Q&A for How to Cope After the Death of a Pet

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  • Question
    Why is losing a pet so painful?
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Expert Answer
    In the United States, we don’t know how to grieve very well; we don’t really talk about death because, in many social circles, it’s not considered polite conversation. Our pets teach us directly about death and how to grieve. Sometimes we’re there for the death or burial. Ultimately, our pets teach us how to mourn and how to appreciate the preciousness of life.
  • Question
    Is it normal to mourn the loss of a pet?
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Expert Answer
    Of course—this can be a huge loss to a person. Pets give us unconditional love, and they bring out our best qualities. It can help to find people in your circle who really understand the magnitude of your loss.
  • Question
    How do I cope with the loss of my dog?
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Expert Answer
    Try writing a eulogy for them. Write down some things you learned from them and some transitions you went through in life together. For instance, you might have gotten the dog when you were young, and they were there as you went to middle school, got your driver's license, and learned to drive. Note how your life will be different, and acknowledge that your pet will always be a part of you, even though they're gone.
  • Question
    How soon is too soon to get another pet?
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Expert Answer
    Only you will know when it's time to get a new pet. Hopefully, having had such a good experience, you'll be willing to invest your heart in allowing another creature to come into your life. Just recognize that getting a new animal doesn't mean you're replacing the previous one—it's actually a way to honor the relationship you had with your other pet.
  • Question
    How long will I grieve for my dog?
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Expert Answer
    Grief is dynamic—it's constantly changing and it goes through various stages. These include Denial (thinking "This isn't happening"), Anger ("Why did this happen?"), Bargaining ("Maybe if I had done something different, this wouldn't have happened"), Depression ("I feel hopeless"), and Acceptance ("This happened but I've grown from it").
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