How to Win Informal Arguments and Debates

Co-authored by Lynn Kirkham

Last Updated: June 24, 2024 Fact Checked

Skilled debate is an art that takes quick thinking, good organizational skills, and effective communication. Unlike formal debates scored by a judge, informal arguments and debates can happen just about anywhere. In an informal debate, people speak their minds without strictly needing to cite a logical order or strong evidence. Since these arguments tend to move quickly, staying composed is key. Improve your chances of winning by clearly stating your strongest points and responding to any criticisms raised against them. Whether you’re arguing at a debate club, on a news show, or even online, you can learn strategies to win debates more often.

Sample Argument

Sample Informal Debate Argument

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Defending Your Arguments

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1
Decide on a position you feel capable of arguing for. Ideally, your position will cover a subject you really believe in. If you’re passionate about something, you most likely know a lot about it and can come up with a few convincing arguments. However, during some informal debates, you may not get a chance to choose your position. When this happens, keep your assigned position in mind while you come up with arguments for it.^{[1]
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- If you’re part of a debate group, you may be randomly assigned a position and told to debate it with a partner. For instance, you might be asked to support school uniforms even if you don’t think they are a good thing.
- Some debaters find that working with unfamiliar subjects is easier than ones you’re passionate about. You may not know as much about the position you’re arguing for, but you will also be less emotionally invested in it.
2
Become well-informed about the position you are supporting. If you have time to prepare, the points you make will be much more effective. Make sure you understand not only your own position, but the opposing one as well. Read the evidence for both sides to formulate strong arguments. Search for good examples and statistics you can use to help make your point.^{[2]
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- Knowing your opponent’s position allows you to anticipate objections and respond with more effective counterpoints.
- In a formal debate, you must state your argument, followed by supporting facts with plenty of evidence. Informal debates don’t require this same sort of order or evidence, but having supporting examples will still make your point much stronger.
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3
Begin a debate by clearly stating a thesis. A thesis is a brief statement of your position and usually includes your reasons for supporting it. Starting out with your thesis tells your opponent and anyone else exactly what you’re arguing for. Informal debates can be a little messy, so if you don’t state your point, people may get confused and side against you.^{[3]
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- For example, you might say, “I believe school uniforms are bad because they take away individuality, which is an important part of developing a personal identity in childhood.”
- Try following your thesis with a quick summary of your points. Use your strongest evidence-based points. For instance: “I believe the moon was once a part of the Earth because geological data shows that the moon’s rocks are similar to those found on Earth.”
- If you can get your opponent to agree with your basic premise, you will be in a much better position during the debate.
4
Go through your debate points in a logical order. Try to mentally order your points in your head before the debate begins. Plan on leading with a strong point and building upon it. Lead into each point you make afterward and make sure they all illustrate your thesis.^{[4]
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- If you have time to do so before a debate, jot down a quick list of the points you plan on making. Check that they flow well in an order that is easy to understand.
- For example, you could start off by criticizing the effect school uniforms have on individuality. You might then illustrate how they prevent children from developing and point out studies showing that uniforms don’t improve grades or reduce bullying.
5
Mention only the strongest points supporting your argument. Weaker points leave your argument open to criticism. If you’re not well-versed in a point you’re trying to make or don’t have an opportunity to include it in your argument, don’t bring it up. Informal debates tend to move quickly and can be a little chaotic, so don’t expect to have time to describe all possible points you could make. Focus on the ones that best represent your position.^{[5]
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- For instance, you may wish to talk about how school uniforms cost money, are a burden on poor families, or feel uncomfortable. It’s difficult to work these points in while you’re talking about individuality.
- Informal debates aren’t scripted. Even if you make a list of points, you may not get a chance to talk about all of them. Keep in mind that your opponent may also give you an opportunity to talk about points you didn’t intend on bringing up as well!
6
Attempt to resolve each point before moving to the next issue. If you’re stuck disagreeing with your opponent on a certain point, it can come up repeatedly throughout the argument. Ultimately, you end up having to “agree to disagree” and no one wins. Say all you have to say on the subject, respond as best you can to your opponent’s objections, and then introduce the next point. If your opponent tries to divert your attention, bring the discussion back to the original topic.^{[6]
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- One way to reach a resolution is to get your opponent to agree on some point. You could say, “We can all agree that school uniforms are very restrictive, right?”
- If you sense a diversion coming, you could say something like, “Let’s go back to your last point.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Responding to Your Opponent

