How to Pick Yourself up when You're Feeling Down

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: December 10, 2024 Approved

Feeling sad is no way to live life. As much as you may have right in the world to feel depressed, remaining in a state of depression isn't what you're meant to do each day. You are meant to do great things for yourself and the world around you. While it may be easier to just give up and lay in bed or just go through the motions of each day to remain alive, you have a great gift in your hands right now. The gift of life. Don't take advantage of it. Every day is an opportunity to make yourself happy. Start feeling better about yourself and your life by picking yourself up with these steps.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Bringing Back the Good in Your Life

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1
Focus on the positives. When life is a challenge, it can seem as though nothing is going right. Overgeneralizing is something people do often because they look at the world through negative lenses.^{[1]
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Research source} The truth is that there are still a lot of great things about your life.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.}
- If you have a roof over your head and food to eat today, you are doing much better than many people in the world.
- If you have friends and family members who care about you, that's something to be thankful for right now.
- If you have a job, you are receiving a paycheck that help you pay the bills, and that is something to be thankful for even if it's not your dream job.
2
Make a list of everything that is going right in your life. These positives can be as little or as big as you want them to be. If you're having a hard time seeing the good in your life, start by practicing gratitude, even for the small things in life and write them down
- Job
- Food
- Shelter
- Clothing
- Loved ones
- Vehicle
- Health
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3
Journal about the good things in your life. Journaling has a positive effect on your physical and mental well-being.^{[3]
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Research source}When you journal about all of the great things in your life, you will start to remember many more of them. As you start to gather all of the positives in your life, you may just start to feel better about things because you will remember your life is not so bad.
- It's best to journal a little each day. That way you can go back and look at all of the great things that have happened in your life.
- Reserve one journal for what you're proud of, so you can read it when you're feeling down. If you like to write about the bad times too, have another journal for that. If you're having a hard time coming up with ideas on what to write, try these topics: What I Like About Myself, The Basic Needs I Have Right Now, What I Am Grateful For Today, and Why My Friends Love Me.
4
Ask a friend to help. Friends are there for you when life gets difficult. They help you remember why you're so great. Remember, they must think you are special if they are your friend. To help you focus on the positives, ask a friend to point them out for you. You can then use some of the other suggestions such as making a list or journaling about them later.
- Ask a friend to go out to lunch with you and discuss what has you so upset.
- Invite a friend over your house for a pow-wow on your couch.
- Call your friend to talk about ways your life is better than you believe right now.
5
Do what makes you happy.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} When you are down in the dumps, the last thing you probably want to do is be active, but it is the best thing you can do for yourself.^{[5]
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Research source}
- Spend time with friends.
- Take a bath.
- Have a mug of hot chocolate. A comfort drink can give you the security you need during difficult times. After you allow yourself to be comforted by something that is warm and yummy, you may feel just a bit better about your situation. ^{[6]
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  Research source}
- Cuddle with a pet. Take time to love your pet for a few minutes. Research shows that petting an animal has amazing health benefits. It reduces stress, which lowers your blood pressure.
- Engage in a hobby you enjoy. You may not feel like it because you are feeling low, but if you force yourself to get started, you may just end up seeing your mood change. It is your hobby for a reason. You enjoy it. Use it to help you during difficult times.
- Find a new hobby. If you're just not interested in doing any of the hobbies you have enjoyed in the past, it might be time to find a new one.
- Listen to music. People who are sad tend to listen to depressing music. Avoid the urge to do that because it will only make you feel worse. Research has found that listening to upbeat music can improve your mood. ^{[7]
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  Research source}
- Reader Poll: We asked 300 wikiHow readers about how they surround themselves with positivity, and only 11% said by keeping an optimistic quote in my wallet or pocket. [Take Poll] While this can still make you feel more positive, try doing things you love instead.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Taking Control of the Situation

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1
Know what you can control. Take a few minutes to think about your situation and what you can control in it. Just know that you may not be able to control the major stressor, but you may be able to control the smaller ones that are contributing to the situation. When you do this, you'll be able to feel some relief from the pressure you've had on you. ^{[8]
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Research source}
- You may not be able to control where you move to, but you can control what you do in the new location.
- You may not be able to lose weight, but you can eat well and exercise more to be in better health. ^{[9]
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  Trustworthy Source
  
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  
  Go to source}
- You may not be able to get back together with your significant other, but you can look through photos or read old letters.
2
Take action. When people get into a crisis situation, they may become frozen. They don't know what to do or say because they are just too anxious. If this sounds like you right now, it's only making you feel worse. You can start to feel better by taking action. Devise a plan of how you'll act, so you have a better chance of your action being effective.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.}
- You may not be able to control where you move to, but you can make the best of it by joining a group in the community to make new friends.
- You may miss your friends, so you look up flights, hotels, and you're going to take time out of work to visit them.
3
Change your perception. When you change your perception, you change the situation you're in, which means you may have more control.^{[11]
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Research source} You can do this by considering your situation in a different way. You may want to look at it positively versus negatively.
- You may not be able to buy a new car right now, but you have a car that runs to get to work every morning.
- You may have broken up with significant other, but you also don't have to deal with the arguments anymore.
- You may not be able to see your children right now, but you will be able to see them in the near future.
^{[12]
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Research source} Everything in life can be a lesson. You will need to take a step back to see the big picture to be able to benefit from what it is teaching you. When you know what you're supposed to learn from the situation, you'll be much calmer and not feel so out of control because you'll have more knowledge.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Increasing Physical Activity

