6 Common Triggers for Empaths

Co-authored by Leslie Bosch, PhD and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: October 25, 2022 References

Do you feel things deeply, especially the emotions of other people—maybe even identifying as an "empath"? If you're an empath, a conversation, an energy shift, or an experience might leave you feeling triggered, so how can you cope? Luckily, it's easier than you'd think. Mindfulness and boundary setting can help you feel unburdened and less exhausted, which is how you deserve to feel. To learn psychology-backed tips to feel less triggered as an empath, read our complete guide below.

Things You Should Know

Empaths experience intense feelings and are also deeply influenced by others' feelings, sometimes even taking those feelings on as their own.
Triggers can include exposure to suffering, tragic events, deep intimacy, feeling helpless, and not feeling taken seriously.
To cope, set boundaries, practice mindfulness, and surround yourself with supportive, like-minded people.

Section 1 of 3:

What is an empath?

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An "empath" is a person with very high levels of empathy. Though the term isn't used in clinical or research settings, empathy exists on a spectrum. "Empath" is a term coined for people far to one end of that spectrum. These people experience intense feelings and struggle with carrying the burden of others' feelings as well. Wondering if you're an "empath"? Here are their common traits:^{[1]
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- Extremely sensitive: empaths might feel offended easily.
- '"Affected by someone's behavior:'" empaths often take on the behaviors from other people.
- Affected by others' emotions: empaths care so much about other people, that they can't help but to feel the weight of others' struggles.
- Intuitive: empaths are keyed into their others' feelings, so they notice shifts in energy that others might not.
- Easily overwhelmed: because empaths feel emotions so deeply, strong negative (or positive!) interactions leave them feeling overloaded.
- Always giving: an empath cares a ton for other people, so they're always doing their best to lend a helping hand.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I a Narcissist or an Empath?

Empath, narcissist, or somewhere in between? If you’re wondering where you rank, you’ve come to the right place. This quiz is fine-tuned to help you know yourself better and increase your self-awareness. So whether you’re a super empathetic softie or you’re all about yourself, you’ll know in a matter of minutes. Take our quiz to discover more!

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Your friend calls to say that they lost their job today. You feel:

Completely devastated. That must be awful for them.

You feel sad, but you’re able to keep it from ruining your day.

You might be a little bummed out, but you bounce back quickly.

Secretly glad, since you now feel superior to her in terms of employment.

Section 2 of 3:

Common Triggers for Empaths

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1
Someone's pain and suffering can trigger an empath. Because empaths carry the weight of others’ emotions, if someone in their circle is hurting, an empath might feel deeply affected. They might notice a friend's shift in energy when they're hanging out; if an empath knows someone is struggling, they might feel triggered, even from afar. An empath might feel overwhelmed by:^{[2]
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- A friend who seems quiet or not quite like themselves. Even if this friend hasn't said anything wrong, an empath might sense their pain.
- A major sad event in someone’s life. If an empath learns that their brother lost a job, an empath might feel extremely sad for them.
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When people take advantage of an empath, it can leave them feeling drained. When an empath's circle realizes how much the empath cares, they may use this to their own benefit. Instead of putting the empath's wellbeing first, they might consider this person a never-ending resource—one that provides comfort, favors, and kindness. This can leave the empath feeling used.^{[3]
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- People might assume that this friend is always willing to help, even when it’s inconvenient for the empath.
- Someone may vent for hours about a problem without asking about the empath’s life and feelings.
- Oftentimes, empaths have trouble setting boundaries. But if they do manage to, a selfish person might not take those boundaries seriously.
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When an empath can't help someone else, they may feel helpless. Empaths get used to stepping in when someone needs help; they might start treating others' problems like their own. If an empath feels like they can’t solve another person's problem or comfort them when they’re struggling with negative emotions, they might feel extremely frustrated and drained.^{[4]
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- If a friend asks an empath for comfort, but at the end of the conversation they still seem upset, the empath might feel like a failure.
- If someone in an empath's circle is looking for a job, and the empath tries to help (but nothing works), they may feel triggered.
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Empaths feel intense feelings, so excess intimacy can overwhelm them. Empaths love connection and positive interactions. But if they experience too much, they could feel overloaded. The reason for this? Empaths feel things intensely; too much love might produce more than just warm, fuzzy feelings—it may leave them feeling burned.^{[5]
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- Spending the entire day with their partner might leave an empath feeling frustrated.
- Constant touching (hugs, cuddles, etc.) might be too much for an empath.
- If someone constantly engages an empath in emotional intimacy (maybe with deep, heartfelt conversations) this could leave the empath feeling overwhelmed
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When an empath's feelings aren't taken seriously, this could upset them. Empaths go through their lives feeling the burden of others’ emotions. This can be tough to bear, so when friends and family members don’t try to understand this struggle, it can leave them feeling frustrated and hurt. Here are some phrases that might leave an empath feeling triggered:^{[6]
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- “It’s not that big of a deal, don’t worry.”
- “It’s not your problem, just stop thinking about it.”
- “I don’t get why you feel upset about that, it’s not your issue.”
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Sad or tragic content can leave an empath feeling burdened for days at a time. When most of us read or watch something upsetting in the world news, we feel pained, but then we move on. But empaths may feel an intense sadness over people and things that are unrelated to their own life. For this reason, empaths have to be careful about the kinds of media they consume.^{[7]
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Cleveland Clinic
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- News and world events can feel upsetting
- Documentaries on sad historical events
- A story about someone the empath doesn't actually know themselves can also be an emotional trigger

