How to Become Friends with a Girl

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: August 6, 2024 Fact Checked

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Is there a girl you'd like be friends with? You like talking to her and she makes you laugh, so why not? She is fun to be around, and you'd like to just hang out with her more. Maybe she even has cute friends! This is how you can do it.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Sparking a Friendship

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1
Make her laugh. The simplest way to become someone she wants to be around is to make her laugh. When she thinks of being around you, she thinks of having a good time -- bingo! You're in. Feel out her sense of humor and keep the good times rolling.
- This is a way to also keep the situation light and fun. Making her laugh lets her know that you're just trying to have a good time, whether it's the middle of 5th period history that's a total drag or after a particularly intense practice that took all Thursday night. Brighten her day and she may want you around. However, don't just be the class clown all the time; that will make you look one-dimensional and, frankly, kind of boring after a week or so.
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Be bold. Lots of people are shy when it comes to reaching out to others. She may love to have a new friend like you, but she might not make herself vulnerable and put it all out there on the line. Be bold and amp up the conversation. Ask her her opinions on things, questions about your classes/hobbies/mutual friends, and just keep the conversation going.^{[1]
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- Take note of what she's wearing, carrying, or seems interested in. Be observant. Does she have wikiHow pulled up on her phone? Awesome -- you read this sweet article the other day on how to regain control of a spooked camel. What's her favorite article?
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Try to be in some of the same places. In order to become friends with a girl, you have to become familiar to her first. A girl may not be comfortable with a stranger walking up to her and starting a conversation out of the blue, but if she's seen you around and you've seen her around, that barrier falls. You're no longer scary. Are you in a few of her classes? Do you share a hobby? Great.^{[2]
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- It's actually proven that humans like things the more they are exposed to them. It's the reason the same song gets played over and over on the radio and why commercials get repeated endlessly. So the more she's exposed to you, the more she'll be inclined to like you. In psychology, this is called the mere-exposure effect (in case you were curious).^{[3]
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- If you have to, put yourself in her line of fire. Does she always sit towards the left side of the classroom? Can she be found at a certain Starbucks on Wednesday afternoons? If you know where she'll be, be there once in a while. As long as you're not breathing down her neck, you're on the right track.
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Interact with her. Okay, now that you both know who each other is and that you have a certain something in common, you've got to interact with her. It can be as simple as a passing remark about your teacher's ridiculous tie or a question about what time practice is next week. Don't be afraid to start off small -- after all, you've gotta start somewhere.^{[4]
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- She's a girl. She's just a girl. There are billions of them on this planet. When you ask her a question or make a funny comment, you will not spontaneously light on fire and the world will not explode. If she's friend material, she'll be happy to respond. Most girls are no different from guys when it comes to conversation.
- Don't come on too strong! Friendships develop over time and it can really make a girl uncomfortable if you start treating her like your best friend when you've only just met, especially if she's shy or socially awkward.
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Don't forget—positive social interactions start with a curious mindset! If you focus on the joy of interacting with her rather than fixating on a specific goal (like landing a date), you'll likely be more satisfied with the outcome.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Cultivating a Friendship

