Am I Being Emotionally Abused?

Answer these questions for guidance on your relationship.

Do you feel controlled by your partner, or does a friend make you feel guilty for hanging out with other friends? If so, they may be being emotionally abusive.

Emotional abuse is a pattern of controlling behavior that leaves you feeling humiliated, isolated, and frightened. This can happen in romantic, parental, and professional relationships, and the effects can cause confusion, fear, and low confidence.

So, how do you know if you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship? Answer these questions honestly about your experiences with this person, and we’ll help guide you in the right direction.

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Questions Overview

1. Do they make you question yourself or your feelings? For example, they laugh when you cry.
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
2. Do they try to control who you talk to and hang out with?
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
3. Are they critical of your appearance? For instance, they make negative comments about your hair, weight, or outfit.
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
4. Do they monitor or control your finances or how you spend money?
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
5. Have they tried to isolate you from family and friends? For example, they tell you not to call or text your parents like you normally would.
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
6. Do they look at your phone or monitor your whereabouts? For instance, they track your location with an app.
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
7. Do they try to purposely embarrass you in public? For example, they make loud, rude comments about what you’re doing in front of people.
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
8. Do they threaten you during arguments? For instance, they claim they’ll leave you or hurt your loved ones.
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
9. Are you blamed for their bad behavior? For example, they say you’re the reason they treat you the way they do.
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
10. Do they refuse to let you be alone? For instance, they won’t let you leave the house or do things without them there.
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
11. Are they constantly ridiculing or teasing you?
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never
12. Do they make you doubt yourself and your abilities? For example, they put down your achievements and make you feel less than.
  1. All the time
  2. Sometimes
  3. Rarely
  4. Never

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What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is when someone tries to isolate, frighten, or control you in a relationship. The relationship can be romantic, paternal, or completely platonic. The abuser will use manipulation tactics to gain control and make you question yourself and your emotions. By gaslighting you, they get the underhand, making you believe you’re dependent on them.

Emotional abuse can be obvious (yelling or calling you names) or subtle (not wanting you to hang out with certain people). The behavior can be easy to brush off at first, but over time, it can wear down your self-esteem and diminish your confidence.

Warning signs of emotional abuse include:

  • Isolating you from loved ones
  • Being demeaning or shaming you
  • Monitoring and controlling how you spend money
  • Being extremely critical of you
  • Threatening your or loved one’s safety
  • Refusing to give you time alone
  • Making their acceptance conditional
  • Putting down your professional or personal goals
  • Blaming you for their behavior
  • Making you doubt yourself

Can emotional abusers become violent? Emotional abuse and physical abuse can occur at the same time, but that’s not always the case. More often than not, emotional abusers rarely resort to violence because they rely on emotional tactics for control. Even so, a situation could escalate.

How do you heal from emotional abuse? Healing from emotional abuse is possible, although it can be a long journey. The best way to heal is to leave the abusive relationship (if possible) and seek guidance and support from a licensed therapist.

If you believe you’re being emotionally abused and are unsure what step to take next, call The Hotline at 1(800) 799-7233 for free support and safety planning.

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