How to Be a Perfectionist

Co-authored by Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD

Last Updated: August 15, 2024 Approved

Ever wanted to be perfect in almost every way? Unfortunately, no one will probably ever achieve true perfection but you can come as close as possible without harming your health. Start at step one to start being responsible and become as perfect as possible.

1

Completely organize your room or house, and have everything aligned perfectly.

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You will no longer stress out at the last minute looking for something. Once every month, go through your room and look through the things that you don't need and throw them out. If you have a hard time with this, then every day before you go to school, make sure your floor is cleared and no clothes or anything is on there. Step by step you will get to a clean, organized room of sitting up, stretching, and getting out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off. If you can't get out of bed on time, you may be going to bed too late. Try sleeping earlier to allow yourself at least 8 hours sleep. By getting up late you are setting a pattern of lateness for the rest of the day.

2

Be punctual.

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Always arrive at your destination at least 15 minutes before you are supposed to be there. Wake up extra early. People will not take you seriously if you are late to things. You are letting people and their expectations down.^{[1]
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- Don't rush. Leave your house early so you don't even risk getting a detention for being late to class, or so that you will not be late for work. When you plan out your day, plan it so that you don't have to rush. It is as simple as that.
- Keep your watch accurate. For some people, moving up the time on their watch will help them be earlier. For others, they will subconsciously know that the time is wrong and so they just disregard it altogether. It may be helpful to set your watch just two minutes ahead instead of five or ten. This will make you less likely to factor in those extra few minutes.

3

Make to do lists.

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Get a calendar/planner, and write all of the things that you have to do on that day, not just the important things; to a perfectionist, everything is important.^{[2]
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- Make a to do list for your day. Your daily or immediate list should never be more than 5 items long, or else you're taking on too much and setting yourself up for failure. Mark one or two of those items as things you absolutely must get done that day, and pursue those tasks relentlessly until you get them done.
- Make a to do list for the week. Appropriate items here would be: Grocery shopping, fix air conditioner, etc. Draw from this list to make your daily to-do list. A white board or board with erasable markers can help to remember all one has to do every day, or long term goals.
- Make a to do list for the month. This list would have more general tasks like: Birthday gift to Jill, get car serviced, dentist appointment. Draw from this list to make your daily and weekly to-do list.
- Make a to do list for your life. Drastic, yes, but why not use this time to rethink your life and where it's going? Being a perfectionist is all about priorities, and it never hurts to get your ducks in a row.
- Follow through. There's no point in making a to-do list if you don't discipline yourself to complete the tasks you've assigned yourself. There are many ways to stick to your to-do list. Stop procrastinating, remove or ignore distractions, and hop to it.
- If something keeps slipping to the bottom of your to-do list, take a good look at it. Is it really important? If so, get it over with, or at least get it started. If not, put it back in the long-term list for someday or get it off the list altogether. Don't let yourself get hung up on something for too long.^{[3]
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4

Pay attention to your demeanor and speech.

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- Have excellent grammar.
- Be very polite. Hold a door for someone. Say please, thank you and I'm sorry whenever necessary, even if it is to a person you may not like very much.
- Speak calmly. This shows politeness. If you talk very loudly, it will seem that you're desperate for attention. Being loud in public isn't just obnoxious, but also inconsiderate to the people around you. Listen to what people have to say and always make eye contact.
- Act As If You're Constantly Watched. Anywhere you are, imagine your boyfriend, your boss, your mother watching you. If you are a perfectionist you are doing just as you should, but if you talk to yourself, smoke, slouch, eat like a pig, speed, swear, or lie would these people think of you differently? They would! And you should feel you need to change as well.

5

Have great hygiene.

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If you want to act the part, you should look the part as well. Be sure to iron your clothes. Dress for success, not like a slob. You will find that people will take you more seriously.
- Take care of your skin. Skin should be well cared for and clear of imperfections. Wash your face everyday and remember to wear sunscreen or shade hats. Try to give yourself a mask facial once a week.
- Maintain your nails. Clear coat on your fingernails; color or french pedicure on your toes. Don't let the skin around them get dry to the point that they crack, and stop biting your nails. If you polish them, go for a natural French manicure, clear polish, or even neutral, solid-colored polish (not bold, like red or blue or black). Don't let the polish chip off, and don't let your nails get too long. Nails should be in neutral colors and medium short in length on girls and trimmed short on boys.

6

Always be ready for everything.

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If you have a cell phone, always make sure that it's fully charged. You never know when you will be stuck in a situation where you are stuck on your own. You will be very thankful that you brought your cell phone with you. A perfectionist cannot be perfect if they are unprepared!