Section 3 of 3:

How to Cope

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1
Set boundaries with your circle and stick to them. Boundary setting is a powerful tool in your arsenal—it’s a way to tell friends what you can and can’t do. If you struggle with this, remember that you’re no help to anyone when you’re feeling burned out. Plus, boundaries show you care about a relationship—they allow you to spend time with people in a sustainable way. Try this:^{[8]
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- If there’s a pattern in your relationship that threatens your inner peace, make note of it.
- Clearly explain your boundary to this person: “I can accept this behavior. I’m setting a boundary—you can’t keep lying to me.”
- Finally, enforce the boundary: “I asked you not to lie anymore, and you’re falling into the same patterns. This isn’t okay. I need time away.”
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Practice mindfulness and pay attention to your feelings. As an empath, it’s easy to keep giving and giving without thinking things through. If you pay attention to your feelings throughout the day, it'll be easier to recognize your triggers. Mindfulness (the ability to focus one's awareness on the present moment) is a skill you can develop over time. To practice, try this:^{[9]
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Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

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- Meditate. Meditation can teach you to observe and control your thoughts and feelings. To get started for free, try insight timer.
- Take deep breaths. Breathwork can teach you to be more present in the current moment.
- Therapy. Talk through your patterns with a professional, and you'll notice them more easily in the future. Try BetterHelp.
- Journal about your feelings throughout the day. Make a note when you feel drained, stressed, grateful, or relaxed.
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Spend time with people who make you feel great. It might sound easier said than done. But by taking time to reflect after you leave someone's company, you can surround yourself with positive friends. This way, your relationships can leave you feel grounded, not frustrated. Plus, positive relationships help you become more resilient (and less affected by triggers). Try these tips:^{[10]
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Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

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- If someone makes you feel awesome, spend more time with them. Even better, let them know how you feel. That way, you’re strengthening a healthy relationship!
- Think deeply about toxic relationships from your past. In the future, these observations can help you spot other harmful relationships.
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Spend time alone. Empaths might feel guilty about the idea of hanging solo, like they should always be doing something for someone else. But the truth is, when you protect your time, you’re recharging your energy levels and becoming a better you! So not only will your relationships benefit, but you’ll feel happier and less triggered, too. Spend time doing:^{[11]
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- Things that leave you feeling relaxed and at peace (like yoga, walking, or playing games)
- Things that you’re passionate about (like art, DIY projects, or learning new skills)
- Nothing! Trust that by spending time alone, you’re already achieving something worthwhile.
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Be kind to yourself every day. Empaths might feel guilty and ashamed when they set boundaries or spend time alone. In those cases, keep showing yourself the compassion you deserve. This one is key for empaths—because if you’re able to keep cutting yourself slack, you’ll feel less triggered by the negatives in your life. Try:^{[12]
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Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public

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- Challenging negative self-talk. If you think: “I should be doing more for them.” Change the narrative: “I’ve done what I can, and I'm doing my best.”
- Write a letter to yourself. Focus on not assigning blame, just processing your own feelings.
- Ask yourself if you'd be this hard on another friend. If the answer is no (and it probably is!) remember that you deserve the same compassion.
- Treat yourself when you're feeling low. Buy yourself something you love or do something you enjoy. And when you do, remind yourself that you deserve it!
- Try to actively forgive yourself for mistakes. Do you have a regret that still weighs on your today? Talk it through with a friend—by the end of the conversation, make it your goal to forgive yourself.