What Kind of Reality Check Do I Need Quiz
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QuestionHow do you handle social pressure?
Nicolette Tura, MANicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.
Empowerment Coach
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QuestionHow do I stop being a pushover?Nicolette Tura, MANicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.
Empowerment CoachBe honest with yourself regarding what you can and can't do, and stay true to your integrity. Understand that if you continue to people please, you may end up lashing out and feeling burnt out. Try to have open and honest conversations with people, as that can encourage compromise. -
QuestionHow can I stop wanting to please everyone?Nicolette Tura, MANicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.
Empowerment CoachWhen you find yourself people pleasing, ask yourself a few questions before you say yes to something. Does this action make me happy? Do I want to do this? Why am I doing this? Make sure you are staying true to your own needs and sense of integrity before giving a response. -
QuestionHow will my life change if I stop people-pleasing?
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MAMichelle Shahbazyan is a Life Coach, Author, and Speaker based in Los Angeles, California. She is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service. She has over 15 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. Michelle has helped thousands of clients achieve peace, fulfillment, and a healthier mindset. Her ultimate goal is to provide her clients with the tools, perspectives, and resources needed to create the life they desire. Michelle specializes in supporting individuals and couples with a wide array of concerns, including depression, anxiety, love and relationship issues, ADHD, grief, stress, anger management, and career planning. Her approach is informed by neuroscience, anthropology, sociology, and behavioral biology, ensuring that the strategies she develops with clients are both effective and enduring. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.
Life Coach, Author, and SpeakerWhen you're better at taking care of yourself, you'll find that your life will be thoroughly enhanced. You'll feel better, you'll be more productive, and you will have more time and energy for yourself. It's a very different way of living. -
QuestionI feel really sorry for dumping my ex because of how sad he became, but I was miserable with him. How can I stop feeling guilty?
Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorHis emotions are not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to yourself and your needs. There were reasons for why you broke up with him. Refer back to those reasons and try to relate how they went against your personal needs. -
QuestionSome kids say I need to stand up for myself, but I still don't know how! I'm scared to say no and I always end up saying yes. How do I say no to people and my friends?Paul Chernyak, LPCPaul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
Licensed Professional CounselorIt can be helpful to practice saying "no" by using some of the exercises presented in the article. You may also want to get to know yourself better by writing down what you will or won't allow from others. -
QuestionHow can I differentiate between kindness by choice, and kindness by fear or guilt?
Community AnswerYou should be in tune with your own feelings. Surely you know what fear and guilt feel like. If you feel fear or guilt and it's because of the fear or guilt that you want to be kind to the person, then, clearly, that's kindness out of guilt or fear. Kindness by choice means there is nothing at stake for you, whether or not you choose to do the act of kindness. You're doing it simply because it pleases you to help the person. -
QuestionHow do you answer aggressive and manipulative people who are using your contacts and relations to obtain favors and things from you and your connections?
Community AnswerTry the broken record technique: continuing to say the same thing over and again, no matter how much they keep pressing. For example: "No thanks" or "Not right now". Repeat the same thing until they give up and go away. Ask your connections to be careful and to avoid helping these manipulative people. -
QuestionI often do a lot for others and I get really hurt when they don't return the favor. I can't just not do things for others because if I say no, I feel really guilty. What should I do?
Community AnswerStand up for yourself! If people are taking advantage of you or your resources but refusing to return the favor, stop being so generous to them. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. If you are worried that you will lose their friendship if you stop being generous, then they are not your true friends and you deserve better. If they are your true friends, you should be able to confront them and say exactly how you feel. Another option is to tell the person in a joking way that they "owe you" because of what you did for them. People rarely say no to a lighthearted/funny request. -
QuestionMy friends are always asking me for rides, and they never pay me for fuel or breakdowns. I'm desperately low on money. What do I do?
Community AnswerYou aren't a free taxi service, so it's time for them to stop using you like one. Explain your financial situation, and say that you can no longer afford to give free rides. (If they get angry, use the broken record technique of repeating it until they give up.) You may choose to drive them if they pay for gas, or wait until you can afford a car that doesn't break down so much.
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QuestionHow do I deal with friends that take advantage of me?
Community AnswerLearning to say no is the first thing. If they get mad or upset, it's not worth it, and they are not real friends. -
QuestionThe popular kids ask me to do things for them, and I end up doing them. If I don't, they will turn everyone against me. What should I do to deal with this?
Community AnswerFirst, ask them for the reason they cannot perform the task themselves. And remember, not even they can turn everyone against you. The people who do turn against you are not worth having in your life. Do not let their ultimatums scare you. If you feel absolutely uncomfortable with them, don't hang out with them. It's time for you to find new friends.
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QuestionI never say no to my friends, but when I need their help, they say no as if I've never helped them. They behave like they don't remember what I did for them. Sometimes they're even rude. What do I do?
Community AnswerSit them down and explain how you see the situation. Sometimes people don't recognize relational imbalances on their own, so talking openly and honestly is always a good place to start. You mentioned that you never say no to your friends: actually, that's not necessarily a good thing. Having boundaries and being able to tell people when you don't think you can help them is healthy. Of course, if your friends never say yes, they may simply be using you, in which case you may want to reconsider calling them friends.
