How to Be a Girl's Girl

Reviewed by Seth Hall

Last Updated: September 5, 2024

VIDEO

"Girl's girl" is a term that's gained a lot of popularity on TikTok in the past year, but what does it mean? A girl's girl is a woman who passionately supports other women, whether it's the specific girls in her life or feminism as a whole.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Understanding Girl's Girls

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Understand what it means to be a girl's girl. Being a girl's girl is about sisterhood and supporting women in your day-to-day life. It has nothing to do with how masculine or feminine you are. Girl's girls are reliable, supportive friends who uplift other girls. A girl's girl:
- Uplifts the women around her
- Compliments other women sincerely
- Doesn't judge or tear down women for their differences
- Cares more about women's wellbeing than the opinions of men
- Helps women who are having a hard time
- Stands up for and/or supports victims of bullying
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Recognize what girl's girls don't do. A girl's girl hates mean girl behavior and would never stoop to it. Rather than criticize girls' style or habits, she supports them and helps them feel good about who they are.^{[1]
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- Gossip or say mean things behind others' backs
- Try to make another girl look bad
- Backstab
- Pit herself against other girls
- Judge other women's styles, dating lives, or priorities
- Intentionally make a move on another girl's crush or romantic partner
- Abandon a girl in need when she could do something to help
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Know that valuing women doesn't mean seeing men or nonbinary people as worthless. A girl's girl doesn't hate or avoid men in general, and she can have good relationships with guys. She just doesn't automatically prioritize men over the women in her life.
- It's okay if you have lots of male friends, as long as you don't intentionally avoid women for misogynistic reasons. Having more guy friends doesn't make someone a "pick me" or not a girl's girl.
- A decent person tries to be kind and supportive to people of any gender.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Having Great Relationships with Other Girls

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Champion other women in your everyday life. A girl's girl goes out of her way to uplift the girls around her. If you admire something about another girl, whether it's a family member or complete stranger, make sure to let her know! Try to prioritize complimenting a girl's brains, integrity, sense of humor, accomplishments, etc. instead of just her physical appearance, although telling a girl she's pretty is good, too.
- Only compliment other girls sincerely. You don't have to pretend to like every woman you meet.
- If another girl compliments you, thank her!
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Nurture your female friendships and relationships. Whether it's your mother, sister, girlfriend or co-worker, it's good to have close relationships with the women around you. If you don't have many female friends, try striking up conversations with girls around you.
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Think ahead to understand other girls' needs and perspectives. A girl's girl doesn't want to needlessly put another girl in an embarrassing, stressful, or upsetting situation if she can avoid it. While you can't prevent everything that can go wrong, do your best not to cause problems or make things worse.
- Remember things that can cause issues for your friends, like a food allergy or noise sensitivity. Try to plan ahead so everyone can be comfortable and safe.
- Be discreet when pointing out potentially embarrassing things (like a period stain or broccoli in someone's teeth).
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Do what you can for a girl in need. A girl's girl is the sort of girl you can count on when you're having a bad time. If a girl around you is struggling or feeling down, see if you can do something to improve her day. Here are a few examples of things you can do in everyday life:
- Be there when your friend is feeling down. Ask if she needs a listening ear or something fun to do. If she wants to talk, validate her feelings and help her feel heard.
- Help a classmate learn a concept she's struggling with on her homework.
- Discreetly help out a girl who has blood on her pants by quietly alerting her to the situation or (if possible) offering her menstrual supplies.
  - In this situation, say "you have something on your pants" as opposed to "blood", as it tends to be less embarrassing.
- At parties, help make sure other girls get home safe. Check on girls who look uncomfortable, even if you don't know them.
- Ask a girl what she needs when she's faced with a tough problem. Offer to help her make a plan for how to address it.
Keep in mind: You are also a girl who deserves to be safe and cared for. Don't sacrifice your own wellbeing in the name of helping others. Strike a reasonable balance so that you can be okay too. It's good to honor personal needs, like going to bed at a decent time or taking care of your project before helping with someone else's.
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Don't compete with other women. The patriarchy pressures women and girls to turn each other into enemies, fighting for the title of the prettiest or smartest. Understand that another woman's beauty doesn't take away from your own, and focus on your own success and happiness rather than "out-doing" someone else.
- Learn how to Handle Jealousy. It's okay to feel envious of another girl, but you should be kind and respectful to her nonetheless. Learn how to be friends with women you're jealous of.
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Respect the women in your family and home. You may not always get along, but do your best to be a good family member who treats people well. Be good to any sisters, moms, aunts, grandmas, stepfamily, and other family members.
- Don't insult, make fun of, or cause problems for the women in your house. Try not to do anything that makes their lives harder.
- Be a decent housemate. Clean up after yourself, do your fair share of chores, and don't be so loud that it disrupts others.
- Raise issues politely and respectfully. Instead of making accusations, see if you can work together to fix the underlying problem(s).

