How to Be a Tough Girl

Co-authored by Leah Morris

Last Updated: November 16, 2024 References

Have you ever wished you were stronger? That you could stand up for yourself when it really mattered? And say exactly what’s on your mind? Well, now you can. You can become the tough girl you’ve always imagined with these simple steps.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Thinking like a Tough Girl

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If you want to be tough, you first have to start accepting yourself for who you are. If you prefer staying up late to read science-fiction, as opposed to keeping up with the hottest television show, so be it. If a group of people think something’s funny, but you don’t, so what? Pretending to be someone you’re not is an obvious sign of insecurity or weakness. People can easily pick up on it, and you surely won’t look so tough if someone calls you out on it.
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Improve your self-confidence. This goes hand-in-hand with step 1. If you’ve accepted who you are, then you have the groundwork you need to become self-confident. What does this have to do with being a tough girl? Easy. If you’re confident and comfortable in who you are, then you can confidently handle any situation that comes your way. You’ll be confident in your beliefs and the decisions you make. And you won’t be afraid to let others know it. Here are some ways you can improve your self-confidence.^{[1]
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- Make a list of things you admire about yourself, your strengths, and achievements on a sheet of paper. Turn a blank sheet of paper horizontally and either fold into thirds or simply draw two vertical lines to create three columns. In each column, write at least five things you like about yourself, at least five things you feel you’re great at, and at least five things you’re proud to have achieved. Do you think you have a great smile? Do you have a knack for making people laugh when they’re feeling down? Are you proud of the evening you spent feeding the homeless? Write down whatever comes to mind. Read over your list often as a reminder of how great you are.
- Think positively about yourself. Pinpoint a couple qualities about yourself (maybe some that you wrote down in your list) and think about them often. Another tip: take those negative thoughts and reverse them. If you’re thinking, “I hate the way I look,” you could say: “My eyes are really pretty.”^{[2]
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- Use affirmations to boost your confidence.
- Call a friend or somebody who is super supportive and get positive reinforcement from them.
- Dress to feel better about yourself. If you feel your wardrobe doesn’t reflect the real you or make you happy, find clothes that do. If you have a favorite top, find more tops with similar qualities. Choose clothing that enhances the physical features you admire. If you have a great pair of legs, put on a pair of shorts or find a dress that lets you show them off. Part Two on how to look like a tough girl will show you how to update your wardrobe to reflect your new tough girl persona.
- Exercise regularly. Go walking or jogging daily. Take up a sport or participate in a group exercise you might enjoy. While this will help you feel better about yourself, it will also help you feel tougher as your muscles grow.
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Tough girls could care less what others think of them because they realize one very important thing: what another person thinks has nothing to do with them. Tough girls don’t measure their self-worth by other people’s opinions. Once you let go of the importance of what people think, you gain power in difficult situations, and you become tougher.^{[3]
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When you learn not to take things personally, you become better able to deal with rejection and criticism. Most people who don’t feel tough, feel they can’t handle challenging situations. Being tough means you push through those difficult moments. So when faced with a situation where someone confronts you, be cool and calm. Don't let it faze you. Act as if that person is wasting your time.
Being tough isn't about looking mean and having bulging biceps, it's about being able to take whatever comes. Cultivate an inner calm that can't be unsettled by other people. You can walk around acting tough all day long, but if you are easily upset, your toughness will be perceived as a façade.^{[4]
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If you want to be tough, then you need to surround yourself with tough people who can give you advice and backup if needed. You can learn from these friends by listening to and watching how they hold their ground in tough situations.
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Maintain a healthy relationship with your significant other. Intimate relationships are a good place to gauge how tough you are. There’s usually one person in the relationship who takes on the more dominant role. It’s a good idea to make sure the dynamic of your relationship is a healthy one.
- Take notice of how you act around your significant other. Do you find yourself mostly doing activities, watching certain movies, or eating meals that appeal only to your sweetheart? If so, you need to toughen up and take a more assertive role as a partner.
- To be tougher in your relationship, start by speaking up about what you like. If you’d prefer to a nice hearty burger instead of sushi, let your significant other know. If you want to watch a romantic comedy instead of a thriller, suggest watching your preferred movie one night and your significant other’s the next. Healthy relationships have balance. Allow equal time for your significant other and you to explore both of your interests together.
- If you have a disagreement, don’t think you need to scream and shout just to stand up for what you believe. Let your significant know that you acknowledge his or her feelings or point of view, and then be honest and open about your feelings and needs. State your opinion directly, without being apologetic.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Looking like a Tough Girl

