Why Do I Hate My Birthday?

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Learn the reasons behind the birthday blues & how to overcome them

Co-authored by William Gardner, PsyD and Annabelle Reyes

Last Updated: March 4, 2024 Fact Checked

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Why do some people hate their birthday?

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Possible Causes

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How to Get Over the Birthday Blues

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Expert Interview

Some people spend all year looking forward to their next birthday. Others dread their birthdays and can’t wait for them to be over. If you get the birthday blues, you’re not alone! It’s actually quite common to feel sad, anxious, or stressed out on your birthday, and these negative feelings can easily make you dislike your special day. If you want to learn more about this phenomenon, you’ve come to the right place. We’ll go over the reasons you might hate your birthday and provide tips on how to beat the birthday blues, so keep reading!

Things You Should Know

Birthdays can bring up feelings of sadness, anxiety, and stress for many people. This phenomenon is commonly called birthday depression or the birthday blues.
Birthday depression can stem from a fear of aging, discomfort with being the center of attention, or negative memories of childhood birthdays.
Cultivating gratitude, letting go of expectations, and practicing self-compassion can help you overcome the birthday blues.

Section 1 of 3:

Why do some people hate their birthday?

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Birthdays can stir up complicated and unpleasant emotions. In fact, many people experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, or dread on their birthday and the days leading up to it. This phenomenon is called birthday depression or the birthday blues, and it can make someone dislike their birthday or avoid celebrating it.^{[1]
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- It’s important to note that birthday depression is not an official medical diagnosis—it’s a term used to describe the temporary negative feelings one may experience in the days surrounding their birthday. If your negative feelings pass after few days, you’re likely just dealing with the birthday blues.
- This is very different from clinical depression, which is a serious mental health condition involving longer-lasting symptoms. If your symptoms persist longer or become more severe, make an appointment with a mental health professional.

Section 2 of 3:

Possible Causes of the Birthday Blues

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If you’re on the more introverted side, a room full of people wishing you a happy birthday and focusing all their attention on you might be overwhelming, rather than celebratory.^{[2]
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Research source} The stress of this situation may be the reason you don’t enjoy your birthday.
Many people feel pressured to throw a major party or go out on the town with friends on their birthday, when they’d actually prefer a smaller, low-key celebration. This pressure to do something extravagant and memorable can lead to stress and frustration.^{[3]
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Birthdays can come with some pretty high expectations, and feelings of disappointment can ensue if these expectations aren’t met.^{[4]
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Research source} Some people choose to not make a big deal out of their birthday in the first place, in order to protect themselves from potentially getting their feelings hurt.
For some, birthdays spark fears about getting older. They may feel like they haven’t achieved what they're “supposed” to have achieved by their age, or they may be afraid of the changes that come with getting older. This tends to be especially common on “milestone” birthdays, like a 30th or 50th birthday.^{[5]
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Maybe your parents didn’t celebrate your birthday with love and care when you were growing up. Or, maybe birthdays were a stressful time because they’re expensive, and money was tight. Whatever the case, you might still associate your birthday with these difficult memories, which could be the reason you dislike it.^{[6]
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Section 3 of 3:

How to Get Over the Birthday Blues

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Do whatever makes you happy on your birthday, whether that be throwing a major party with all your friends, or having a low-key dinner with your family. The important thing is to do exactly what you want to do, not what you think you’re “supposed” to do. It is your birthday, after all!^{[7]
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Cultivate gratitude. If birthdays bring up complicated feelings about aging for you, practice gratitude to shift your perspective about getting older.^{[8]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.

Go to source} This can help you see aging as a beautiful thing and a privilege, rather than something to be afraid of.
- Try making a list of all the things that have happened in the past year that you’re grateful for.
- Yes, you have grown another year older, but you’ve also gotten the chance to experience another year’s worth of love, joy, and friendship.
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Let go of expectations. Try not to get caught up in the idea of what the “perfect” birthday should look like, as this can easily lead to disappointment. Instead, do your best to live in the present moment and appreciate it for what it is.^{[9]
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Research source} Remember, a birthday doesn’t need to be absolutely perfect to be meaningful!^{[10]
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- Practicing mindfulness can help you appreciate the present moment.
- Mindfulness involves being intensely aware of your thoughts, emotions, surroundings, and sensations without judgment.^{[11]
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  Greater Good Magazine
  Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
  
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- Practices that promote mindfulness include meditation, journaling, yoga, and spending time in nature.^{[12]
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  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  
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Practice self-compassion. Self-compassion involves recognizing when you’re struggling and being kind to yourself in those difficult moments.^{[13]
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Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public

Go to source} It can be a powerful tool to combat the birthday blues.^{[14]
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- No matter what you’re feeling on your birthday, don’t criticize or judge yourself.
- Imagine your best friend in the situation you’re in. What words of kindness and support would you say to them? How would you show them you care?
- Now direct this compassion and understanding toward yourself. You deserve the same kindness you would show to others!^{[15]
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  Harvard Medical School
  Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
  
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