How to Make Someone Feel Special

Show that important person in your life how you really feel

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: October 14, 2023 Approved

Maybe you're trying to cheer up a friend on a bad day. Or maybe you're trying to get someone to fall in love with you. Whatever the case, making some feel extra special is an easy and effective way to improve your relationship, especially when approached with tact. There are tons of ways to make someone feel special, and many of them depend on your relationship with that person. However, there are some general ideas and guidelines that will make anyone feel appreciated.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Hanging out Together

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Greet your special person with a smile, and smile often while you are with her (without faking it). Smiling will not only make you feel happier, but it will make you sound happier and more positive.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source

PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

Go to source} It will also let her know that you’re happy to see her, and that you’re interested in what she’s saying.
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Listen. Pay attention to what the person has going on in her life, like her hobbies and what she does at work or in school. Take note of people she frequently mentions; these people are probably important to her in one way or another.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist

Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Give the person your full attention, don’t play on your phone or computer. Giving someone your full attention makes them feel more heard and appreciated.
- Some common people are siblings, parents, grandparents, and close friends. She may also mention pets, children, or even classmates and colleagues. Try to learn about these people and their relationship with your special friend.
- Sometimes it is best to just listen, and not offer solutions. For example: your friend tells you that she’s frustrated with her basketball coach. Say something like, “That does sound really frustrating, I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Avoid saying things like, “I know exactly how that feels”, because chances are you don’t fully understand what she’s going through and it might make her feel bad. Instead, practice empathy by showing kindness and paying attention to the needs the other person expresses.^{[3]
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  Research source}
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Ask about the person's life. This is a good time to reach back to things you've learned about your friend. Ask her about a specific person or event she mentioned last time you talked. Asking questions will show that you care about what she does and what she loves. Pay attention and try to remember the details of her stories. The next time you talk, ask her how these things are going.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist

Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} For example:
- You remember that she is very close with her brother, and the last time they hung out was over spring break when they went on a family trip to the beach. Ask her how her brother is doing, and if she has seen him lately. Maybe ask her if she's been to the beach lately, or if she has any plans to see her brother again soon.
Not only will the memory be a warm, fun thought for you and your friend, but it will also show that you are thinking about her and that you value the time you spend together.^{[5]
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Research source} It could be a memory from childhood, or one from the previous night. Maybe you stayed up all night talking, or you did something crazy like go skydiving. Reminiscing about your time spent together is a great way to show that your time with her is special.
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Slightly touch the person often. It doesn’t have to be intimate, but touching has been shown to increase happiness and make people feel more connected.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source

Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living

Go to source} Hug her when you first see her and when you say goodbye, or pat her on the shoulder when you pass by.
- Be careful to not overdo it, the limit and amount of touching depends on your relationship with your special person. There should be very different limits if your special person is a significant other versus a friend or family member.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Giving Gifts

