How to Be a Dominant Alpha Female

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Go from shy girl to girlboss with these key pointers

Co-authored by Guy Reichard

Last Updated: March 7, 2024 References

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Changing Your Attitude

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Communicating

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Looking the Part

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Q&A

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Tips

It's more common to hear people talk about alpha males and how to be one, but being an alpha female is equally important. An alpha female is a leader among her peers, whether it's at work, at home, or with friends. Even if you are a natural-born leader, you can still improve on your leadership and alpha status in all areas of your life. You can be the alpha female in the workplace as well as your own personal relationships.

Things You Should Know

Build your confidence by making a list of your best traits, and avoid putting yourself down in front of others to foster your self-esteem.
Own up to your mistakes to gain others' trust, and apologize only when it's really needed to avoid weakening your integrity.
Keep your chin up and your shoulders back to maintain a powerful posture. Volunteer for responsibilities at work, and lead the conversation by asking plenty of questions.

Part 1

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Changing Your Attitude

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This first step is certainly the hardest, but it is the most important. You need to realize that you have opinions and ideas that are worth being heard. If you don't see yourself as valuable, worthy of respect, or competent, then no one else will.
The fastest ways to build confidence in yourself is pretend in order to make your confidence believable. You want to convince yourself as well as everyone around you that you're self-assured and capable.

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Determine what you like best about yourself and your best talents and skills. You might be a good listener, imaginative, or empathetic to friends. Leave that list somewhere you can read it every day to remind yourself.
For example, push yourself to meet and network with three new people a day. You will become more comfortable with yourself around all sorts of people and develop a web of contacts. Once you've completed one goal, make a new one to work towards so that you're always pushing yourself to be more personable and popular.
You want to be critical of yourself in a healthy way that helps you grow as a person. Avoid being negative though. Be careful to not beat yourself up to where you doubt yourself. Give yourself constructive criticism in private and not in front of others because that may tell them that you don't think of highly of yourself and neither should they. ^{[1]
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Gain respect from those around you. As the alpha, you want people to recognize that you are important and worthy of their respect. This will not happen overnight; you will need to work on building relationships where people can see your integrity and honesty. Those two traits, as well as eloquence, charm, and a strong work ethic will help build up your character in people's eyes.
- Even though you want the majority of people to like you, there will be people who do not. The end goal though is for people to respect you, whether they agree with you or not. They may not like you as a friend or coworker, but make sure that they can't deny your honesty, passion, and strength.
Obviously, if you insult or hurt someone or make a mistake, you need to own up to it. But don't apologize for things that you are not accountable for because you will be perceived as weak. Females can be especially susceptible to wanting to apologize for every inconvenience but you need to determine when situations require a "pardon me"or "I'm deeply sorry." ^{[2]
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Take responsibility for your actions and own up to everything you do, whether it's an accomplishment or a mistake. This is the kind of honesty and integrity that people associate with good leaders. You don't want to blame situations or other people for your mistakes.^{[3]
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If you want people to look to you in times of stability as well as crisis, you need to be the one who does not appear to be affected by stress and pessimism. You may need to set aside emotions in order to see clearly through the storm of chaos, whether it's a looming deadline at work or a friend comes to you for help in search of advice. Use humor to lift others out of the stress, whether it's sarcastic, dry, or sincere.
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Know what you want and ask for it. First, you need to determine what you want out of life. That could be any number of things, such as a raise, a healthy and stable family, a great relationship, respect and power, or even just being happy overall. Then, once you know what it is you want to acquire, go after it.^{[4]
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- Do not be afraid. If you feel that you have a right to higher wages or respect from others, then don't hesitate.
- Be prepared to give an answer as to why you want something. You may not always have to negotiate or argue, but you want to be prepared.
- Speak clearly and firmly when asking. Hesitation is a sign of weakness. Be persistent and don't give up because your perseverance will be respected in the long run.
- Don't plead or whine because that comes across as weak. Instead, act like you will get what you want so that it will show others that you are serious about this goal or proposition.

