How to Tell if Your Best Friend Loves You

Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW

Last Updated: October 16, 2024 Approved

There might come a time in your friendship when you start to wonder whether your best friend wants to be more than friends. If this happens, be on the lookout for signs that can help you determine whether they're becoming romantically interested in you, or if your relationship will stay as friends.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Noticing Changes in Their Behavior

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1
Compare how they treat you. When you two are spending time with your mutual friends, see if they treat you differently than how they treat other people they are friends with. They may be more affectionate with you, try to talk more to you, or make comments about your relationship.
- When your best friend treats you the same as any of their other friends, it's unlikely that they're interested in you romantically. A friend that treats you like they treated their exes may be interested.
- This can help you determine whether they are just being their normal friendly selves or if they are interested romantically in you.
2
Notice when you're spending more time together. Naturally, you're going to spend time with your best friend. However, ask yourself whether the things that you do together seem like dates. For example, do you go out to dinner and a movie? If so, is it usually just the two of you?^{[1]
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- When someone starts to become interested in someone romantically, they'll want to spend more and more time with them. If you notice that the two of you are spending way more time together than you normally do, and that those hangouts start to feel like potential dates, they may be interested in you.
- You should also notice if they start to tell you how much they enjoy spending time with you one on one. This might be a way for them to try and tell you that they're looking for something more than just friendship.
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3
Listen to how they speak. Listen to how they speak about you to other people and how they speak when they are talking to you. When people are attracted to someone, they may speak in a special tone of voice reserved for that special someone. They may also be a little nervous around you and blush.
- Pay attention to how much they laugh at your jokes or things that you do. If they laugh more frequently than usual, it might be because they like you.
- Friends aren't awkward with one another, so if you start noticing that they seem shy and bashful about certain topics, it could be a sign that they're interested in you. For example, they may become shy when you bring up school dances or dates that you've been on.
4
Listen to what they say. They may be trying to tell you how they feel in a subtle way. They may try to bring up romantic subjects or ask whether you are interested in someone right now. They may also try to deepen your connection by asking you very deep questions about your life, dreams, goals, and desires.
- Since this is your best friend, they probably pay attention to what you say already. But, you may notice that they start to remember small details about your life that they would otherwise forget, like when you have a test or a special appointment. They might show you that they remember these things by wishing you luck or commenting when the day is here.
5
Look for flirtatious behavior. Flirting can signal that they are attracted to you, or it could mean that they are a naturally flirtatious person. You'll need to distinguish what their flirting means, but you have the benefit of knowing their personality already. Look for signs of flirting like:^{[2]
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- They compliment you frequently.
- They smile and gaze at you when they talk about you.^{[3]
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- They touch their hair or face when speaking to you.
- They laugh at all your jokes, even when they aren't that funny.
- They gently tease you or playfully poke fun at you.
6
Look at how they present themselves. You may notice that they start to pay more attention to their appearance when they know they are spending time with you. For instance, they may wear nicer clothes or clothing that they know that you like or wear makeup and do their hair. When someone is attracted to someone, they often try to present their best selves.^{[4]
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- If you start to notice that they consistently seem to be spending more time on their appearance when the two of you are together, they may be interested in you.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I in Love with My Best Friend?

Are you starting to wonder whether your feelings for your best friend are strictly platonic? Maybe you think about them all the time or get butterflies in your stomach when they’re around; either way, it feels like there’s something more to your relationship with them. If you’re ready to figure out how you feel about your bestie (and how to deal with those feelings), take our quiz below.

1 of 12

Do you try to look nice when you know you’ll be seeing your bestie?

Yes, definitely. I feel a strong need to present my best self to them, so I do my hair, makeup, everything.

Sometimes. I don't go all out, but I wouldn't see my BFF wearing sweats or something.

Maybe? I hadn't thought about it before, so I'm not actually sure.

Of course not! The whole point of a best friend is that they accept you no matter how you look.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Looking at Their Body Language

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1
Look for body language cues for attraction. When people are attracted to someone, they often display this attraction through their body language. There are a number of different body language cues for attraction, and when you notice your best friend displaying them consistently it can signal that they're attracted to you. Look for signs like:^{[5]
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- They maintain eye contact and gaze at you.
- They smile subconsciously while they're talking about you.
- They try to be physically close to you by initiating physical contact.
- When you talk, their feet are pointed towards you.
- They mirror your body language when you two are speaking.
- They touch their hair and face while you're talking.^{[6]
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2
Notice increased physical contact. When someone is interested in you, they will try to initiate physical contact more frequently. The two of you might go from not hugging frequently to hugging every time you see each other.
- The type of physical contact that you have may start to be different as well. Rather than punching you on the arm affectionately, they may initiate a hug. Or, they may start to touch your knee or your arm.
3
Notice when they initiate physical contact. Physical contact between friends is normal and healthy, but you may start to notice that they are initiating contact much more frequently than they normally do. They may try to be physically affectionate by hugging you, putting their arm around your shoulder, or touching your hand.^{[7]
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- They may try to “accidentally” brush against you when the two of you are close. This could mean that they are nervous to initiate other kinds of physical contact, like a hug, but they want to be near to you.
- If you feel uncomfortable with the amount of physical contact, you should let them know in a gentle and kind way.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Assessing Your Relationship