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1
Learn about the person. Listen to everything she says. Make note of things like important people, sentimental things or places, or hobbies. It can even be as simple as learning what her favorite soda or candy is. Some of these things you can pick up on by just listening, and some things you will have to observe. Examples of common things to notice include:
- Best friend(s). Does she hang out with one person or a group of people all the time? Learn about these people, how your special person met them, and what they do when they hang out.
- Close family members. Is she close with any siblings, or is she closer to parents or grandparents? If she always mentions doing things with her dad, that’s a good sign that her and her dad are very close. Make a note.
- Favorite soda. Does she prefer Pepsi or Coke? Does she like regular or does she prefer diet? Simpler things like this can still prove to be valuable.
- Favorite food. Maybe she loves Indian food, or maybe there’s one specific dish that’s her absolute favorite. Try to notice if she always eats the same thing, or if she frequently suggests the same type of restaurant.
- Sports and hobbies. Is your friend always at practice or taking lessons? Maybe she plays a sport, but doesn’t take it too seriously and just does it for fun. Try to pay attention not only to what her hobbies are, but how involved she is in them.
As much as is possible, try to let the gift be a surprise for the other person. A gift that someone is not expecting or does not know about can make them feel incredibly special. If you are taking them for a nice dinner, for example, you could pretend to be going to a work function until you get there.
3
Give something sentimental. Take what you’ve learned about her and get something special. It doesn’t have to be expensive or crazy, just something you know she likes to let her know you’re thinking about her. If she’s having a tough day and seems stressed, giving her something simple like her favorite candy will make her feel special and ease her mind. Examples of some good gifts include:
- A favorite food or drink. This one is super easy but will still make the person feel loved.
- Something from your friend's favorite sports team. A team jersey, a t-shirt, or even tickets to a game are just a few good places to start.
- A collectible item. Lots of people collect things like coffee mugs, cards, and plenty of other objects. Adding something to your friend's collection is a perfect way to show you care.
- Another option is to make something for her. Have her over and cook her favorite meal for her, or draw her a picture of her. Use your talents to create something that shows you care about her.
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Give a compliment. Giving a compliment can be more difficult than a physical gift, but be an even better gesture to show her she's special. The most important ideas for giving a good compliment are:
- Be genuine. Think about things your friend is proud of and reinforce that idea. A genuine complement is more meaningful and is way easier to deliver.
- Pay attention. If your friend is trying something new, like a new outfit or accessory, that is a great opportunity to say something nice.
- Complement the person's personality. If your friend does something nice for you, thank them and use an extra sentence or two to let them know you think they're a genuinely kind person. Make sure to smile while you deliver your compliment.
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Take the person someplace special. Maybe there’s a place in the woods that she used to go when she was a kid, or her favorite artist is coming to your city next month. Not only is this a good opportunity to see her, but it will also let her know that you care about her.
- Some other examples of good places to go include restaurants, vacation destinations, and sporting events.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Keeping in Touch

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1
Stay connected. Call them when you have some free time. If you’re both busy and it’s difficult for you to both make time, schedule a time to talk. You can also stay in touch via text or email. Send them articles that you think she might enjoy, or things that remind you of her. Ask her how significant people are doing. These will all show that you care about her and the important things in her life.
- When you talk, try to follow up on topics that she previously mentioned. This shows her both that you remember what she was saying and that you care enough to ask about her life.
2
Pay attention to social media. When you talk to her, you’ll have something specific to ask her about. When appropriate, comment on and like her posts on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Be careful not to overdo it, you don’t want to make her uncomfortable or seem clingy. A good example of using social media to make her feel special:
- She posts a picture of her going skiing. The next time you talk, tell her you saw her post and ask her if she had fun. Did she go with friends or family? This will show her that you are thinking about her, and that you want to learn more about her.
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Connect the person with a friend. If you don’t get to see her often, but know she’s looking for friends where she lives, think about other friends you have in her area. If someone comes to mind, introduce the two of them. In addition to showing that you’re thinking about her, this will also demonstrate that you care about her happiness even outside of your relationship with her.
- When you introduce your two friends, tell a fun fact about them to give both of them something to talk about and make them feel good. Example: “Emily, this is my friend Olivia, we played on the same soccer team in high school, and she was by far the best defender on the team. Olivia, Emily and I were both chemistry majors in college and took a lot of classes together, we made class really fun together.” Now they both have context for your friendships, and have a few easy topics to start a conversation.
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Plan your next hangout. Whether it’s tomorrow or next month, setting time aside in advance will show that it is a priority for you to see her. Planning ahead will also help you, in case you need to save up money or vacation time to see your special person. Ask her what she wants to do, and suggest things that you know she’ll like.
- If the two of you have mutual friends or know her good friends, try to include them on the plans. This is an easy way to show her that you’re paying attention to the important people in her life.
Backing out of plans will make her feel like you don’t care about her and can undo a lot of the work you’ve done to make her feel special. If you make plans, don’t flake! To prevent this from happening, mark your next event in your calendar and set reminders if you need to. Put post-it notes on your desk or bathroom mirror, or come up with your own way to ensure you don’t make other plans on the same day and time.

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Tips

Know your boundaries, and don't overstep them. This will depend a lot on your relationship with the person.

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Don't get close to them just to have sex, focus on their personality and feelings.

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If you had hurt this someone and you want to make them feels appreciated again, don’t stop. Instead keep going. The person will likely ignore you in your first few trials of making them feel special, but if you keep the effort going then the person shall fall for it.

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