How to Use Who and Whom

Co-authored by Michelle Golden, PhD

Last Updated: March 19, 2024 References

VIDEO

The correct use of who and whom in questions and statements may seem like a lost battle, still fought only by punctilious English teachers. However, using who and whom correctly can come in handy in formal writing, and it will make you seem more educated.

Examples of Using Who and Whom Correctly

Whom did you speak to? Whom would you rather have as a teammate?
Who did you speak to? Who would you rather have as a teammate?
To whom did you speak? With whom did they go? To whom did you talk today?
Who did you talk to? Who did they go with? Who ate the cake?

Steps

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1
Understand the difference between who and whom. Both who and whom are relative pronouns.^{[1]
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Research source} However, who is used as the subject of a sentence or clause, to denote who is doing something (like he or she).^{[2]
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Research source} On the other hand, whom is used as a direct or indirect object of a verb or preposition.
- While a preposition (at, by, for, in, with, etc.) often comes before whom, this is not always the case, so the key question is to ask, “Who is doing what to whom?” What follows is a quick way to determine which pronoun to use in a particular question.
2
Use who when referring to the subject of a sentence or clause.^{[3]
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Purdue Online Writing Lab
Trusted resource for writing and citation guidelines

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- Who brought the paper inside?
- Who talked to you today?
- Who went to dinner?
- Who ate the cake?
- Our job is to determine who qualifies.
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3
Use whom when referring to the object of a verb or preposition.^{[4]
X
Trustworthy Source

Purdue Online Writing Lab
Trusted resource for writing and citation guidelines

Go to source}
- To whom it may concern:
- To whom did you talk today?
- Whom does Sarah love?
4
Ask yourself if the answer to the question would be he/she/they or him/her/them. If you can answer the question with her, then use whom. It’s easy to remember because they both end with m. If you can answer the question with she, then use who.^{[5]
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Research source}
- Example: A suitable answer to the question, “To [who or whom] did the prize go?” is, “It went to them.” (It is improper to say “It went to they.”) The correct pronoun for the question is whom.
- Example: A suitable answer to the question, “[Who or Whom] went to the store?” is, “He went to the store.” (It is improper to say “Him went to the store.”) The correct pronoun for the question who.
5
When trying to decide whether who or whom is correct, simplify the sentence. Where other words in a complex sentence might throw you off track, simplify the sentence to include just the basic subject, verb, and object. It helps to move the words around in your head to identify the word relationships.^{[6]
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Research source} For example:
- “Marie Antoinette and her ladies-in-waiting only invited people to their party [who or whom] they considered to love parties as much as they did.” The simplified mental version becomes: “whom they considered.”
- “Marie Antoinette prevented her mother from knowing [who or whom] she invited to the Petit Trianon.” The simplified mental version becomes: “[who or whom] she invited.” Then, you could rearrange it again to say: “she invited whom”, clarifying that she did something to (invited) whom.
Remember that the distinction between who and whom is less important in informal spoken language than it is in formal written language. It’s possible that the distinction might someday erode altogether. For now, though, it is important to keep this clear in written language.

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Is it right to say, "To whom does this car belong?"

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Yes.

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Which is correct: 'for my sister, whom I love very much,' or, 'for my sister, who I love very much'?

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In this case, whom is correct, because the object of your love is your sister Think about it this way -- if a person is having the verb done to (with, about, for, etc.) them, you want to use whom.

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Is "whom are you going to invite" correct?

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Yes, because in this sentence you are the subject, and the invited party will be the object of your action (being invited).

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Tips

Ask yourself “who did what to whom?”^{[7]
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Research source}

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Learning who and whom can help with grammar and understanding different languages. It is also good to know this if you want to speak fluent English and write correct sentences.

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It is possible to write around problems involving who and whom, but the result is almost always clumsy. If you write “To which person did the prize go?” because you can’t remember that whom is the correct pronoun for such a question, you will have avoided a grammatical error at the expense of elegance.

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Warnings

There is much confusion and misuse on this topic. Just as correctly using whom may make others think that you are intelligent, misusing it may make you seem pompous. Never use whom as a subject pronoun. This is as incorrect as using who where whom is required. Many people will mistakenly believe that you are trying to be formal.
- “Whom are you?” is wrong. It is meant to be “Who are you?”
- “John is the man whom I expect will be awarded the prize” is wrong. It should be “John is the man who I expect will be awarded the prize.”
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