How to Show a Friend That You Care

Co-authored by Allison Broennimann, PhD and Eric McClure

Last Updated: June 18, 2024 References

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If you want to go the extra mile to show a friend what they really mean to you, you’ve got a ton of options. Often, it’s the small gestures that go a long way towards making someone feel loved. Something as seemingly unimportant as a good hug or a simple “I appreciate you” can make the world of difference. So long as you’re honest, respectful, and you take an active interest in your friend’s life, they’ll know how you feel about them.

1

Tell them how much they mean to you.

If you’ve never said it out loud, let them know how much you care. We often assume our friends know how we feel, so we don’t take the time to really tell them. But it’s worth the effort if you want to make your feelings clear! Think about how good you feel when someone tells you they appreciate you. If you haven’t directly told them how important they are to you, there’s no time like now. If you aren’t sure what to say, give something like this a shot:
- “Hey, just so you know, I'm here for you if you need anything. I’ve always got your back”
- “I hope you know that you are important to me and I care about you.”
- “Whatever you are going through—good or bad—I'm here if you need me.”

2

Ask them questions about themselves.

Take an active interest in them if you rarely discuss what they’re up to. If you can encourage your friend to open up and share things about themselves, they’ll feel how much you care for them. The next time the two of you are chatting, try asking them more questions than you normally do. This will make them feel like you’re making an active effort to learn about them, which is a great way to show you care.^{[1]
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- You could ask them about a hobby you know they’re interested in. People tend to love talking about their passions, so ask questions like, “Play any fun board games lately?” and, “Learn any cool magic tricks lately?”
- You can even just ask them about how they’ve been spending their time lately. Questions like, “What did you do this weekend?” or, “What have you been up to lately?” are great ways to get them talking.

3

Check in to see how they’re doing.

Casually ask how they’re handling school or work to express support. A simple, “How are you today?” can mean a lot. This is especially important if they seem like they’re dealing with a lot. The next time the two of you are relaxing in private, ask them if they’re doing alright. You can even just shoot them a quick text if that’s how the two of you talk regularly. Even if they’re totally fine, the fact you’re checking in will mean a lot. If they do have a lot on their plate, just listen and let them vent.^{[2]
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Research source} You might say:
- “Hey, you seem like you’ve got a lot going on. How are you holding up?”
- “I noticed you’ve been working a lot this week. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
- “I just wanted to take a second to see how you’re doing. You feeling okay?”

4

Go out of your way to see or talk to them.

If they always call you to hang out, try calling them first. It can feel like someone doesn’t care about you very much if they never go out of their way to reach out. If you’ve noticed that they seem to always contact you first, try beating them to the punch. Call or text them on Friday evening before they get out of work or school to hang out, and try to schedule plans in advance. If it feels like you’re actively making an effort, they’ll know you care about them.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.}
- Think of every relationship like a seesaw, with you on one end and your friend on the other. If they’re always putting in the work, they’ll feel like you aren’t pulling your weight! Try to maintain a balance when it comes to your friendship.

5

Listen when they express themselves.

It’s easy to jump in and cut someone off, so try absorbing things they say. Listening to your friend discuss their problems, joys, or ideas is a great way to show that you care about them and what they are going through. Being listened to helps people vent their frustrations, share their feelings, and feel validated and important. When they talk to you, actively internalize what they’re saying.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.}
- If your friend is telling you about something they’re struggling with, don’t respond by talking about a problem that you’re dealing with. This can make it seem like you’re only talking to them because you want to talk about yourself.
- Show you are listening by maintaining eye contact and interested body posture such as leaning forward.
- Every once and awhile reflect or repeat back what your friend has told you to show you are listening and make sure you are hearing correctly.

6

Show love on social media.

Expressing your appreciation publicly can really make them feel good. Hop on whatever platform the both of you use and create a post bragging about how awesome your friend is. You can make it sweet and sappy, or you can go for something more comedic or silly. Make the post public and tag your friend to ensure that they see it. This may sound silly, but they’re sure to feel appreciated!^{[5]
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- If you go the humorous route, be sure to avoid including anything they may find embarrassing or insulting. Something like, “Shout out to my favorite math genius! I’d be failing geometry if it weren’t for you!” is perfectly fine, though.
- Include a nice photo of the two of you. It’ll serve as a sweet reminder of the times you’ve shared!

7

Celebrate their successes.

If something goes well for them, play it up like you couldn’t be prouder. Success is so much sweeter when it feels like you’ve got a team in your corner. If they tell you about a raise, new job, or great grade, throw your arms in the air and tell them how happy you are for them. Smile, give them a big bear hug, or offer to take them out on the town to celebrate.^{[6]
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- If you’re only there when things are bad, it may feel like you aren’t deeply invested in how they’re doing.

