This article was co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.
There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Jealousy in a relationship is totally normal, but it’s still a really painful experience—especially when it’s directed at your partner’s ex. Looking at the ex’s photos and life updates can make you forget what an amazing, talented person you are. Remember, your partner chose to be with you for a reason! Fortunately, we can help you let go of your jealousy so you can just enjoy your relationship. Keep reading for a list of ways you can stop being jealous of your partner’s ex.
Steps
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I be OK with my partner being friends with his ex?Raffi Bilek, LCSW-CRaffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.
Licensed Clinical Social WorkerCheck-in with yourself regularly. Is there an objective reason for you to be concerned here? Is there something going on, or are you sort of suspicious about something else? If your worries are more internally-driven, consider being upfront with your partner about how you're feeling. You could say "Hey, you know what? I feel this way. I don't want to feel this way. I have no reason to suspect you're doing anything wrong, but this is where I'm coming from." -
QuestionIs it OK to ask your partner to stop talking to their ex?Raffi Bilek, LCSW-CRaffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.
Licensed Clinical Social WorkerIt depends on the situation—have they been friends for a long time since breaking up, or did they just recently reconnect? Are they co-parenting a child together? Whatever the circumstances, you have a right to your feelings and you can share them with your partner. First, have a conversation about how you both feel, and then from there you'll be in a better position to decide what course of action to take.
Video
Tips
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Tell your partner if they’re doing something to trigger your jealousy, such as liking their ex’s photos. Ask them to stop.Thanks
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Building up your self-confidence will help you stop feeling jealous in your relationship. Focus on what’s amazing about you!Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201710/4-relationship-sabotaging-beliefs-about-your-partner-s-ex
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2056305118800317
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/retroactive-jealousy-vs-regular-jealousy-in-a-relationship#3
- ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/raise-low-self-esteem/
- ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-deal-with-jealousy/
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/talking-through-problems
- ↑ https://www.psychologies.co.uk/love/jealous-of-your-partners-past.html
- ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/what-your-jealous-feelings-are-telling-you-what-you-should-ncna1002411
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201804/getting-past-the-past-jealousy
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201804/getting-past-the-past-jealousy
- ↑ https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/5-benefits-of-healthy-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201804/getting-past-the-past-jealousy
- ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
- ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/jealousy