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1
Exercise more. Exercise can release endorphins that can make you feel good. This works better if you can get your heart pumping to increase blood flow throughout your body. You can do that in the following ways.
- Go for a jog or run outside. You'll benefit is two ways by exercising like this. You will be raising your heart rate and soak up vitamin D, which can also boost your mood.
- Lift weights at the gym. While cardio is great for elevating your heart rate, weight lifting has metabolic benefits that will also help you feel better about yourself and life.
- Join an exercise class. Exercise classes help you learn some great ways to move that will help your body become more flexible and strong.
2
Start playing a sport. Playing a sport can help you vent aggression. This can help you feel a lot better, especially when you're not just sad, but angry too. ^{[13]
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Research source}
- Football is a good option because you can tackle people.
- Baseball allows you to hit a ball as hard as you can, which can release tension.
- Tennis can have the same effect as baseball as long as you can control where the ball goes after you hit.
- Soccer can be cathartic because you need to run as fast as possible and kick the ball with everything you have inside of you.
3
Take more walks. Walking can give you a break from a bad day, which could give you a different perspective.
- Take your dog with you. It can be much more fun to have your furry friend with you.
- Ask a friend to join you. It can be nice to reconnect with someone on a walk.
- Notice the beauty of nature around you. This can help you appreciate the world more to improve your mood.
- Park farther away, so you have to walk more.
- Take the stairs whenever possible to get in more steps.
- Wear a step counter to keep track of how much you're walking each day. You can set up goals to make sure you get in enough steps.
- Use a walking video to help you. For example, Leslie Sansone's Walk video can help you walk miles a day.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Giving Yourself a Pep Talk

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1
Change your self-talk. Everyone experiences self-talk. It's that little voice inside of your head that can make you feel really good or really bad. Many people don't realize they are speaking negatively to themselves and that can make them feel really depressed. You may be experiencing that right now, so try to change the way you talk to yourself.
- Tell yourself you are worthy of happiness. It can be easy to feel guilty. Everyone makes mistakes, though. Tell yourself that you have done a lot of good in your life, and you deserve to be happy.
- Look at yourself in the mirror, smile and remind yourself of something you are proud of. This may be different for different people, but ideas include: what a great friend you are, how thoughtful you are during birthdays, etc. You need to see yourself looking happy even if you do not feel that way. Studies have found that people who make themselves smile will end up feeling happier. ^{[14]
  X
  Research source} Telling yourself you are awesome even if you don't feel that way can also change the way you feel because you may not say that often about yourself.
- Tell yourself you have done the best you could do. You cannot do more than your best. Allow yourself to know that by saying, “I have done the best I could do.” This can relieve a lot of the pressure you have placed on yourself.
- Change your self-talk from you to I statement. Instead of saying, "You should really start exercising more," you should say, "I'm going to start exercising more."^{[15]
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  Research source}
2
List what you love about yourself. When you make a list of the things that you're proud of, you'll be able to see how great you really are and whenever you're down in the dumps, you can remind yourself that life isn't all that bad.^{[16]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.}
- Do the same thing with short term and long term goals. Tell yourself that you will achieve them. Think of some good ways you can make progress towards them.
- Remind yourself of everything you've accomplished over the years. Give yourself a pat on the back for each accomplishment.
3
Allow yourself not to care so much. When you care too much, you end up putting too much pressure on yourself. You can tell yourself not to care so much, which can help you release some of that tension. It's being self-compassionate and it can work if you say the right things to yourself.
- You can try telling yourself that work will be okay without you for a week. You've set everything up and people will appreciate that about you.
- You can tell yourself that you did all you could to save the relationship. It takes two to make it work, and you can't make another person be with you.
- Just because someone is mad at you, it doesn't mean you've done something bad. That person may just have an internal struggle that has nothing to do with you. Telling yourself that can help you feel better about the situation.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can I lift my mood?

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program.

Annie Lin, MBA

Life & Career Coach

Expert Answer

Write your feelings in a journal, talk to a trusted friend, mentor, or coach, or say a prayer. That will help you process your emotions and find closure.

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Question

How do I get better mentally?

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program.

Annie Lin, MBA

Life & Career Coach

Expert Answer

It may be tough, but the first step is allowing yourself to feel your emotions when you're feeling down. Don't try to escape from it. Instead, breathe consciously through the mental and physical discomfort. Then, express your feelings, either in a journal or by talking to a trusted friend.

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Question

How can I pick myself up again after hurting someone?

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program.

Annie Lin, MBA

Life & Career Coach

Expert Answer

Be honest with yourself about your part in the situation. Also, think about whether there's any action you need to take to correct the situation. This will help you learn to do it differently in the future.

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Start with just one of the above suggestions to see if it makes you feel better. If it doesn't, try something else. It will take some time to understand what works for you.

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It can be difficult to do some of these ways to pick yourself up when you're feeling down. Be good to yourself and do what you can when you can.

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Warnings

If you don't start feeling better after a few days, seek professional help from a physician or therapist.

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Check with your doctor before starting any exercise program.

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