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Supporting Women Overall

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Be a feminist. Feminism is a political movement in support of reaching equality for men and women, and dismantling the patriarchal system. Being a girl's girl is about recognizing the systematic bias women (and anyone who isn't a cisgender man) face as a whole, and trying to change it.
- If you're not sure where to start, try reading the works of well-known feminist writers. Make sure to analyze their words critically, though, and remember that their opinions could have been influenced by the time period they were in.
- Discuss feminist issues with the women in your life. Nearly every woman in your life will have some experience with misogyny, and understanding these issues will further your grasp on feminist praxis.
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Be mindful of the language you use. Don't use misogynistic insults (such as "b-tch" or "sl-t") to refer to anyone, no matter what their gender is. Avoid phrases like "run like a girl" or "man up", as they imply women are weaker than men, which no girl's girl believes.
- Even if you dislike a woman, don't resort to gender-based hate or by insulting her appearance, age, weight, etc. Being a girl's girl doesn't only mean being nice to people on your good side.
- Don't default to "he" in conversations about hypotheticals or strangers. For instance, if your friend says she went to the doctor, say "were they nice?" as opposed to "was he nice?"
- Consider using gender-neutral terms like courier and handyperson instead of mailman and handyman.
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Consume media created by women. This includes TV, movies, books, music, and art made by female creators. No matter what you enjoy, whether it's rock songs or cartoons, there will be women behind the scenes making that kind of entertainment.
- In addition to female creators, pay attention to female characters, and how they're treated by people and fandoms. Do you notice a disconnect in the empathy shown for a female character? Which type of character tends to be favored?
- Pay attention to and call out stereotypes in media, whether they're against women or another marginalized group. This doesn't mean everything you enjoy has to be totally unproblematic: being aware of the stereotypes being enforced, and calling them out, is more important than avoiding anything deemed unprogressive.
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Support all kinds of women. Someone who only supports a certain group of privileged women is not a girl's girl. Women of color, fat women, disabled women, masculine women, LGBT women, etc. often experience the brunt of misogyny, and it's important to uplift a diverse range of voices.
- Don't make fun of women, even if it's not due to misogyny. Girl's girls don't participate in bullying anyone, especially not women. This applies even if a particular woman is a bad person: call her out for her actions or avoid her instead.
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Don't belittle other women for not understanding feminism as well as you might. Remember that you were once learning the basics of feminism, too. If someone asks you a question about the feminist movement, even if it seems simple, try to educate them rather than put them down with your "girl's girl" status.^{[3]
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- You don't have to educate other people all the time, if doing so makes you uncomfortable or feels draining. You can redirect to another feminist or source. You could also say something like "sorry, I don't have time/energy to explain this right now".
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Set an example for young girls in your community. Young girls are one of the most vulnerable groups of women, and you can help them a lot by being a strong role model. You can help young girls by babysitting, tutoring, or by just being a good friend. If you have a little sister, be kind to her and try to be a healthy role model.
- Of course, you should be nice to children regardless of gender.

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Tips

Pay attention to those around you who elevate you whenever they are around. Notice what they do that makes you feel emotionally charged, then emulate those behaviors. Likewise, notice individuals who make you and others feel down, then avoid the behaviors that make you feel that way. Having both positive and negative models may help you be more attentive and caring to all.

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- Don't constantly refer to yourself as a "girl's girl", as it may be perceived as bragging or as indirectly putting other women down. Instead, champion feminist beliefs and others will understand.

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Warnings

Some people use girl's girl to mean "feminine woman", and use this to put down women who go against societal standards of what a woman should be. Don't use this term to tear girls down.

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Supporting women in general doesn't mean enabling toxic behavior. If another woman is acting like a jerk and being rightly called out on it, you don't need to take her side.

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