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When you love someone with low self-esteem, you want to help them recognize the wonderful qualities you see in them. Although healing from low self-esteem is personal for your partner, you can still support them through their journey. With care, patience, and authenticity, you can help your partner start to feel better. Read on for the best tips for supporting someone with low self-esteem.

Things You Should Know

  • Compliment and share your positive memories of your partner. Your perspective can help change theirs for the better.
  • Try doing activities together, like volunteering or spending time outdoors. Let your partner know you enjoy being around them through your actions.
  • Be careful not to shy away from uncomfortable conversations or ignore your own boundaries. Keep your relationship healthy with open communication.
1

Give genuine compliments.

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  1. Low self-esteem goes hand-in-hand with self-doubt. Complimenting your partner can do more than just put a smile on their face. Specific praise will not only help with their confidence, but also show how much you care for noticing those details.[1]
    • Limit appearance-based compliments. While saying “You look nice today” can offer a short-term confidence boost, only complimenting a person’s appearance can feel shallow.
    • Compliments can sometimes be difficult to accept. Suddenly heaping on praise can feel overwhelming and inauthentic, especially if your partner is not used to that. Keep your partner’s comfort in mind as you offer compliments.
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2

Point out their positive characteristics.

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  1. Low self-esteem can cause your partner to view themself as all bad, awkward, or embarrassing. As their partner, however, you can point out their positive characteristics and what makes them lovable to you.[2]
    • If your partner feels they always mess things up, you can share times where they’ve helped you or others.
    • Your partner may feel people dislike them after a social interaction, and you know this is not the case. Share your own experience of the event to help shift your partner’s perspective to a more positive outlook.
3

Let them know you value them.

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6

Volunteer together.

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  1. By working with a group to do some collective good, your partner will be able to get outside of their head and focus on a noble task. Plus, volunteering can be social and a lot of fun, which will put a damper on feelings of isolation.[6]
    • Try your hand at the soup kitchen or building houses for underprivileged families. Even if the two of you aren’t particularly handy, you will learn helpful DIY skills while serving your community.
    • Animal lovers can check with their local shelter for volunteer opportunities. Many shelters could use help walking dogs, fostering pets, or manning booths at adoption events.
    • Tech savvy? Volunteer to help the elderly learn new computer skills.
7

Validate your partner’s feelings.

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  1. While you may think a comment like “It could be worse” will stop your partner from dwelling on the negative, you may unintentionally signal a lack of care. If your partner comes to you with a concern, acknowledge their feelings and offer your support.[7]
    • Sometimes the care they need may not involve words. They may just want a shoulder to lean on, a kind ear, and maybe a little commiseration.
    • Similarly, try to resist fixing your partner’s problem. Although you may think of some helpful solutions, hold off on making assumptions before you know the scope of your partner’s needs. In fact, they might already have a solution and are just looking to vent.
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10

Set boundaries.

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  1. Although you can be a big help, you will not be able to heal your partner’s low self-esteem on your own. Plus, you may have your own concerns that need addressing. Don’t be afraid to set healthy boundaries. Speaking up for yourself will be good for both of you.[9]
    • Let your partner know when you need to spend time alone or with other friends.
    • Encourage your partner to get professional help.
    • You can support your partner, but you must also recognize that there's only so much that you can do for them. Know your limits and your boundaries.

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About This Article

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Co-authored by:
Psychotherapist
This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Krysten Jackson. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 26,010 times.
2 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: August 20, 2024
Views: 26,010
Categories: Self Esteem

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 26,010 times.

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