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Working/Communicating With Others

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Take control of the room. Alpha females are like "social conductors."^{[5]
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- You don't have to be the loudest person in the room. No matter how much you say, make sure it is worth hearing. Your words have impact on the people who look up to you so take time to think before you speak.
Ask other people about themselves and be interested in them rather than turning the spotlight on yourself. If you want to be interesting, be interested in others. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, and they will like you for listening to them.
You want others to know when you're around and that the atmosphere of the room is different now that you've arrived. Practice walking into a room with your head held high, shoulders down, and a straight, firm walk. Act like you expect people to pay attention to you and they will.
Being an alpha female means that you can't be a loner. You want to be well-liked by everyone you meet and cultivate relationships that may one day lead to a future job promotion or an exciting party invitation. Don't forget to introduce people to each other. Take advantage of when you're the one person everyone knows in a group and introduce people.
You won't be best friends with the whole world, but you can make the effort to commit people's names to memory and learn something simple about them. When you remember them later, they'll like you because you made them feel important and memorable. However, remember to also have a close-knit group of friends and family on whom you can rely on to be your personal support system.
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Support other women. Alpha female traits are steeped in feminist ideals such as the notion that women should be unified and stand together in society. Being alpha female does not mean that you put down other women and degrade them in order to elevate your own status. Instead, you should strive to create a strong group of women whether in your workplace or social life.
- Use your power and influence to help better others rather than isolating yourself. Take the time to get to know the women around you and learn to see their value.
- This can lead to mentorship. Mentoring other women is a great way to use your power for good. You have the ability to influence other people and develop their skills in the workplace or socially.^{[6]
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- You have the ability to cultivate the attitude of a group. It's better to develop a healthy bond with other women rather than surround yourself with those who would rather stir up contention and drama.
As alpha female, you need to stay at the top of your game. That may mean keeping up with the latest fashion trends or going the extra mile at work to make a good impression on your boss. As alpha female you need to avoid being stagnant. Push yourself to grow and learn about your job field, hobbies, or other interests.
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Be self-reliant but don't do everything on your own. You should be capable of doing things for yourself and not be the damsel in distress in situations. This shows others that you are competent and don't need anyone.
- Just because you can fix a flat tire yourself or cook a meal for a party by yourself, doesn't mean that you can't recognize your your friends', family's, or coworkers' talents and abilities and get them involved.
- Asking others to come alongside of you and work together makes them feel needed and valued and they will look to you as the alpha.

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Looking the Part

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Dress to impress. You don't have to be decked out in a blazer, pencil skirt, and heels with a corner office to gain respect and attention from others. Dress to your own style and be consistent with it. Wear clothes that are presentable but that you also feel comfortable in in order to build your own confidence and communicate it to others.
- Invest in tailoring. Clothing that is too big or too tight will subconsciously show people that you don't know your own body and how to properly dress yourself.
- Pick out a few accessories that stand out. You can make people interested in you by choosing striking accessories such as a statement necklace or brightly colored shoes or purses.
This is a simple step but an important one. Smiling tells people that you are positive, are liable, and can be trusted. Appearing positive and well-groomed is a way to boost people's loyalty to you as the alpha.^{[7]
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As an alpha female, people will look to you for direction in life so being healthy and fit is important. It's one way to set a positive example for the people under your influence as well as protect your body from the stress of life. Be careful not to conforming to popular fads and diet trends that may not work so that you are taking care of yourself and setting a good example for others.

Community Q&A

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Question

Can I become an alpha if I'm a bit shy?

Community Answer

You can, but you have to be willing to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Getting popular and becoming the alpha of a clique will require you to talk to a lot of people and be a little sassy. You can always go back to being a little quieter once you've established your place.

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How should I act as an alpha female if I have to break up a fight?

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Try to mediate the fight, calm the situation by reminding the people involved of the consequences of the fight. Then try to resolve the issue through mediating and allowing both parties to share their part of the story. Usually after the second step the issue is resolved, since both parties have heard the opinions and therefore can clear any misunderstanding. Remember to be brave and assertive.

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How do I become an alpha female even among men?

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Start by not being some man's beta female. Regardless of gender, you are an alpha female or you are not. Being alpha doesn’t mean you have to aggressive or act like a boor. Just be an alpha.

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Tips

Use your power to your advantage, but don't abuse it.

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Pay attention to the women in your life. If there's someone you respect and admire, pay attention to what she does and imitate the quality traits that she has. Or, on the other hand, there may be women in your life who you being taken advantage of or who conform. Learn what not to do from them, but you can also use your power to help their situation.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Maintain your confidence. If anyone tries to turn you down or make fun of you, don't engage in their negativity. Allow it roll off your back, ignore them, and continue doing what you do best.
Try to be welcoming towards everyone and avoid being cliquey. This will help broaden your connections.
Have a role model that can teach you how to be strong and stick up for yourself.

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Warnings

Watch out for other alpha females. It's not impossible to coexist in the same environment, but it will be challenging because your power and influence may clash, resulting in disaster.

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