How to Propose Marriage

Co-authored by Nicolette Tura, MA and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: September 16, 2023 Approved

Proposing marriage can be one of the most nerve-wracking and exciting moments of your life. You may feel a lot of pressure to get every last detail right. Fortunately, there are no rules about proposing! As long as you keep it personal and consider your partner's wishes, you'll do fine. To help you out, we've got a simple list of suggestions that can help you plan and propose with confidence.

1

Choose a meaningful location.

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Pick a beautiful, memorable, or sentimental spot. You might go back to the place where you first met or the location of your first date. If you want to surprise them, you might find a really beautiful, romantic spot—a local botanical garden, the top of the Eiffel Tower, you name it! Maybe there's a museum that your partner loves that would make a great location.^{[1]
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- There's a lot of pressure put on finding the perfect spot for a proposal, but keep in mind that your partner might love a romantic moment more than a dream location. For example, you might ask them on your apartment balcony, but do it at night with soft candles and the stars shining so it's really romantic.

2

Pick the right time.

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Aim for a calmer day when neither of you has to deal with a lot of work, life, or family stress. Don’t piggyback your proposal onto another special event (like someone else’s wedding, a birthday, or holidays). If you’re feeling a little jittery, propose earlier in the evening and plan a fun night afterwards.^{[2]
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3

Keep your partner's preferences in mind.

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Make each decision based on their personal preferences. There's no right or wrong way to propose and the proposal should be tailored to fit your partner. One person might love a big surprise proposal in front of their entire extended family while another may prefer an intimate proposal with just the two of you present.^{[3]
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- For instance, if you know your partner hates being the center of attention, definitely don’t propose on the big screen at a sporting event. On the other hand, if you know they’d get a thrill out of having 50,000 people watching them say “yes,” go for it!

4

Don't be afraid to challenge expectations.

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A proposal doesn't have to mean a man asks a woman on bended knee. It's perfectly alright for a woman to ask her boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, it may not be the traditionally-held view of a proposal, but proposing marriage is all about doing what's best for you two as a couple.^{[4]
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- So long as you know it suits your partner, there’s nothing wrong with a marriage proposal being a sit-down conversation. Talk with your partner about the pros and cons of this momentous step. You could agree to marriage after this conversation or even follow it up with a more traditional proposal.

5

Follow cultural traditions.

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They may expect you to ask for their parent's permission, for instance. Since traditional proposals are different around the world, find out what matters to your partner and include it in your proposal. They may want a diamond ring when you propose or they might want you to get your whole family's blessing before you ask, for example.
- Not sure if they want a traditional proposal? Pay attention to how they respond to proposals involving friends or even celebrities. You could ask, “So, what did you think of that proposal?”

6

Pick a ring if your partner would like one.

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Present the ring when you propose to show them that you're serious. If you know that your partner would love to get a ring and you know what they like, go ahead and choose one. It's also completely fine to skip a ring if your partner doesn't want one or would rather pick one out themselves.^{[5]
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- It's not hard to get a ring sized, so don't stress about getting the perfect fit without your partner realizing what you're doing.
- Not everyone wants a diamond engagement ring! Pay attention to styles they like and don't be afraid to go for something basic, vintage, or antique.

7

Ask or hire someone to take pictures.

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This way, you won't be worried about taking photos and popping the question! If you want to keep the proposal private, but still want pictures, consider asking someone to take photos of you after your partner has said yes.^{[6]
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8

Plan to spend quality time together after the proposal.

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Your celebration is totally up to you. Choose something that you and your partner will really enjoy. It might look like opening a bottle of champagne at home, calling or video chatting your families, or throwing the party of the century. Just make sure you build in that post-proposal time so you don’t have to rush off to any meetings, appointments, or other non-romantic events.^{[7]
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9

Practice what you want to say.

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You could keep it simple or give a thoughtful speech. Either way, decide what you're going to say in advance so you will be prepared to ask. Practicing can also make the proposal sound more natural and heartfelt later on.^{[8]
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- It's completely fine to keep the proposal brief! You could say nice things about your partner and finish with the classic, "Will you marry me?" request at the end. For instance, say, "Alex, the last 2 years have been the best of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life being happy with you. Will you marry me?"

10

Pick a nice outfit.

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Choose clothes that make you look good and reflect your personality. A fancy suit or dress might be your thing for a nice dinner proposal, or you might throw on your favorite pair of hiking boots for a proposal on a mountaintop. No matter what you wear, check your clothes for any stains, holes, or fashion faux-pas that might not look so great in photos.^{[9]
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- Consider where you’ll store the ring (if you’re using one). Pick an outfit with pockets or bring a bag/purse.

11

Enjoy the moment instead of worrying.

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Keep the proposal in perspective and don't stress too much. Not everyone's proposal goes according to plan and that's fine! The whole point is to express your love and ask the person you love to marry you.
- Instead of fretting over the details as the proposal happens, soak in the whole moment. After all, this should be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

12

Pop the question.

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Look into your partner’s eyes and say what you want to say. Whether you get down on one knee or not is totally up to you. Speak from the heart and keep these ideas in mind:^{[10]
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- Embrace nostalgia and talk about when you met: “When we first started dating, I couldn’t believe the cool skater girl wanted to go out with me.”
- Describe what you love about them: “You’re one of the kindest, smartest, strongest people I know. You inspire me every day to become a better person.”
- Talk about your future together: “Even though we’re both terrified of getting older, all I want to do is start a family and grow old with you.”
- Ask the most important question: “Will you marry me?”

13

Talk about the future with your partner.

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Have the big talk where you imagine a life together. It's critical to be on the same page as your partner—where will you live? Do you want children? Will you have pets? Discuss the issues that are really important to you so you're completely sure that you're ready to get married.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Nicolette Tura, MA
Empowerment Coach

Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.}
- Talk about how you'll make decisions together. For instance, if one of you gets offered a job and you'd both have to relocate, how would you decide what to do?

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Question

What should you not do during a proposal?

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This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

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In general, it’s best to avoid doing something that might make your partner feel really uncomfortable or embarrassed. Avoid really public proposals unless you’re sure that your partner would be into it and is interested in marrying you, or they may feel pressured or put on the spot. Another big no-no is proposing in a setting where you’d be taking the spotlight away from someone else, like at a friend’s wedding. If you’re proposing with a ring, don’t try to hide it someplace where it might get lost, overlooked, or even swallowed (like in the bottom of a drink or inside a cake)!

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Is proposing at home okay?

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Definitely, but try to get a sense of whether that’s something your partner would like. Some people might enjoy having such an intimate, private moment in the comfort of home, while others might prefer a more exciting or romantic setting.

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How does a woman propose?

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It totally depends on your personal preferences and the vibe you have as a couple! If you want to keep it simple and casual, wait for an intimate moment, like when you and your partner are sitting together enjoying a quiet drink, then just ask. If you’d rather make it more dramatic, you might arrange a romantic walk in the park and then go down on one knee, or surprise them with a ring or a note tucked into some flowers or a gift box.

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Tips

If your anxiety about proposing is just too great, you might find that it's easier to record your thoughts and the big question. Show your partner the video and then pull out the ring!^{[12]
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Practice a calming technique if you're nervous about proposing. Take deep breaths or meditate for a few minutes if you're feeling tense.

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If you’re really stuck trying to figure out the right way to propose, consider hiring a wedding planner to help plan your proposal. They'll interview you so they can come up with a personalized proposal plan.

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