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We’ve all heard (and probably said) “I don’t care” in reply to a question or problem before, but what’s a good way to respond? Whether you need a jokey one-liner for a friend or a serious response to an unmotivated student, we've got you covered. Read on for a handy list of responses to use any time someone tells you "I don't care."

1

“Okay!”

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  1. This works in low-stakes scenarios, like when a friend says they don’t care about which movie to watch or what time to grab dinner. In these cases, someone usually says “I don’t care” in a positive way to suggest they’re open to whatever you have in mind.[1]
    • “Ok cool, let’s plan for 8pm then.”
    • “Sounds good, I’ll let you know what I decide later.”
    • “OK. I prefer rosé over cabernet, so I’ll get that.”
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5

“Why not?”

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  1. If you already suspect the reason—something like peer pressure, insecurity about the subject, or anger—feel free to throw it out there and see how they respond. It helps to know someone’s motivation (or lack thereof) for putting on an aloof facade.
    • “Why don’t you care? Is it because you’re mad at me?”
    • “Is that because none of your friends think it’s cool to care?”
    • “Why’s that? You can tell me if you do care, you know.”
    Daniel Goleman
    Daniel Goleman, Psychologist

    When faced with "I don't care," pause before reacting. There are often deeper emotions behind those three dismissive words — anger, hurt, indifference or more. Rather than responding defensively, name the real feeling to defuse tensions. Ask clarifying questions. Allow them to explain more. With self-awareness and open communication, "I don't care" becomes an opportunity to thoughtfully navigate differences, not escalate them. Look beyond the statement to find the true emotion.

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6

“I care.”

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  1. This works best when you’re talking to someone you’re close to and who values your goals and needs, like a friend, family member, or significant other. Hopefully, they’ll change their tune and respond differently when they see how important something is to you.
    • “This is important to me.”
    • “I really do care about this and I wish you did too.”
    • “This matters to me!”
    • Focus on explaining the way you feel rather than focusing on their behavior. This is a good way to tread lightly in a conversation without offending the other person.[2]
7

“You should care.”

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  1. Be honest and explain how your friend, child, or student will benefit from being more invested or describe the down side of staying aloof. This works great when you want to persuade someone to put more effort into school, work, their health, or something vital to their success.
    • “If you care about getting into college, you should care about this.”
    • “Your health should be important to you. You’ll feel better!”
    • “You need to care about obeying the law or you could end up in jail.”
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8

“Please try to care.”

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9

“You’ll care when you see the results!”

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  1. If a student or child doesn’t care about something now—homework, starting a project early, saving money—giving them an idea of what the future could be like if they cared more now. Use this one jokingly for trivial things or more seriously if someone’s going through a real problem.
    • “You’ll wish you cared more about sunscreen this morning when you see all the burns you’re getting!”
    • “You’ll care about spending time with me once I move away for good!”
    • “You might not care about saving up now, but you’ll be glad you did later!”
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13

“We all have to do things we don’t care about sometimes.”

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  1. No single person can care about everything, so we all eventually face an obligation or task we’re not 100% invested in. Sometimes, you just have to grin and bear it.[3]
    • “It’s just a part of life!”
    • “It’s OK not to care about something you have to do, but you still have to do it.”
    • “It’s the right thing to do, even if you don’t care.”
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14

“Why are you here, then?”

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  1. If they have an answer, then it shows they really do care about some aspect of what they’re doing or who they’re with. Putting a teammate or coworker on the spot like this highlights their hypocrisy (and makes them less likely to say “I don’t care” around you again).
    • “Why did you sign up for tryouts if you don’t care about the results?”
    • “How come you do everything Julie asks if you don’t care if she likes you or not?”
    • “If you don’t care about your grades, why were you up studying all night?”
16

“What if your hero didn’t care?”

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  1. This half-joke, half-philosophical question will get students and young people thinking about the impacts of their actions and attitude. Maybe if they care, they can be the next influencer, celebrity, or grassroots leader to make a difference.
    • “What would happen to the climate if Greta Thunberg didn’t care?”
    • “Where do you think the Bulls would’ve been in the 90s if Michael Jordan didn’t care?”
    • “What if Santa Claus didn’t care? There’d be a lot of kids out there without toys!”
17

“How will you accomplish anything if you don’t care?”

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  1. Caring leads to motivation, which leads to action and results. Ask friends, students, or young people this question to encourage someone to rethink their attitude about something, or to seek out something they truly care about accomplishing.
    • “Do you think colleges are looking for students who don’t care?”
    • “How’re you going to raise all that money if you don’t care about the cause?”
    • “How will you change your exercise habits if you don’t care about getting in shape?”
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18

“That’s weird since you bring it up constantly.”

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21

“Sorry it’s not about something fun.”

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Community Q&A

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  • Question
    I have this ex-friend, who's been toxic for about a year. I told her why she had lost some friends, and all she said was, "Maybe I don't care." Then she told me she'd never cared about me.
    Charlotte Kennedy
    Charlotte Kennedy
    Community Answer
    As they say, "kill them with kindness!" Even if she's being horrible to people, if you really genuinely try to be nice to her, maybe she'll see that she messed up. If she doesn't, then try to avoid talking with her. It can really affect your mood if you talk to a mean person. Act happy around her, and she might realize you're better without her. Whatever you choose to do, don't bottle up negative feelings. Write out how you feel, then tear up the piece of paper. Let the past be the past.
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  • If someone constantly says they don’t care about anything, especially when they used to, it may be a sign of depression or another mental health struggle. A loss of interest in daily activities, low energy, and feelings of helplessness or hopelessness means it’s time to have a discussion about mental health or visit a therapist or medical professional.[5]
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About This Article

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Co-authored by:
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
This article was co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt and by wikiHow staff writer, Dan Hickey. Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP). This article has been viewed 99,445 times.
39 votes - 73%
Co-authors: 7
Updated: June 21, 2024
Views: 99,445
Categories: Verbal Self Defense
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 99,445 times.

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