company. With over three decades of experience, she specializes in empowering corporate professionals to raise their personal image to meet the value of their brand. Sheila is a Certified Image Consultant with The Image Resource Network and a Certified Universal Style Consultant with The Universal Style International. Sheila is a member of the C-Suite Network Advisors and the author of the book, I.C.U., The Comprehensive Guide to Breathing Life Back Into Your Personal Brand.

Sheila A. Anderson

Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon

Expert Answer

Take a few long, deep breaths—this helps calm the brain and move it out of the flight-or-fight response.

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Tips

Be mindful of what you say, things that are said can't be taken back later no matter how much you apologize, and will stay with that person forever, don't give in to the heat of the moment.

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If you want, vent to someone else, tell them you don't want a solution but you just want to talk, you can do this to someone like your parents or someone you trust won't go and tell the person and just start something you don't want to happen. If you don't have anyone there are plenty of free, anonymous rant sites like www.blahtherapy.com

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Warnings

Remember to punch a pillow and not a person.

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Prefer learning mindfulness to overcome your annoyance to short-term fixes such as pillow punching. The latter teaches you nothing, the former teaches you a skill for a healthy way to live.

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