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1
Treat her like a lady. Girls need to know that you respect them and value their companionship, even if you don't want to date her. So while you need to think of her as a normal person, refrain from being a dude's dude around her right away. Hold a door for her, cover her if she's short on change, text her if she's going through a tough time, tell her she looks nice before a big event -- the small stuff.
- Be delicate with this. While a certain amount of flirting can be nice, it has to be within reason and done right. You don't want to mislead her! Just think of yourself as a gentleman around her.
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Be valuable to her. This step has absolutely nothing to do with making friends with girls and everything to do with just making friends. Do you have any friends that don't add something to your life? Probably not. So be of value to her. What "value" is depends on you. What are you good at? What do you know? Why should she want to keep you around? What makes you a good friend?^{[5]
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- And yes, there are answers to all those questions. Maybe you're really smart, funny, or know lots of different people. Maybe you've traveled a lot or have an interesting hobby. Zero in on what makes you you and put that out there. If you're smart, help her with a class; if you're funny, keep her laughing; if you're well-connected, introduce her to some new people she might like. Make yourself valuable.
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Splash around the praise. Girls love compliments that are genuine. As long as you keep it clear that you're not hitting on her, she'll love the praise. Is she wearing an awesome Daft Punk shirt? Tell her! Did she do great at the volleyball game last night? Tell her! Everyone loves feeling good about themselves. Make her feel that way, too.
- This is a touchy one. You do not want to tell her, "Your eyes are like pools of moonlight that see into my soul." Nor do you want to tell her, "Ohmigod, you're so smart!" when she just got a D on an exam. Your compliments have to be well-placed and genuine. Girls can tell when a compliment is forced and fake. Try turning things around and complimenting her in a subtle way.
- Try to center the compliment around something you like about them physically or energetically, like "You're so easy to be around—I like talking to you."
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Lend her your gear and borrow hers. The iPod, the laptop, the books, the guitar, you know the drill. Both of you should feel it's okay to share treasured things with one another. Don't just suggest it out of nowhere or it might look like a technique. Wait until the opportunity presents itself.^{[6]
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- Or, you know, create the opportunity. Did you miss a class the other day? Ask to borrow her notes. Does she have the 4th season of Archer? Aww, man, you gotta borrow that right now! The street runs both ways, for sure, but you can start it. When you ask to borrow things from her, it cues her that it's okay for her to borrow things from you.
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Laugh at her jokes. Since you're cracking jokes here, there, and everywhere, she's probably going to throw in a few, too. If they're not funny, let her know by changing the topic or slightly modifying what she said. Laughter will bond the two of you, even if the joke isn't Facebook status worthy.
- Friends give each other a certain amount of crap. Even though she's a girl, there is still crap to be given! If she throws out a particularly bad joke, you're allowed to tease her a bit. This interaction somehow builds solidarity and as long as you're good-natured about it, she'll respond with a smile.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Becoming Good Friends

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1
Always be there for her. She should know that she can count on you through thick and thin. You'll offer her a shoulder to cry on when her relationships go wrong. You'll drive her to the station in the middle of the night to get back to her family in the pouring rain. That you'll study with her for a really hard test. This doesn't have to be said -- after enough time, it'll be understood.
- Girls get emotional. When she gets like this, it's important just to listen. She may not want an actual solution, regardless of how much she's complaining. Being there, listening to her, and telling her she can handle whatever she's going through is infinitely valuable on its own.
Esther Perel, Psychotherapist

Friends are one of life's great constants. "Friends provide community and continuity in an ever changing world. They’re often the witnesses of our lives that accompany us when lovers come and go, but the friends are there to stay."
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Let your other friends know she's your friend, period. If they want to date her, it's fine by you but you're always keeping an eye out for her. That'll keep them on the straight and narrow too. And that's what being a true friend is all about. After all, she's like your sister, but better (no fighting over the bathroom).
- Let your girlfriend know she's your friend, period, too! Sometimes girls get a bit intimidated by other girls; if you approach this topic like it's no big deal, your lady should (hopefully) not have a problem. Heck, maybe the two of them will even hit it off!
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Stay open about your feelings. There's a school of thought that says guys and girls won't always be "just friends." At one point in time or another, either she'll have feelings for you or you'll have feelings for her. If this does happen (which it might), stay open about it. The absolute worst is living in a does-she-or-doesn't-she state of mind. Avoid this by being direct.
- And because you're such good friends, you can do this! Hopefully she'll be direct with you, too. If you start to notice mixed signals and you think she might be developing feelings, let her know how much you appreciate her friendship. There are delicate ways you can tell her you're just friends without hurting her feelings. Nip the problem in the bud as soon as you can!

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I try to talk to a girl who I want to be friends with, but she said I get on her nerves. What should I do?

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That's kind of a rude thing to say, so you are probably better off looking for friendship elsewhere.

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Just because she talks to you one day doesn't mean she likes you. Don't think that she is your best friend on the first day you talk to her and that you can joke all you want with her.
Girls like people who they can hang with outside of work/school. This makes them feel like they are thought about and that they matter to the other person.
Try to be more comedic; practice joking and watch funny comedians. If you can make them laugh, you are on the right track (comedic timing is everything).

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Warnings

Don't touch her too much, especially in the early stages of the friendship. She might take it the wrong way and feel uncomfortable. Hugs, high fives, and fist bumps are all fine.

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Don't talk perverted about her or toward her. That may fly with your guy friends, but in most cases with a girl, that just makes her want to puke, and definitely doesn't make her want to hang around you. If you have no respect for her then why should she be friends with you?

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Act the same way around her when you're with your friends. Don't start making stupid jokes or "try" acting cool because you're around your friends. Girls hate that!

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