8

Get them a gift for no reason at all.

If you come across something your friend will love, get it for them! The occasional out-of-the-blue gift indicates that you were thinking about your friend when they weren’t around. It also shows that you don’t just care about them when you’re supposed to, and that you’re really invested in your friendship. Even if it’s something small, it may mean the world to them.^{[7]
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- Get them something personal. Don’t just pick up a gift card for them.
- If you’re short on cash, you could always make them a piece of art, or write them a genuine letter explaining what their friendship means to you.
- You could always get them something the two of you can do together. Concert tickets, seats for the ball game, or a two-player video game are all great options.

9

Give them a good hug.

A hand on the shoulder or a secret handshake are great ways to stay close. Physical touch is one of the most fundamental ways people show they care for one another. You don’t need to go out of your way to awkwardly hug them every day or anything, but the occasional loving handshake or fist bump will really make them feel special.^{[8]
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- Some people really don’t like people touching them. If that’s your friend, don’t push it.

10

Remember important dates.

Recalling someone’s big days without them mentioning it is a huge deal. People often only remember the birthdays of their parents, partner, and pets. But if you remember their birthday, it’s a sign that they’re just as important as your family. That can really mean a lot to someone. The same goes for anniversaries, holidays they care about, and dates that hold personal value. Jot these dates down in your calendar or set a reminder in your phone. Before the big day, say something like:^{[9]
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- “Your birthday is next week! Are you doing anything exciting?”
- “Hey, are you doing anything for your anniversary! Do you have plans already?”
- “Are you hosting another famous Friendsgiving this year? I know it’s coming up soon.”

11

Do something you both enjoy.

Spend some time doing something both of you love to relish your time together. If the two of you enjoy playing a particular game, pick a day once a week to play together. If you’re both huge fans of the local sports team, go see a game together. Inviting your friend to engage in a hobby with you is a phenomenal way of demonstrating how much your friend means to you.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.}
- You could travel somewhere together! A weekend road trip is a fun way to experience something new together.

12

Make them something delicious.

If they’re a foodie, show them you care with a delicious treat. You can make them their favorite dish, or share something they’ve never had before that you suspect they’ll love. You can even throw a little dinner party for them to enjoy the dish together. Just make sure that you take any dietary requirements and allergies into account before you start breaking out the cooking supplies!^{[11]
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- Cookies, cakes, and pies are all traditional winners when it comes to gifts.
- If they’ve got a favorite dish, make that. If you’re worried about being cheesy, just say, “I’ve been trying to cook new recipes in my spare time, and I know you love this dish. Give it a try and tell me how I did!”

13

Take a load off for them.

If they’re stressed out, do something to make things easier for them. If you know your friend really well, you might be able to tell what your friend needs without having to ask or be asked. Think about what's going on in your friend's life and try to anticipate what they want and need from you as a friend. You could do a little heavy lifting on that group project for school, or volunteer to help them move after they sign a lease for that new apartment.^{[12]
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- Taking care of something they genuinely dislike is one of the greatest acts of kindness. Think about how happy you’d be if your friend offered to do your least favorite chore!
- There’s nothing wrong with simply asking, “Hey, is there anything I can do to make things easier for you?”

14

Keep your word.

If you’re dependable, your friend will know you take the friendship seriously. If you go back on your word your friend is going to get the message that they are not important enough for you to keep a promise to, and that can cause damage to your relationship. Consider the importance of keeping your word in the following situations.^{[13]
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- If you agree to do something or be somewhere, make sure you stick to your word.
- If your friend is relying on you to do something, make sure that you do it. Don’t just blow it off!
- If you make a promise, keep it.

15

Acknowledge when you’re wrong.

Admit your faults if the two of you ever get into an argument. Apologizing is an essential aspect of showing someone you care. Even if you are not necessarily 100% at fault, acknowledging that you aren’t perfect is a key part of respecting your friend. If there is an argument or disagreement between the two of you, think about what is more valuable to you: your friend, or winning an argument?^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source

Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living

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- If you don’t feel like you did anything wrong, talk to them and try to see things from your point of view. So long as they feel like you’re making an effort to meet them halfway, things should work out.

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Question

What's the best way to keep in touch with a friend when you don't see each other often?

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Texting is great. Same with emailing. Luckily, everything's online. You can send emails and let someone know you're thinking of them and want to see them soon. Also, calling them to chat or leave a message is important sometimes too.

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