How to Politely Ask Someone for the Money They Owe You

If you've loaned money to a friend, having them pay you back in a timely manner without you asking is an ideal scenario. However, if they're not as forthcoming with paying you back, asking them to repay you may seem like an awkward proposition. Still, when handled properly, you can reclaim the money you loaned out without losing the friendship. Here are some different approaches to asking your friend for repayment and how to escalate the situation legally, if necessary. We hope it doesn't get to that point!

How do I ask a friend or family member for money back?

If you've loaned someone money, you have every right to ask for it back. Pick an appropriate place and time, then ask them kindly but directly. If necessary, offer to set up a repayment plan and mutually agree to this plan in writing. As a last resort, you may take legal action to recoup your cash.

Section 1 of 5:

How to Ask Someone for Your Money Back

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1
Set up a meeting in person. Invite them to chat over a coffee or lunch. Keep the situation casual so your friend feels comfortable talking to you openly. You can email, call, or text, but people are more likely to fully understand this conversation if you conduct it face-to-face, where they can see your body language and facial expressions.
- Make sure you're able to meet one-on-one. You don't want to embarrass your friend.
- Send an email, text, or call and say something like, "Do you have some time to meet and talk this weekend?"
- If you want to give them a heads up on what the conversation is about, you can say something like, "Can we meet up Friday to talk about that loan I gave you a few months ago?"
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Politely remind them that they owe you money. In some cases, your friend really may have forgotten about the money owed to you. Start by reminding them about the loan. You can say something like, “I was happy to give you that money last month to help out, but I was hoping you could pay me back before my rent is due.” This reminds them that the money was given and acknowledges that the money was a loan, in case they had misinterpreted the loan as a gift.
- Often, people who rely on friends or family members to give them money may not be great at handling their personal finances. These people may selfishly think that having money for themselves is more important than repaying the loan. In these cases, it may be beneficial to let the person know why it's important that they pay you back soon.
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Be direct if your friend is not getting the hint. If the gentle reminder doesn't produce an apology and offer of repayment, address the issue head-on. Phrasing your request for repayment as a question can soften the blow. Try saying something like, “Do you know when you'll be able to pay me back?”
- Insist on a precise answer to your direct question. Responses like, “I hope to get it back to you in the next few months,” are not adequate.
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Ask them to repay some of the money. If your friend is unable to pay the full amount owed to you, ask if they can pay some of the money to show they are serious about making a repayment effort. The more upfront and honest your friend is about their financial situation, the better able you will be to determine whether they can truly afford to pay you back, or if they need more time. Regardless of their financial situation, recouping some of your losses is always preferable to none.^{[1]
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- You could say something like, "It would be helpful to me if you could make a payment towards the loan today."
- If you're worried your friend may truly be having trouble repaying the money, say something like, "I know you're still struggling, but is there a small amount you could pay me now?"
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Set a deadline for them to pay you back. Sometimes, people simply work better with a timeline. Let your friend know you'd really like to be fully repaid by a certain date. Be willing to extend this if you can. You probably don't want to lose your friend over a personal loan, but if you really need the money paid back, setting a specific deadline may help.^{[2]
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- Before your meeting, think through some possible payment plans you think may be feasible for your friend. Presenting these to your friend will take the pressure off them to come up with these ideas.
- Say something like, "What amount would you be able to get by without each month?"
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Create a repayment plan. Schedule due dates and payment amounts, and ask your friend to honor the agreement. You can even request that they sign a formal document at this point if you've already tried the other methods of getting repayment without effect. This can make it easier for friends to return your money since they don't have to repay it all at one time.^{[3]
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- Don't shy away from asking your friend to commit to a repayment plan or from asking them to sign a formal agreement, especially if you have loaned them an amount of money that is significant to you.
- Remember, you don't need an actual reason to want the money back. The loan should be repaid, but this is another way to improve your odds of getting your friend to pay you back without losing the friendship.
- In some cases, it may even be appropriate to ask the friend to perform services in lieu of payments. For instance, if you need to go out of town, you can say, “I'm leaving for a business trip, and will be gone for ten days. Could you water my plants and watch my dogs? I'll deduct $300 from what you owe me.”
In extreme cases, you may have to choose between getting your money back or keeping your friend. This will likely be a difficult decision, but if you've put in effort to get repayment and your friend simply can't afford to pay you back, it might be time to think of the loan as a gift.

