How to React to an Ugly Baby

Reviewed by Seth Hall

Last Updated: March 20, 2023 References

Oh no! You've just seen a picture of your friend's new baby, and well, they aren't the cutest baby you've ever seen. Now you have to figure out what to do and say to the new parents. Start by controlling your reaction, and then find something about the baby that you can compliment.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Controlling Your Reaction

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If you think you might say something mean, it may be best just to not say anything at all. Just smile at the baby and the parents and then move the conversation along, if possible.^{[1]
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If you know you're going to see an ugly baby, then prepare yourself ahead of time. Have questions ready to go about the baby. You could ask about milestones, for instance. You could say, "Is she smiling yet?"^{[2]
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One of the best ways to avoid having to make comments about the baby is to ask about the parents. Maintain eye contact with the parents and ask how the mom is feeling, how having a baby has changed their lives, and what they like most about being new parents. Often parents are so used to visitors talking about the baby, a discussion about how they are feeling may be welcomed and a good diversion from having to comment on the child.
If you're not a parent, this step may be more difficult for you. However, just consider how it would make you feel if someone criticized something important to you. If you are a parent, how would you feel if someone called your child ugly? If you can learn to feel a little empathy for the parents, it can help you control what you say.^{[3]
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That is, not everyone is going to find the same babies cute as everyone else. Plus, of course the parents are going to find their own baby adorable; it's at least partially genetic. There's no reason to muddy the waters by pointing out that you don't find the baby cute.^{[4]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Complimenting the Baby

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1
Compliment the baby's expression. One thing you can compliment is the expressions the baby makes. Maybe the baby is especially bubbly or maybe they look very serious and thoughtful. Either way, use that information to compliment the baby.^{[5]
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- For instance, you could say, "Look at that smile! She's just beaming."
2
Pick something cute about the baby. Even if a baby isn't particularly adorable, most babies have something cute about them. It could be their ruddy cheeks, their chunky thighs, or even just the puffed out belly. Find something cute to compliment.^{[6]
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- For instance, you might say, "Look at those adorable rosy cheeks!! I could just eat them up."
3
Compliment the baby's outfit. Another tactic to avoid discussing the baby's looks is just to offer up something nice about the baby's outfit. As a bonus, you're also complimenting whoever picked the outfit out.
- Try something like, "That outfit is just precious! Did you pick it out?"
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Say something nice about the baby's temperament. Another aspect of the baby you could compliment is how happy the or quiet the baby is. Often, that's seen as something praiseworthy, so most of the time, the parents will enjoy this type of compliment.
- Say, "Oh, he's just such a happy baby! Always laughing!"

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What if I think all babies look the same?

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That's okay! They kind of do. Just be polite and pay the baby a compliment in front of its parents like, "What a cute baby!" You could also just opt to compliment the baby's clothes if you want something specific to say, like, "What a cute onesie!" Parents like compliments like this because they probably chose the child's outfit.

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What if the parents think the baby is ugly too?

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You can laugh with the parents, but this behavior should stop as the child grows.

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What should I do to prevent people from commenting on my child's appearance?

Community Answer

Don't comment on it at all yourself. Aside from that, you can't really prevent people from bringing the topic up, but you can quickly redirect the conversation if they do. Simply smile and change the subject. Most people aren't going to flat out call your baby ugly to your face, anyway.

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Tips

Remember how excited the parents are to show you their new baby. Focus on their excitement and the miracle of life instead of whether the baby is cute or not.

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Find other focal points in the room or your surroundings other than the baby’s appearance. If you're at the parent’s home, compliment the nursery or the child’s new clothing or toys.

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Never be rude. The parents may get offended.

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