How to Talk to Children (With Fun Conversation Starters)

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Interact confidently with kids of all ages with our guide

Co-authored by Julie Wright, MFT and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: January 8, 2025 Fact Checked

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Top Advice for Talking to Children

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Questions to Ask Kids

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Discussing Sensitive Topics

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Teaching Conversation Skills

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

Even though they’re younger than you, children love to talk and have a ton of interesting things to say. Whether you’re chatting to a toddler or a grade-schooler, having good conversations with kids can help build their confidence and make them feel respected. Keep reading for the basics of talking to kids and starting conversations with them. We also spoke to parenting specialists Kylee Money and Wits End Parenting for how to handle sensitive topics and teach kids conversation skills.

Best Ways to Talk to Children at a Glance

Get down to their eye level and ask them an open-ended question about their interests.
Listen to what they have to say and ask follow-up questions to guide the conversation.
Give them your full attention and treat them respectfully so you can build a trusting connection.

Section 1 of 4:

Top Advice for Talking to Children

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Sit or kneel at their level. Grab a seat or take a knee near the child so they don’t have to look up at you. Even if you’re keeping things light and friendly, a child might feel intimidated if you’re towering over them so getting down to their eye level can help take the edge off your conversation.^{[1]
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- Younger children appreciate when you maintain eye contact while you’re chatting, but older kids and preteens may be more uncomfortable with it.
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Ask open-ended questions about their interests. Try to think of questions that need a longer answer than a simple “yes” or “no.” Try to relate the question to what they’re doing or what they’re currently interested in, like their favorite school subject, their friends, their favorite movies or shows, or their toys.^{[2]
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- Example: Rather than asking “Did you have a good day at school?” you could reframe it as the open-ended question, “What was your favorite part of school today?”
- If you have any similar interests, be sure to bring them up. For example, if you both collect Pokémon cards, talk about your collections or your favorite Pokémon.
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Take the conversation seriously. No matter what age they are, treat your child like any other person that you’d have a conversation with. As Money explains, “The biggest thing is not to laugh. When they ask questions, it's tempting to laugh because kids are cute, but a lot of kids can internalize that as I shouldn't have asked that.”
- Avoid tapping your food or looking impatient while children are speaking because it can make them feel like the conversation isn’t important.^{[3]
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Listen to them without interrupting. Let the child finish their thought, no matter how long it takes them to get there. Give them your full attention and actively listen to them by smiling and nodding along to what they’re saying. Kids really love when you let them talk about something they love.^{[4]
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- Repeat back what they’re saying to show children that you’re engaged and care about the conversation.
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Keep the conversation going with follow-up questions. Kids love to gush about what they’re currently into, so keep asking questions about the same topic. Try to dig deeper to learn more about the child you’re chatting with. As a plus, asking for more details helps children develop more critical thinking and communication skills.^{[5]
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- Example: If a child is talking about a science project they did, ask if they had any other favorite projects in the class.
- Example: If a kid has been talking about their favorite TV show, ask them which character they would want to be and why.
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Let kids guide the topic. Some children are resistant when you try to bring up a topic they’re not interested in, or they may feel a little shy. Go with the flow of the conversation when a kid changes topics randomly. If they don’t seem like they want to talk, just give them a little time and space so they can feel more comfortable around you.^{[6]
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- If a kid really isn’t speaking up, try to ask questions about something the kid is interested in or what’s happening close by. If you’re outside, you could say something like, “I think that cloud looks like a dog with its tongue out. What do you think it looks like?”
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Give them a compliment. Telling a child something that you like about them will do wonders to boost their self-esteem and confidence, so show them some appreciation. Give a genuine and specific compliment about something they’re doing well so the conversation stays positive.^{[7]
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- Example: If a child chats about being a dancer and shows you a couple moves, you could say, “You did a really great job dancing to the beat!” or “Those were so good, I can’t wait to watch you perform them!”
- Example: If a child is painting a picture, you could say, “I really love the colors that you chose for this one,” or “I can’t wait to put this on my fridge so I smile every time I see it!”
- Stay away from generic compliments, like “I like your shirt,” or “That drawing is cool,” because they don’t sound very genuine.
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Show genuine enthusiasm for the conversation. When children are talking, be sure to smile and keep eye contact with them so they know you’re engaged. Let them know that you find the conversation interesting by nodding along, smiling, and telling them that you’re so happy you get to chat with them. Kids may close up if you act disinterested or impatient, so be sure to show them your excitement.^{[8]
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- Try to remember details between conversations so you can pick up where you left off the next time you see each other. Kids will appreciate that you remembered them and feel a stronger connection.
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Read cues from their body language. Kids may try to hide true emotions when you’re talking to them, but their body language is usually pretty telling. If they say everything is fine or that they’re good but they’re breaking eye contact, crossing their arms, or looking away, there may be more to the story.^{[9]
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- Example: If a child says they had a good day at school but they’re frowning and don’t look you in the eye, you may assume that something is still bringing their mood down.
- Give kids a little time to open up, and let them know that you won’t judge them if they need to talk. If you show a child that you’re safe and trustworthy, then they’re more likely to open up.
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Chat about yourself a little bit. While you should let kids do most of the talking, don’t be afraid to chime in with your own experiences and interests too. If you have a funny story or memory that’s related to the conversation, open up and tell them. Children will be excited how your experiences were compared to theirs, and it will help you build a better connection.
- Example: If the child has talked about going to a summer camp, you could tell a story about something that happened when you were a kid at summer camp.
- Example: If a kid really likes baseball, you could share a memory of going to a baseball game with your family and catching a foul ball.
If a child is misbehaving, Money explains, “you need to be calm, not loud” no matter how upset you are. She mentions that “the very first thing you do is you get down on their level, and have some sort of physical touch, whether that's a hand on the hip or a hand on the shoulder.” That way, your child understands that you’re being serious with them.

