How to Be Okay with Having a Communist Friend

Co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS

Last Updated: October 17, 2024 References

Human beings are a social species. We gravitate towards one another based on several factors. As we earn each other's trust and friendship, we must learn to deal with our differences. A most common difference that can feel personal is our political views. If you have a friend who supports communism, and you do not support it, getting along might be difficult at times. However, with respect for each other, you can be okay with your friend who is a communist.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Working on Your Friendship

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The best part about making friends is understanding each other. If your friend is communist and you uphold a different ideology, you can still get along very well. Politics will just be one area where you won't meet eye to eye. Understand that you don't have to agree with your friend in order to get along.
If someone doesn't share the same beliefs as you do, they don't deserve to be criticized or scrutinized. Set aside their beliefs and treat them based on the respect you feel they deserve. Friendships should be void of harsh treatment of one another. Respect can focus on things such has hard work, treatment of others, their abilities, and characteristics. ^{[1]
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Arguing about communism is not going to create a strong bond. People offer other interests aside from politics. Figure out what drew you to that person in the first place, such as school, sports, or work. The best friendships are well rounded.
No one needs to be bullied for what they believe. If your friend receives harsh treatment from others who oppose Communism, stand up for your friend. That will be the best thing for your friendship, and it will open the eyes of others.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Learning About Your Friend's Views

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Learning from one another is essential to any relationship, and friends should have a lot to offer. Inquire about your friend's Communist beliefs. Ask open ended questions that start with what or how, and let yourself refrain from any interruptions or judgement.^{[2]
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Communism is a theory, and when you focus on the errors of those who falsely practiced that theory, you prevent yourself from learning. Read some easy fundamental Works like "The Communist Manifesto" and "Value, Price and Profit" by Marx, but also some good Texts that show the humanistic and libertarian core of communism, like Oscar Wilde's "The Soul of Man under Socialism". Read some good introductions, like Bini Admczak's "Communism for Kids", Michael Heinrich's or David Harvey's introductions to "The Capital" or Etienne Balibar's "The Philosophy of Marx". Be careful with the sources you seek; propaganda and biased journalism exists to create fear and hate at times.^{[3]
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A common misconception people hold about communism is what we've seen in the past. Most countries that have attempted to execute a communist economy have resembled more of a dictatorship or a tyranny. ^{[4]
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Research source} A real communist does not support a dictatorship of rulers over the population.
This theory states that all governments in human history have been a class dictatorship, meaning that the state is under the command of the interests of one social class. This is why communists refer to capitalism as the "dictatorship of the bourgeoisie (capitalists)" and refer to socialism as the "dictatorship of the proletariat (workers). Modern communists refer - in according with the intention of Marx - to capitalism as the dictatorship of capital, i.e. of a blind and automatical-moving power, that was created by men but is now out of control. States are than not simply under the command of the interests of capitalists, but have to respect the rules of capitalism in order to fulfill their tasks. On the other side, "dictatorship of the workers" means the end of "dictatorship" itself and the end of classes. Marx described communism as "free association" of free individuals, in which the free developing of each one ist the condition for the free developing of all. Also against a work-fixation of traditional communists, Marx saw in communism the wind of work as a heavy and alienating task, the end of the "kingdom of necessity" and the begin of the "kingdom of freedom".
Go online and read books about communism. You will not be sacrificing your own beliefs by educating yourself on the subject. You might be interested to see that communism can be made up of several differentiating political parties similar to what the United States has. Also, communism shares a lot of views that are not necessarily political; communism cares about the environment in a similar way the USA and other countries do.^{[5]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Having Healthy Discussions