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QuestionI have often helped family members in trouble, only to finally be completely ignored. Why does this happen?
Community AnswerAsk yourself what you are expecting in return, and why. Then, be brave and start asking more of them. Start small, like "Would you like to go for a walk with me?" or "Could you help me with ____?" Overcoming the martyr problem involves becoming more assertive and reaching out when you want attention, rather than waiting for it as a reward for your goodness. If you suspect they are using you, it might be time to learn to say no.
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QuestionMy ex and I broke up last year and now she keeps saying I'm a user and threatening to burn the stuff I gave her. What do I do?
Community AnswerLet her. So what if she burns the things you got her? She's just trying to get your attention by saying negative things about you/to you. Don't give it to her. Ignore the comments, etc. You broke up, she's out of your life. It doesn't matter what she says or does.
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QuestionHow can I stop co-workers from bullying me if I hate confrontation and I am not rude or aggressive?
Community AnswerYou have to be firm and assertive. It's ok to say no when what they're requesting is too much. Assertive is not rude, it's just drawing a line and sticking with it.
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QuestionWhat can I do if I cannot stop saying no to my roommates and seniors?
Community AnswerAsk yourself why you can't say no. Remember that the people that you want to be with will still be your friend even if you don't do what they ask of you. If they are asking too much and not returning the favor ever, or very rarely, they are probably not people you want to be around too much.
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QuestionMy friend was cyberbullying me under an alias. How do I deal with this person?
Community AnswerFriends worth having do not do things like this to each other. First, believe you are worth being treated with the utmost respect. Second, let this person know, in a respectful way, that it's not okay to treat you like that. This sets a personal boundary. Surround yourself with people who treat you with respect.
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QuestionWhen a friend wants me to go out with him and I have politely refused, but they keep trying to convince me. How to get out of such a situation?
Community AnswerTell them that you have already given them your answer and don't want to keep being bothered about it. Tell them that you value their friendship, but if they keep trying to push something else on you, you might have to end it.
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QuestionWhat if some people ask you why you said no?
Community AnswerTell them the reason(s). They may be genuinely curious or confused. But don't let yourself be guilt-tripped or coerced into changing your mind: when you tell them no, just stick with it.
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QuestionMy friend is being really mean and ignoring me lately for no reason! What should I do about this?
Community AnswerAsk them why. Confront them!
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QuestionHow do I know if a friend is just using me?
Community AnswerIf your friend is constantly asking you for things (answers to schoolwork, money, rides, etc.), and you feel like you don't get much in return, they could be using you. Also, if you feel like the two of you only ever talk about his/her problems and he/she never asks how you're doing, they could be using you for emotional support, which can be a serious issue as well.
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QuestionOne of my "friends" made me do something to a jerk in my class, but I didn't want to avoid a confrontation, and now they both hate me! Help!
Community AnswerMake sure you use your voice in standing up for yourself. If someone tells you to do something, don't be afraid of saying no. Apologize to the person you hurt & tell your friend they were mean to tell you to do that.
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QuestionHow can I start loving myself and stop taking care of my parents and siblings? None of really care about me and all they do is just take advantage of me in doing their tasks
Community AnswerFamily is a responsibility, so it is difficult to strike a balance. Set some boundaries of what you will and will not do. Especially if one of them is capable of doing something on their own, encourage them to do it.
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QuestionI constantly do things for others (mainly family and friends), and get treated like crap. When I blow up or do less, they treat me even worse. Is this because I am a pushover?
Community AnswerYou decide what your limits are & be clear in saying what you can and cannot do. If they treat you badly, talk to them about how you feel. For example, "I want to help you, but I also need to save money and do things for myself. I can't do everything you'd like me to do."
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QuestionHow do I break up with my partner?
Community AnswerI would start by simply stating that you want to break up. Don't beat around the bush or you will be persuaded to stay. Set clear boundaries and outline your plans on how you will move out/gather belongings,etc. If they begin to yell, you can say "I'll wait until you're calm to talk." Be prepared for your ex partner to break down. They might say very hurtful words or make you feel bad for them. You can apologize for hurting them but do not apologize for your decision.
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QuestionI find that I cannot say no to my church leadership when I am asked to attend church events that are not convenient for me, because I am a single mom. How do I say no?
Community AnswerTell your leader you can't participate because you need the time for you and your child(ren). I'm sure he/she will understand.
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QuestionThe people I'm trying to please are my parents. Saying no to them might mean homelessness. What do I do?
Community AnswerRespecting your parents is important, and not just because a failure to do that could, after a certain age, land you on the street. But work on pleasing your parents because you love them rather than because of a fear of losing their love if you don't. People pleasers are often driven by fear.
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QuestionHow do I respond to a friend who is constantly asking for money?
Community AnswerTell them you have your own expenses and you can't afford to spare anything.
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QuestionHow do I stop being a people pleaser to my family members?
Praymore KugaraCommunity AnswerYou need to realize that you don't owe your family members your right of choice, as much as you appreciate their place in your life. It is not a must for you to agree to everything they say; if they really love you, they will respect your choices. Many people end up doing things for their family because they don't want to be perceived as ingrates or deserters. If your family members are purely manipulative, disregard their (inconsiderate) opinions and do whats best for yourself (which is, in a way, what's best for them, too).
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