Section 2 of 4:

Icebreaker Questions to Ask Kids

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For younger kids Younger kids have a big imagination, but they also love talking about the world around them. Keep the conversation topics fun but simple.
- What’s your favorite thing to do outside?
- What do you like most about your best friend?
- If you could be any animal, what would you be?
- What’s the funniest thing that you’ve ever done?
- What do you like most about your family?
- What’s your favorite movie and why?
- What was the most fun you had in school today?
- Where’s the most exciting place you’ve ever been?
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
- What would you use to make a perfect ice cream sundae?
- Can you tell me about your imaginary friend?
- What would you do if you were a grown-up for a day?
- What’s your favorite song to dance around to?
- What is the best food you’ve ever had?
- What do you love to do when you’re with your friends?
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For older kids Older kids have a little bit more experience with the world, and they may want more engaging and interesting conversation topics.
- What is the most important quality to look for in a friend?
- What has challenged you the most and how did you get past it?
- What goals do you want to achieve this year?
- If you could trade places with someone for a day, who would it be and why?
- How would you describe yourself to someone who hasn’t met you?
- What are you really good at and what do you still want to improve?
- What helps pull you out of a bad mood right away?
- What is the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
- If you could have one wish come true, what would it be?
- What do you want to do once you graduate school?
- What does your perfect day look like?
- What’s the nicest thing that someone has done for you?
- Who do you think is your biggest role model?
- What do you like the most about yourself?
- What’s one of your earliest memories?

Section 3 of 4:

How to Talk about Sensitive Topics with Children

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1
Ask your child what they already know. If children are talking about serious or sensitive topics, such as sex or world events, sit down with them and find out what they know about the subject. Let them explain their understanding so you can get an idea of what details to discuss with them.^{[10]
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Reassure that it’s safe to ask questions. Money explains, “the bottom line for any uncomfortable topic with children is to reassure them that you are safe and you're loved.” She says to let your children know that it’s okay to ask questions no matter the topics and that there won’t be any consequences for it.
- When your child asks you a question, say something like, “That’s a great question,” or “I’m so glad you asked” to show that you’re open and receptive to new questions.
- Some kids still may feel a little shy or awkward to open up, so ask if they have any questions to give them a chance to speak up.
- Even if you don’t have an answer to the question, let them know that you appreciate them asking. Say something like, “I don’t know the answer, but I’ll look into it so we can chat.”
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Give a straightforward answer that’s age appropriate. Money continues, “Children are ready to talk about these things at almost every age, it's just a matter of how much detail you reveal. It is not the topic itself that should be off limits or taboo. It's how much information and how much detail you're willing to get into at a given age.”
- If your child is wondering about sex or where babies come from, it’s best to be honest and open with them at a young age.
  - Toddlers: Explain that boys and girls have different bodies using the correct anatomical terms, and tell them it’s okay to say no if someone else tries touching you.
  - Preschoolers: Tell them the basics, like “When a sperm and egg combine, they can grow into a baby.”
  - Elementary schoolers: Start to explain how sex happens like, “If two grown-ups have sex, sperm goes into the uterus and looks for an egg. If the sperm and egg meet, then a baby will grow.”
  - Pre-teens: Start to explain puberty and how their body is changing. Explain that sex is what adults do when they’re romantic or in relationships and it could lead to having a baby. Also talk to them about how consent is important before having sex.
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Use positive and encouraging language. Parenting specialists at Wits End Parenting agree that talking in a positive way helps kids feel more secure rather than getting embarrassed. Give your children praise when they’re curious and tell them behaviors you want them to instead of using negative language. Reframing how you talk to kids can help them get a boost of self-confidence.
- Example: Say something encouraging like, “I’m proud of you for sharing your toys” instead of saying “You shouldn’t be selfish.”
- Example: If your child asks about a topic like masturbation, you could explain that it does make your body feel good, but it’s something to do on your own when you have privacy.
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Allow your child to form their own thoughts and decisions. Wits End Parenting explains, “you want to really be careful when you're going into conversations” with how you feel about the topic. If you’re feeling embarrassed or ashamed around the conversation, then your children may feel the same way if you react negatively when you bring it up. They recommend being really conscious not to bring that to your child.
- Frame your beliefs and experiences around these topics as your own opinions rather than trying to push something on your kids. For example, if your kids ask why you go to church, they’ll be more receptive if you explain the reasons and benefits rather than forcing them to go.
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Continue conversations when your kids are older. Kids will continue having questions as they grow up and start to understand the world around them better. As they get older, be there to answer their questions in more detail so they feel like they can be open and honest with you.^{[11]
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Section 4 of 4:

Teaching Kids to Have a Good Conversation

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Model good conversations in front of children. When you’re around kids, try to speak in the same way you want them to speak. Explain how you’re feeling so they get better at naming emotions, use proper manners with other people, and show interest in conversations. When your child watches you, they’ll follow in your footsteps and be better at conversations.^{[12]
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- Instead of screen time, have conversations at the dinner table about your days and how you’re feeling. Encourage your children to speak up and express themselves so they have regular practice.
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Give your children examples of what to say. If your kids are a little shy or don’t feel comfortable starting conversations on their own, Money recommends giving them “one or two sentences to say to children on the playground.” Something simple like, “Hi, my name is Max, what's your name?” or “I brought my doll, would you like to play with me?” She says that this “helps them to feel like they can go up and talk to somebody so they can initiate that friendship.”
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Remind your child to be respectful if they act rude. Children may not always understand what’s appropriate to say in a conversation, so give them a gentle reminder of how you want them to behave. If your child continues the behavior, then it may be time for a consequence, such as taking away screen time or stopping an activity early.^{[13]
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- Example: If your child says something that’s hurtful, you could say something like, “Remember that we want to use kind words around other people. Can you apologize?”
- Example: If your child interrupts you, you could say, “I love how excited you are, but please wait until I’m done before talking.”
- Point out when your child has a respectful conversation so they continue communicating that way. For example, you could say something like, “It was so nice that you waited until I was done talking before you asked a question,” or, “Good job saying please and thank you today.”

Expert Q&A

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What kinds of things do older kids like to talk about?

Julie Wright, MFT
Parenting & Baby Sleep Specialist
Julie Wright is a Marriage and Family Therapist and the co-founder of The Happy Sleeper, which offers sleep consulting and online baby sleep classes. Julie is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in babies, children, and their parents, and the co-author of two best selling parenting books (The Happy Sleeper and Now Say This) published by Penguin Random House. She created the popular Wright Mommy, Daddy and Me program in Los Angeles, California, which provides support and learning for new parents. Julie's work has been mentioned in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and NPR. Julie received her training at the Cedars Sinai Early Childhood Center.

Julie Wright, MFT

Parenting & Baby Sleep Specialist

Expert Answer

Older children like to talk about many different things. Try talking about your days. That could include what you did that day or even what you're going to do the next day.

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Tips

Try setting aside some time for conversation each day, especially if you have a child at home. This is a great way to bond and connect with your young one, and gives them a healthy place to share their thoughts and feelings.

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