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Achieving this by slandering the personal life of the person who supports such theory is called an ad hominem. This is a common logical fallacy so be careful.
In order to have a good discussion, you must be informed. Learn more about your beliefs. A lot of times, our belief system can be influenced by our surroundings and become innate; however, that natural feeling towards a belief system does not always insure we will be properly informed. Moreover, politics is a huge subject that can change and present new information daily.^{[6]
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A discussion can turn in to an argument quickly, and the best way to avoid that is by listening like a good parent or student. Listening to someone does not mean you are submitting to their beliefs. Also, when you reply, speak kindly and intelligently. We enjoy a lot of political analysts who use sharp and sarcastic delivery in both monologues and dialogues. However, all that is done for entertainment. In the real world, sarcasm is not received well by all and is taken offensively by a lot people.^{[7]
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Your friend doesn't hold communist beliefs just to anger you. If you start feeling angry during a conversation with your friend, ask yourself where the anger is coming from. It might not actually have its source in your friend's beliefs. Distinguishing your vulnerability before hand can help you avoid certain specific topics. If ever you feel the discussion may have triggered you, be kind enough to ask to change the subject.
Having a discussion with your friend is meant to open up friendship and share ideas. If you enter discussions with hopes of manipulating the conversation and influencing your friend's beliefs, then nothing well will come out of it. Ignore any thoughts of changing how your friend views the world. Even if you are passionate about the subject, that doesn't give you the right to impose upon your friend.^{[8]
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A successful dialogue happens when individuals create new ideas together. The creation and problem solving can only happen with good listening. When your friend is discussing a point, don't interrupt. Give the person time, and don't counter argue by repeatedly stating but but but; using that word immediately negates what was just said, like it didn't even matter. If you wish to get along, you should treat each other's ideas as though they do matter.^{[9]
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If discussions lead to arguments all the time, then something must be changed, and someone must be wrong. If the discussions lead to an argument that you keep bring up over and over again, chances are you can be wrong for trying to manipulate the discussion. Try to refrain from confusing facts for opinions. Facts should speak for themselves--whether you like believing them or not. Opinions are arguable, so when you feel the discussion is getting very opinion heavy, refrain from being stubborn on a certain point. Admitting you're wrong is fine around friends. If you feel admitting you are wrong is some kind of defeat or concession to your friends beliefs, then reevaluate why you have discussions with your friend.^{[10]
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Community Q&A

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If I'm a communist, how do I act around my capitalist friends?

Community Answer

Just act normally. Don't bring up politics, but if its brought up, don't hide your views. If they stop being your friend because of politics, then they weren't your friends in the first place. Also, look up their views so you can have a better understanding of them, and educate them on why you are a communist. Do not push your views as it can drive them away.

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I just found out my neighbor is a communist? Where can I report her to the authorities?

SovietVodka901

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In most countries, being a communist isn't illegal. It's not the Cold War era anymore, and there's nothing to report. People can have whatever political views they like. The only time you would need to report them to authorities is if they had made some sort of violent threat or you had evidence that they were dangerous. It would be advisable to leave your neighbor be and let them to have their political views in peace, otherwise it will cause upset and make life uncomfortable for the both of you. If you feel that bothered by the fact you live next door to a communist, move.

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How can I convince my friends who have different ideologies to stop arguing?

Tom De Backer

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There is nothing wrong with a solid debate between people with different views. This can be an enlightenment for all involved. A debate is not about winning or losing though, it's about testing your thoughts, theories, and arguments against those of others, you have to listen at least as much as you talk. If a debate degrades into a fight or an argument without intellectual content, then nobody benefits. Point that out to your friends. If nothing works, physically remove yourself from the conversation as soon as it starts to become another argument.

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Be kind and supportive of each other.

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Know that a communist and a socialist are NOT the same thing and if you call one the other they may get offended.

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There are communists of all stripes! If your issue is with Marxism, Marxist-Leninism, Neo-Marxism, or any other particular -ism, take heart! A little extra research will most likely yield a brand of communism, or at least socialism, that is amenable to your beliefs. If not, cherrypick what you like out of all of them and invent your own -ism! Rather than rehashing the pointless debate over absolute capitalism vs. absolute communism over and over again, you and your friend can collaborate to theorize new, exciting models of political society which you would both like to advocate for.

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