7

Set high standards for yourself.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.}

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You want to set high standards, but not impossibly high if you would actually like to achieve them.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.} Find out what works for you.

8

Take extra time to make everything around you perfect, starting with your schoolwork.

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It will make you happy.

9

Do your best in school.

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- At school try to get a seat where you can clearly hear and see the teacher and chalkboard and pay attention.
- A good goal to set for yourself is to try to get mostly A's in everything you do at school including homework.
- Take notes, study for that test, focus, but most of all come to school ready to learn and try not to worry about the social scene too much, after all, that's not what school is for.^{[6]
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- Try to join extracurricular activities but only if you know it will not bring your grades down.
- Follow school rules. There's a reason why they've been set in place. By following rules, not only do you avoid getting in trouble, but troublemakers are often though less of, so you'll look like a better person. To be a perfectionist, you have to be a perfect student!

10

At home, try your best to please your parents.

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i.e. go to bed on time, offer to wash the dishes, bring in the groceries, teach your little brother how to tie his shoes, etc. No matter how tempting it is, if you know there's something you should be doing (no matter how badly you don't want to do it), do it!
- Create a chore chart for yourself. Once you have organized your space, make a list of a few small chores to do each day to help you keep up with your organization.

11

Have good personal style.

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- Girls should dress neatly and appropriately. Any style can work for a perfectionist, just remember to pay attention to detail. Wearing quality, classic clothes is your best bet. Follow your school's dress code!
- For boys try to wear things such as t-shirts with checks, and fabric pants, and, just like the girls, wear items that look crisp and fresh and are well coordinated. And, no matter your gender, always follow your school's dress code.

12

Have good hygiene.^{[7]
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- Remember to always be clean: run a comb through your hair, keep your nails dirt-free and neat, brush your teeth and bath/shower.
- When spraying perfume, be sure to use just enough, but not too much. Excessive use of perfume isn't attractive and does not improve your hygiene, despite popular belief.
- Never have greasy hair. Use dry shampoo, if you do not have time to wash it.
- Maintain your nails. Clear coat on your fingernails; color or french pedicure on your toes. Don't let the skin around them get dry to the point that they crack, and stop biting your nails. If you polish them, go for a natural French manicure, clear polish, or even neutral, solid-colored polish (not bold, like red or blue or black). Don't let the polish chip off, and don't let your nails get too long. Nails should be in neutral colors and medium short in length on girls and trimmed short on boys.

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Question

How does a perfectionist think?

Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Carolyn Rubenstein is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Florida. She specializes in working with adults on anxiety, perfectionism, and burnout. She is also the Chief Wellness Adviser for global esports organization Misfits Gaming Group. Dr. Rubenstein holds a BA in Psychology from Duke University, an MA in Psychology from Harvard University, and a PhD in Counseling Psychology from The University of Miami. She also has a Certification in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing through the EMDRIA (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing International Association).

Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Perfectionists have very high standards for themselves. They set the bar for themselves high and are always looking to fulfill their potential. They never sell themselves short.

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Question

Is being a perfectionist a weakness?

Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Carolyn Rubenstein is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Florida. She specializes in working with adults on anxiety, perfectionism, and burnout. She is also the Chief Wellness Adviser for global esports organization Misfits Gaming Group. Dr. Rubenstein holds a BA in Psychology from Duke University, an MA in Psychology from Harvard University, and a PhD in Counseling Psychology from The University of Miami. She also has a Certification in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing through the EMDRIA (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing International Association).

Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

It can be when you don't offer yourself constructive criticism. You should focus on offering yourself advices about what you're doing, always evaluating your performance and improving. Perfectionism can be a problem, but that critical and reflective thinking can be helpful and refining.

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Tips

It's a good idea to carry a notepad and pen with you at all times so you can write things down as they come to you (usually at the most inconvenient times, which is why they're so promptly forgotten). If you're worried about fitting a notepad in your pants pocket, don't be. Check bookstores and office supply centers to find a notepad slim enough for any pocket. Of course, if your planner is compact enough, it can serve this purpose as well. Another idea would be to have a PDA, Blackberry or palm Pilot. Some cell phones have notification or note-taking menus. If you are using one of those, they may be practical too. As a last resort, call your own phone number and leave yourself a voice mail.

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If you have a phone, try saving all of your important dates and everything else in it.

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Post-it notes are your friend. Put them in nifty spots as reminders. For example, if you know you need to wash your car, then put a post-it note on your steering wheel so that next time you get in your car, you remember to get it done. Other good spots for post-it notes are doorknobs, mirrors, and PC monitors (the borders, not the actual screen).

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Warnings

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Let loose! We are put on this planet to be happy, and you should never do things that bring you down.

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Try not to be overly critical of yourself on this journey.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.}

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