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1
Determine how you feel. Are you romantically interested in your best friend? Ask yourself whether you would be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with this person if they did like you. How you feel about them as a romantic partner will influence your reactions towards their behavior.
- If you are interested in them romantically, try to be honest with them about how you are feeling. If the signs are there, they might be interested in you as well. You could try to hint that you have a crush on someone to see how they react, or ask them if they are interested in anyone.
- For example, you could say "Jen, I've been thinking about our friendship a lot, and I think we could be really great together as more than friends."
2
Look at how you're acting. You may be giving them signals that you are interested in them without you realizing it. For example, you could be flirting with them, being more physically affectionate, or opening up more to them emotionally. If you are not interested in your friend as a romantic partner, you should try to stop these overly affectionate behaviors, since they could be giving them mixed signals.
- If you are interested in them, you can continue giving them signs that you are interested.
3
Talk to your friends. You may still be confused about whether your best friend really does like you in a romantic way. You can talk to a close friend to ask their opinion and to see whether they know if your friend has a crush on anyone.
- Do this carefully, you don't want word to get back to your best friend that you're talking about them behind their back. Only talk to friends that you really trust and who have a good perspective on the situation.
- You could also casually talk to one of their friends to see if they know whether your best friend is interested in someone. You could say something like, "Hey, I noticed that Zach hasn't been talking about Caroline anymore. Do you know if he's interested in someone new?"
4
Talk to them. If you're still not sure, just ask. This is the only reliable way to figure out if they are interested in you romantically, but it can come with some risks. For one, the person might not want to jeopardize the friendship, and so will feel uncomfortable telling you.
- Be sure you want the relationship to move onto a romance before asking. If you don't, it's better to just avoid the question and let the feelings slowly pass. If the best friend suddenly makes a move or comes out and tells you, then you can address it.
- If you want to ask, say something like, "I don't want to weird you out, but I've noticed things changing a little between us lately, and wondered if it's because our relationship has shifted a little bit." This will give them an opportunity to share their feelings.
- Reader Poll: We asked 527 wikiHow readers who've asked their friend on a date, and 54% of them agreed that the best way to do so is by asking them on a casual date and seeing where things go from there. [Take Poll] If you think your friend likes you and you like them back, why not go for it?
5
Approach the topic carefully. If your friend doesn't open up, or says something dismissive like, "No way, what, are you crazy? We're friends, that's all", you should let it go. You can diffuse the situation by saying something like, "Hey, no problem, I was just curious. It's cool, either way."
- If your friend is scared to tell you, or is wrestling with their feelings, it may take some time for them to come clean about it to you. Be patient and compassionate, and don't pressure your friend.
6
Tell them how much you value their friendship. Let them know that your friendship is important to you and that you care about them as a person. Whether you and your best friend end up together or not, your friendship is special and you don't want to lose them.
- If they are interested in you romantically, and you don't share the same feelings for them, they may need to take a break from your friendship. This will hurt, but they need time to process their own feelings and move on.
- Tell them that you do care about your relationship by saying, "Ben, your friendship means a lot to me. You're a great friend and I'm glad that I have you in my life. I don't have romantic feelings for you, but I hope that we can still be best friends."
EXPERT TIP

Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor
Alicia Oglesby is an Academic Counseling Expert based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She is currently pursuing a PhD in Education at the University of Pittsburgh and working as a Graduate Research Assistant. She was previously employed as the Associate Director of College Counseling at the Winchester Thurston School. Prior to that, she worked as a Director of School and College Counseling at 4 other secondary schools. With over twelve years of experience in academic counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College.

Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor

Address romantic interest with kindness. If a friend likes you romantically but you only see them platonically, address this kindly but clearly. Note their positive qualities while conveying your feelings honestly. Explain why you value their friendship but don’t share romantic feelings so you both feel comfortable moving forward.

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Question

My best friend said he was incapable of having feelings but he now tells me he loves me! Is this a joke?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You should never assume that "I love you" is a joke. Sometimes when people can start out as just good friends, it is easier to glide into love. Nervousness and self-consciousness can get in the way of a dating relationship.

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Question

What do I do if I like my best friend and he sometimes flirts with me?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

It sounds like it could be useful to talk about it. Friends sometimes just flirt, and at other times it means a lot more. There is no way around bringing it into the open with a question or statement.

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If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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Tips

Be yourself. Don't act differently around them if you like them. If they like you, they like you for who you are and you don't need to change for them.

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Be yourself and enjoy their company.

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Try to communicate with your friend more than only talking on Facebook or texting each other.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

My best friend and I loved each other for 3 years before either of us said anything. And we felt a lot better after we did. Assess the situation. Sometimes being direct is the best approach.
Try to play into their personality. If they have a good sense of humor, crack a few jokes. They’re a romantic? Start with a “what if” and spin a little tale.
Don't stress about your interactions with them. Let it flow naturally.

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Warnings

Don't discuss this where others can hear you. Your feelings and the things you say to each other are private and should be held in confidence, no matter what they are. Whether you decide to remain just friends or explore a deeper relationship, this is a decision the two of you should make together.

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