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1
Listen carefully while your opponent talks. Look for opportunities to build upon the arguments they give you. Debates are about responding and, if you don’t respond in a way that makes sense, you won’t convince an audience that you’re in the right. Occasional interruptions are okay when warranted, but try to avoid talking over someone else.
- For example, you could say, “That’s not true” or “That logic doesn’t check out.” You may have a chance to stop a bad argument before your debate partner has a chance to make it sound convincing.
- Most of the time, you’re better off listening and waiting. Let your opponent say their piece, including faulty arguments, as you plan out a response.
2
Answer objections raised by your opponent. In most cases, your opponent will listen to your reasoning and come up with reasons why it isn’t valid. If you are well-informed about your position, these objections may already be familiar to you. Use logic and evidence to show your opponent why their objections do not work. The common ways to refute objections is by showing that the evidence doesn’t support them or by exposing logical flaws in them.
- For instance, you might hear that school uniforms promote school safety and togetherness. You might then say, “This study shows that fights actually doubled after a school introduced uniforms.”
- To take a logic-based approach, you could argue, “The fact that school uniforms look the same does not mean they succeed in making people feel like part of the group. There are many other factors that make people feel different.”
3
Build on your opponent’s objections, if possible. If you have an opportunity to do so, turn your opponent’s arguments around on them. Instead of pointing out why they are wrong, illustrate it as best you can. Start with logical facts, including studies or any hard evidence you have supporting your critique. Add examples and descriptive scenarios if they apply.^{[7]
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- For example, if your thesis is that uniforms are bad, your opponent might point out how they are meant to reduce barriers between students. You could mention, “Barriers like wealth, status, and ability still exist. Since your point is that these barriers exist in the first place, uniforms aren’t the solution.”
4
Ask questions about your opponent’s arguments. Many people assume that the person with the most knowledge of a topic will win in a debate, but it’s not true. If you are able to challenge your opponent’s points efficiently, you can level the playing field. Identify weak or unclear points in their arguments, then ask your opponent for clarification. Sometimes a good question can leave even a knowledgeable debater flustered.
- One simple question to ask is, “Do you have evidence for that claim?” You could also try asking something like, “What would happen if everyone did that?”
5
Call out poor reasoning your opponent uses as a distraction. Informal debates are often full of poorly-reasoned, illogical arguments called fallacies. They are often used to distract from a good point or the main topic of the argument. They can be very persuasive if you let them distract you. When you hear a fallacy, be sure to note it and explain why it doesn’t make sense.^{[8]
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- One of the most common ones is a red herring, which is when your opponent tries to distract you with something irrelevant. For example, if you’re talking about choosing your own outfit, your opponent might say, “I like uniforms. They make kids look like they’re going to work.”
- A straw man is when your opponent attacks an argument you didn’t make. For instance, they might say, “So you don’t want kids to dress properly for school. That just means you support immoral behavior and don’t care about kids getting laughed at for dressing poorly.”
- A slippery slope argument confuses by bringing up irrelevant consequences. Your opponent might argue, “If kids can dress any way they please, first they’ll dress like they’re at home, and soon no one in the world will dress appropriately.”
- Another common tactic is called begging the question, where they pretend that a conclusion is true because of another argument. One example is, “School uniforms are good because I wore one and look how I turned out.”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Mastering Debate Etiquette