Section 2 of 5:

Asking for Money Back: Text Message Samples

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1
Asking a friend for repayment With a text message, you have your request for repayment in writing, so your friend can't make any excuses in regard to miscommunication. Remember to remind them kindly and persist if they're not immediately forthcoming about repayment. Examples:
- “Hey buddy! I don’t mean to press the issue, but I could really use the $100 I lent you a few months ago. I’m planning a big trip soon, and I’m trying to budget for it. Let me know when you think you’ll be able to Venmo me!
- “Hi friend! Any chance you’ll be able to pay me back within the next two weeks? I know you’re good for it, I just want to set a concrete date! Thanks, and let me know!”
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Asking a family member for repayment Gently nudge them and request follow-through, whether that be in the form of a single lump sum or a payment plan. You can even explain why you need the money back ASAP to ease a bit of the tension, although the fact that the money belongs to you is reason enough. Examples:
- "Hi [family member's name or title]! I wanted to ask about the money I lent you a few weeks ago. We're family, and I'm always happy to help, but I was wondering if I could have it back within the next couple of days? I'm going on a trip and could use the extra cash! Let me know, love you."
- "Dearest [family member's name or title], it was so nice to see you at Sunday supper last week! We didn't get a ton of time to chat but I did mean to bring up the money I loaned you a couple of months ago. Any chance you'd be able to pay me back by the end of this week, at least in part? I'd super appreciate it!"
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Asking a co-worker for repayment You don't want to cause conflict in the workplace or add unnecessary tension to any professional situation. These are good enough reasons not to lend a co-worker money in the first place, but if you already have, here are some ways to ask for it back.
- “Hi there [co-worker’s name]! Not a huge deal as I’m sure it’s just slipped your mind, but I did want to inquire about the money I lent you last month. Do you think you’ll be able to pay me back by the end of the week? Please let me know. Thank you.”
- “Hello! Just wanted to touch base about the $200 I let you borrow last week. I’m open to repayment options if you can’t repay it all in one go. Please let me know when and how much you’re able to pay. Thank you!”
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Asking for repayment when you’ve already asked After a certain point, it's hard to blame your friend's memory, as you've definitely mentioned it multiple times. Try sending one more message where you are directly asking for the money back, letting your friend know that you don't want this to further affect your relationship. Examples:
- “Hi there. I don’t want things to get awkward between us, but I do need you to commit to paying me back the money you owe me. What day this week would work? Please let me know ASAP.”
- “Hello, it’s been over a month since I lent you the $150 you needed. I’ve mentioned it a few times before and it’s time that we settle on a repayment date as I really need the money back. Can you pay me back within the next 72 hours? I’d really appreciate it.”
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Asking for repayment from someone who’s ghosting you If you've reached out to this person over a period of weeks or months and have not heard anything back, it might be time to set a strict boundary. Send them a text explicitly stating a deadline for their payment and mention potential legal consequences. This will hopefully be the push your friend needs to repay their loan. Examples:
- "Hi there. I've reached out multiple times requesting an update on your repayment of my $100 loan. It's been [x amount of time] and I need the money back. Please reply to this message with a date you can commit to paying me back by. If you don't answer, I will be forced to take legal action, which I'd really prefer not to do. Thank you, and I hope to hear from you."
- "Hi [person's name]. It's been [x amount of time] since I lent you $300, and it has been [x amount of time] since you last answered any of my messages. This is my final attempt: please reply to this message with a notice of upcoming repayment, or I will be forced to take legal action. Thank you."

Section 3 of 5:

Taking Legal Action

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Send a demand letter. The first step in the process of legally recouping a loan is to write to the friend asking for repayment and giving them a certain amount of time to come up with the money. You should talk to a lawyer prior to sending this letter and have it notarized. The letter should also be sent by courier or through the mail using a signature tracking system, so you know and can prove your friend received it. Include as many specifics as possible in the letter.
- The letter should detail the exact amount owed, length of delinquency in repaying the loan, other attempted methods to recoup the loss, and potential court dates if the money is not repaid.
- For instance, your letter could say something like, “On December 3, 2015, I loaned Joe Smith $600 for his construction business. I asked for repayment by October 3, 2016. I have asked for repayment in person and in writing and have attempted to make a payment plan. Mr. Smith has been unresponsive. I am seeking legal action to recoup those losses if I am not repaid by December 3, 2016. At this time, we will schedule a court date to discuss the matter in the presence of legal counsel.”
- If your friend responds to the letter and pays the debt in the aforementioned time frame, there's no need to continue legal action.
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Look into online legal claims resources. People Claim is one of the most popular tools, but there are a number of similar websites and even apps that make filing a claim to recoup a loan fast and simple. ^{[4]
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- Do your research into online or app-based claims services. Most are reputable, but others are just out to take even more of your money without helping you recoup losses.
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Gather your documents. Before you go to court or even talk to a lawyer, have as much evidence as possible available. Keep receipts, bank transfers, bank statements, any written agreements you had for repayment, and any emails or letters you've shared with your friend. All of this information may be important to prove you are truly owed repayment. In legal cases, the burden of proof always lies with the prosecutor, not the defendant, so keeping good records will make it easier to prove your legal right to repayment. ^{[6]
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- The amount of time you have to recoup money from personal loans is different in every state. Do your research or ask your lawyer about any possible statutes of limitation before taking legal action.^{[7]
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Prove where the money came from. One of the keys to claims ending successfully is proving that the money you lent was earned legally. This may seem silly, but it's actually one of the most common ways people get out of repaying personal loans. If you wrote a check for the loan, simply offering bank statements from the account is adequate to show where your deposits came from.
- If you paid the person in cash, you may have more difficulty proving the loan ever happened or that you got the money from reputable sources.
- If you can show a bank withdrawal for the amount on the date in question, this may be adequate.
Even if you win a legal case, it's often difficult to enforce the agreement. Document every payment or missed payment, and return to court sooner rather than later. Simply avoiding court fines and legal fees may encourage your friend to make the payments they agreed to.

Section 4 of 5:

Things to Consider Before Lending Money

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Many people do this prior to lending money to ensure they are protected later if the friend refuses to repay. This is a great way to start the lending relationship off on the right foot because the terms of the agreement are clear from the very beginning. An IOU can easily be changed down the line if your friend needs a little extra time to repay it. Starting with an IOU also makes it easier for you to take legal action later if this step is necessary. Check out How to Write an IOU for more information.
Ask questions about why they haven't gone through more traditional channels (banks, credit cards, etc.) for financing. Try to find out whether their current hardship truly is temporary or if understanding finances is something the friend struggles with regularly. You may not want to lend money to a friend if they are very unlikely to repay the loan.
Expert financial advisor Jonathan DeYoe discourages lending money to buddies, warning that despite your best efforts, you may still lose your friend, your money, or both. Before you get financially involved with your friend, make sure you're willing to lose them or the amount of money you've loaned them.

Section 5 of 5:

Frequently Asked Questions

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Is it OK to ask someone for money they owe you? Absolutely. You helped someone out who needed it under the condition that they would return the money back to you as soon as they could. This was not a gift, but a loan, and no matter what, loans require repayment. Although it may feel awkward to ask for your money back, you have every right to do so, no matter who you lent it to, what their excuses are, or otherwise.
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Why should you always ask for your money back? Simply put, it's your money, and it belongs to you. Also, if you don't ask for your money back, people who struggle with managing their finances may perceive you as someone they can continue asking for these kinds of favors. Ask for your money back politely but firmly, and this will let them know that you are a person and not a piggy bank.^{[8]
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A friend of mine owes me $60. It's been 3 months and she hasn't pay me back yet. I reminded her before but she didn't have it. Would it make me a bad friend to politely remind her again?

Donagan

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Not at all. Don't feel guilty. Your friend is in the wrong, not you.

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If it is a small amount of money, wouldn't it be weird if I ask for the money even if he didn't pay me back?

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It may feel petty, but you have the right to ask for your money back no matter how small the sum. Just give your friend a casual reminder. If you feel really awkward, try something like "hey man, I'm a little short on funds this month, do you think I could get that $5 back?"

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A friend owns me 2000 pounds. I keep on asking her to pay it back, but she doesn't answer my phone calls. What do I do?

Donagan

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Send one or more letters to her policing requesting payment. If that doesn't work, you could sue her in county court. But, honestly, depending on the longevity and nature of the relationship, you might forgive her that debt and determine never to lend her a penny again...

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Warnings

If your friend is spending large amounts of your money on alcohol, drugs, or gambling, get them help. Your friend may have an addiction. If you help them kick their addiction, you are much more likely to recoup your loan, and most importantly, you're helping your friend lead a safe, healthy life.

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Be prepared for a potentially negative response from your friend. DeYoe notes that talking about money can be stressful, embarrassing, and difficult in the best of situations. When it comes to lending money to someone you're friends with, there's an added layer of concern. The potential negative response when you attempt to recoup your loan may lead to you losing your friend.

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