This article was co-authored by Leah Morris and by wikiHow staff writer, Bailey Cho. Leah Morris is a Life and Relationship Transition coach and the owner of Life Remade, a holistic personal coaching service. With over three years as a professional coach, she specializes in guiding people as they move through both short-term and long-term life transitions. Leah holds a BA in Organizational Communication from California State University, Chico and is a certified Transformational Life Coach through the Southwest Institute for Healing Arts.
There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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You may have seen the term “ugly duckling syndrome” floating around social media, but what exactly is it? Luckily, it’s not a real medical condition that you need to worry about, but there are a few “symptoms” you may find extremely relatable. In this article, we’ll teach you everything you need to know about ugly duckling syndrome, including the signs that you have it and how to overcome it.
Things You Should Know
- Ugly duckling syndrome refers to the various issues people experience if they grow up physically unattractive but become conventionally attractive later on.
- If you have ugly duckling syndrome, you might be super self-conscious about your appearance or feel uncomfortable when people give you attention.
- To overcome ugly duckling syndrome, write down what you love about yourself and work on being more receptive to compliments.
Steps
How to Overcome Ugly Duckling Syndrome
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Boost your self-confidence. Instead of questioning why people find you attractive, try to stop caring about other people’s opinions. Build positivity about yourself so you won’t have to rely on anyone else to feel worthy and beautiful.[9]
- Every day, write down 5 things that you love about yourself and repeat them out loud. By embracing your admirable qualities, you might begin to see yourself in a more positive light and improve your self-esteem.
- Focus on yourself before others and practice self-care. Take a relaxing bath, wear what makes you feel good, and give yourself credit for the little things (like making your bed or doing the laundry).
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Learn how to accept a compliment. Although accepting a compliment can feel weird at first, try to see yourself from an outside perspective so you can be more receptive to compliments. Even if you find it hard to believe you’re attractive, reflect on other people’s compliments and make a conscious effort to minimize negative thoughts about yourself.[10]
- For example, if you start to question how someone would find you “hot,” challenge those negative thoughts by acknowledging your favorite quality about yourself (even if it doesn’t relate to your appearance).
- If you’re struggling to respond to a compliment, start small. Say a simple “Thank you” or “I appreciate that,” instead of refusing or downplaying someone’s admiration for you.
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Become the best version of yourself. Since looks don’t last forever, make sure you’re happy with who you are—outside of your appearance. Although you probably have an amazing personality, it never hurts to be more kind and compassionate toward others. Work on becoming the best version of yourself to help you alleviate feelings of being unworthy or unlovable.[11]
- If you don’t know where to start, consider volunteering, running an errand for your friend, or writing a sweet letter to your mom. Helping others can make you feel better about yourself to help you overcome ugly duckling syndrome.
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Work on maintaining healthy relationships. While it’s perfectly normal to want to be liked by other people, you can still protect your well-being and foster deep connections with them. To break free from any people-pleasing tendencies, identify who makes you feel stressed or drained, and clearly establish boundaries with them—the more precise your boundaries are, the better.[12]
- For example, if your partner keeps kissing you in public and you’re not comfortable with PDA, communicate that you wish to keep those moments private.
- Remember that you don’t need to provide an apology or explanation for saying “No.” Someone who truly cares about you will respect your boundaries, even if they don’t fully understand or agree with them.
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Get vulnerable. If you struggle to open up to other people, it might be fueling your insecurities or unhealthy behavior. Instead of trying to maintain a perfect image of yourself, accept and embrace your emotions, and work on expressing how you feel.[13]
- To be more vulnerable in your relationships, start off by sharing something small, such as a worry you have about your job or one of your childhood dreams.
- Even if you grew up as an “ugly duckling,” remember that your previous experiences don’t define you. Try to let go of the past so you can open up and build meaningful connections with people in the present—there are so many people who want to be your friend and who will love you for who you are!
Expert Q&A
Tips
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beautiful-minds/200807/the-nature-genius-ii-late-bloomers-and-ugly-ducklings
- ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-40820-003
- ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-40820-003
- ↑ https://quirkydaily.com/ugly-duckling-syndrome/
- ↑ https://www.puckermob.com/moblog/from-ugly-duckling-to-beautiful-swan-learning-to-accept-compliments/
- ↑ https://www.puckermob.com/moblog/from-ugly-duckling-to-beautiful-swan-learning-to-accept-compliments/
- ↑ https://www.puckermob.com/moblog/from-ugly-duckling-to-beautiful-swan-learning-to-accept-compliments/
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10869-017-9489-6
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202301/5-healthy-habits-to-improve-your-self-esteem
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-image-professor/201103/how-receive-compliment
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/humility_will_make_you_greatest_person_ever
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-set-boundaries/
- ↑ https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/daring-be-vulnerable-brene-brown