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1
Remain calm, rational, and reasonable at all times. Informal debates often get heated, especially when people disagree on positions they are very passionate about. Shouting or insulting your debate partner helps them in the end. It makes you look unfriendly, out of control, and incapable of coming up with quality arguments. Even if you did a good job stating your case up to this point, it could lead to your defeat.^{[9]
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- Remember that you are not here to attack your opponent. You may feel like they are failing to understand your position, but keep trying to convince them instead of losing your cool.
- Getting upset may be taken as a sign of weakness and cause your opponent to conclude they have you on the ropes. It can make your opponent feel more confident in their position.
2
Use effective speech and grammar when speaking. You don’t need to talk like a university professor to be effective and convincing. Instead, focus on organizing your thoughts into complete, flowing sentences. Stay away from big or confusing words in an attempt to sound more intelligent. Avoid words the audience may not understand and explain your points as needed. One of the most important parts of debating is being able to speak clearly and confidently.^{[10]
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- For instance, during a debate about school uniforms, don’t go overboard explaining specific school policies or technical details that will be confusing. Keep it simple and understandable.
- If you’re debating in front of an audience or a judge, look to them for signals. If they look confused or are shaking their heads at a point you made, then change your tactics.
3
Practice patience during the debate. As long as both you and your opponent debate in a respectful manner, be willing to spend time explaining your position. Changing someone’s mind is not easy. People don’t enjoy feeling like they are mistaken or losing an argument. They may also be very passionate about what they believe, so don’t expect to convince anyone right off the bat.^{[11]
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- Be aware that many debate topics don’t have easy answers. School uniforms, for instance, are controversial and have both positive and negatives to them.
- Your goal is to be as convincing as possible, even if you don’t personally agree with the position you may be forced to take.
4
Stay humble and prepared to lose a debate. A skilled debater understands that sometimes the other person’s arguments are stronger. If you find yourself unable to refute points, be honest and reasonable about it. Congratulate your opponent and move on. If you happen to win a debate, don’t try to rub it in.^{[12]
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- Take both wins and losses as an educational experience that makes you better equipped for the next debate.
- If you lose a debate, it doesn’t mean you’re obliged to change your opinion. You might use it as an opportunity to figure out new ways to respond to criticisms of your beliefs.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do you gain confidence to speak in front of people?

Lynn Kirkham
Public Speaking Coach
Lynn Kirkham is a Professional Public Speaker and Founder of Yes You Can Speak, a San Francisco Bay Area-based public speaking educational business empowering thousands of professionals to take command of whatever stage they've been given - from job interviews, boardroom talks to TEDx and large conference platforms. Lynn was chosen as the official TEDx Berkeley speaker coach for the last four years and has worked with executives at Google, Facebook, Intuit, Genentech, Intel, VMware, and others.

Lynn Kirkham

Public Speaking Coach

Expert Answer

Try doing mirror work! It's really important for you to be able to see your own eyes in the mirror and like what you see. It's not about seeing your body or your face—it's about really connecting with your own eyes and saying things like I believe in you, I like you, and I appreciate you. Staying connected with your eyes for a couple of minutes can help change your nervous system.

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What if it is an argument at home and the other person doesn't let me speak?

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If the person is a control freak, then don't get into an argument. When you feel that you're not "allowed" to speak, then the person is authoritarian and difficult and is unlikely to ever listen or learn from you. The answer is to accept that an argument with such a person is pointless and your energies are better spent vaguely nodding and walking away to do what suits you best anyway, until you can get free of this argumentative family member from your life.

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What do I do if my team members are not very good at debating and the opponents are very good?

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They are your teammates for a reason. You can help them, whether that's helping them prepare before the debate or helping within the debate by responding to arguments and adding additional refutation-based support.

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Tips

A rule of thumb to remember in debating is that your own desires and opinions will not convince anyone else. To do that, you need logic and evidence.

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To improve as a debater, become familiar with how logical arguments work. Being able to argue point by point will make you effective at pointing out flaws and contradictions when your opponent speaks.

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There are many types of logical fallacies, and you can practice spotting them by listening to news reports or debates.

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Warnings

Be careful about approaching an issue you are passionate about. Some arguments can get very heated and hostile. When that happens, you are unlikely to come to an agreement no matter how convincing your point was.

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