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Tough girls aren’t known for their bubbly personalities. An easy way not to smile is to scowl. To do this bite down on the insides of your cheeks, which will turn the corners of your lips downward.
2
Revamp your wardrobe. If your current wardrobe consists primarily of floral prints and bright colored frocks, you’ll need to make a change.
- The color black is a primary color in the tough girls’ wardrobe. So consider wearing all-black outfits or outfits in which a primary piece is black. Wear ripped denim, and clothing with a skull and bones theme. As long as you have a parents or guardians permission.
- Pick out ripped denim and clothing with a skull and bones theme.
- If you don’t already own these two items, make sure you purchase a motorcycle jacket and a nice pair of leather boots.
- Incorporate tough-girl accessories. Accessories will help pull your outfit together, and help emphasize your tough-girl image. Spikes are a common accessory that can be found on bracelets, rings, or parts of your clothing, like the collar of a blouse or the sleeves of a jacket. You can also look for jewelry with the skull and bones image. Pick up a pair of dark sunglasses to toughen up your look. Hiding your eyes will make you seem mysterious and unapproachable.
Some noticeably tough-looking hairstyles include short, spiky hairdos and fauxhawks or Mohawks. You can shave one or both sides of your head. Or ask your stylist to give your hair a pop of color, like neon blue or purple. Always make sure it is okay with you parent or guardian before doing this.
Choose a bold (typically dark) lip color, dark eyeshadow, and thick mascara. The heavy colors will darken your expression, and give you the “don’t mess with me” look you want.

Part 3

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Acting like a Tough Girl

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Tough girls choose their words wisely, and speak only when necessary. By not talking, they come off as mysterious. People tend to fear mysterious. How to communicate without talking? Respond with body language, like a turn of your head or a grunt.
2
Be assertive. Assertiveness is the essence of toughness. If you want people to take you seriously, and if you want to appear tough, then you must learn how to be assertive.
- There are two ways to be assertive – through your body language and by what you say.
- To show your assertiveness towards someone: face them directly, keeping your back straight, and look them straight in the eye.
- Remain calm, but firm when you speak. Make sure whatever you say is direct and honest. State your point of view without being hesitant and without being apologetic.
- To sound tough, start off by saying to someone "Listen...” Speak strongly and get right to the point. And then at the end say "You understand me?" and wait for their response.
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Be the person in authority. When things need to get handled, tough girls step in. You must be willing to take control of a situation.
- If you’re with a group of friends, move to the front of the pack, so people know you’re the leader and the one they’ll have to deal with.
- If you and your friends are getting picked on or treated unfairly, speak up.
- Stand your ground by standing in their way or getting in their personal space. You can do this without expecting things to suddenly get physical. At about a foot and a half from someone you’re considered to be in their personal space. Once you get close, speak firmly.^{[5]
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Take on a physical activity to help channel your aggression and develop your self-defense. Physical activity is a great way toughen up physically and mentally. You’re not only strengthening your body, you’re also developing the discipline you need to handle difficult situations.
- Lift weights to tone your body and build muscle mass.
- Join a self-defense class like kickboxing or martial arts. While you’ll not only learn how to better protect yourself, you may also gain a new group of tough-girl friends.
- Participate in a contact sport, like flag football, roller derby, or soccer.
- Participate in activities that force you to push yourself. Being tough is about being able to handle what comes your way, and being able to hang in there even when you’re outside of your comfort zone. Marathons are a great way to do this. Join 5K marathon, if you’re just starting out. If you’re daring, or looking for something more adventurous, look for a themed marathon. The Dirty Girl Mud Run is a good example.
Consider becoming a police officer, bounty hunter, self-defense instructor, or a member of the military. With one of these jobs under your belt, you’ll never be accused of not being tough enough. All require you to achieve a heightened level of physical fitness. And there will be moments where you’ll have to be aggressive and even confrontational.

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Do I have to wear makeup?

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Of course not! Every day, every occasion it's your choice!

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If I’m a tough girl myself, is it okay to cry?

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Yes. Tough girls have feelings, too. Be brave in public and cry in private. Just because you’re tough does not mean you can’t cry.

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Tips

Just because you're tough, doesn't mean you have to trash all your girly hobbies. If you like to knit, then knit. If you love ballet, then don't quit!

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Choose friends wisely. Choose friends that have their own opinions, but are willing to support you.

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If you’re girly or consider yourself to be very feminine, keep being that way. You can be true to who you are and still be tough.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Comebacks like winks and laughter show bullies they can't hurt you. But it's also okay to be upset — put on a brave face at school and cry at home if you need to.
Flexing muscles and crossing arms can make you look tougher physically. But real toughness comes from within, so only use intimidation when absolutely necessary.
It's totally okay to be girly and enjoy feminine things. You don't have to change who you are to seem tough. Self-acceptance is a real strength.
Crying doesn't make you weak. Tough girls have feelings, too; they just don't let them overwhelm them. Let it out in private if you need to.
Toughness is about confidence, self-control, and integrity. You can be kind, crack jokes, and still stand your ground when needed.
Help others in need to prove your strength. Toughness isn't just physical — compassion takes inner strength.

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Warnings

People may still try to bully you, but remember that it’s best to walk away.

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Don't be a bully. Bullying is not the same as being tough.

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Ditching school, alcohol, smoking and other drugs don't make you tough. Don't hang out with people who encourage these activities.

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