Q&A for How to Pass Gas in Bed Without Anyone Noticing

A sphincter is a muscle that holds the anus and bladder closed. Everybody has one.

Well, then I think your bed partner will know you farted. Laugh about it.

Just pass it. You could ask to be lowered down and move away from that person if you want to be a little more discreet.

If you are in the bathroom, you are in the optimal place to do it. Do it there, as opposed to anywhere else.

Say "Sorry" for politeness's sake, but chances are the other person won't care. It shouldn't be a big deal.

You don't have to be rude or insulting, obviously, but you also can't just let it go. If you feel this is something you don't like, you'll have to let her know. Just because she's sensitive to criticism doesn't mean you can't criticize her. Take her feelings into account, but certainly do address the issue. "Look, honey, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I truly feel bad when you do that."

Hold the gas in, and the urge will go away. If you need to pee and there is absolutely nowhere to go without being seen, then keep really still and cross your legs. Only move to change positions.

Then you should try this as you would in bed. Lean as back as you can, put your hands under your butt and open it and let it out slowly. Try not to attract too much attention to you as you will get more nervous and you will result in failing to silently pass gas.

If you need to publicly pass audible gas, try to make some noise as a distraction. A quick cough, shout, or a loud question may be the best way.

Go to the bathroom and clean yourself off. You can wash the sheets afterwards.

Just let it come naturally, I suppose. Don't force it or it may be loud or it might not even be a fart.

Just say a quick apology and keep going. It happens, and most people will be understanding about it.

Yes! They work extremely well. If you don't have a pair, consider using a dryer sheet.

You clean up the mess. Then you start wearing diapers. You might also want to consult with a doctor.