This article was co-authored by Julia Yacoob, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.
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Self-control is your ability to manage your emotions, reactions, and behavior. It’s important because a high level of self-control will make it easier to make the changes you need to make in order to lead to a more fulfilling life. While self-control may sound like something innate, you can actually build your self-control the same way you can build your muscles! Here, we’re going to break down all of the scientifically-proven ways you can cultivate more self-control so that you can feel like the best version of yourself.
Things You Should Know
- Start small by choosing 1-2 goals that require self-control instead of trying to change everything overnight.
- Maintain a positive attitude and combat black-and-white thinking whenever you start judging yourself for giving in to an urge.
- In the long run, regular exercise and plenty of sleep can make it a lot easier to control yourself and change your habits.
Steps
Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhy do I lack self control?Amy WongAmy Eliza Wong is a Leadership and Transformational Coach and the Founder of Always on Purpose, a private practice for individuals and executives looking for help in increasing personal well-being and success and in transforming work cultures, developing leaders, and improving retention. With over 20 years of experience, Amy coaches one-on-one and conducts workshops and keynotes for businesses, medical practices, non-profits, and universities. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Amy is a regular instructor at Stanford Continuing Studies, holds an MA in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University, a certification in Transformational Life Coaching from Sofia University, and a certification in Conversational Intelligence from CreatingWE Institute.
Leadership & Transformational CoachIt's very likely that the things you want are not lining up with the things you're doing. For example, if you're impulsively doodling in class, it's very likely that you don't want to engage on an emotional level. Figuring out why you're not able to control yourself is the first step in addressing the actual underlying problem. -
QuestionWhy can't I stop lashing out and getting jealous?Amy WongAmy Eliza Wong is a Leadership and Transformational Coach and the Founder of Always on Purpose, a private practice for individuals and executives looking for help in increasing personal well-being and success and in transforming work cultures, developing leaders, and improving retention. With over 20 years of experience, Amy coaches one-on-one and conducts workshops and keynotes for businesses, medical practices, non-profits, and universities. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Amy is a regular instructor at Stanford Continuing Studies, holds an MA in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University, a certification in Transformational Life Coaching from Sofia University, and a certification in Conversational Intelligence from CreatingWE Institute.
Leadership & Transformational CoachWhen you trust someone, you feel safe. If you don't trust someone, you're naturally going to lash out or react. Getting to the source of your anxiety here is paramount. Is there something from your past that's making it hard to trust other people, or handle conflict in a reasonable way? If there is, you need to address that before you can move on and wrangle control back over your emotions. -
QuestionWhat does it really mean to have self control?Amy WongAmy Eliza Wong is a Leadership and Transformational Coach and the Founder of Always on Purpose, a private practice for individuals and executives looking for help in increasing personal well-being and success and in transforming work cultures, developing leaders, and improving retention. With over 20 years of experience, Amy coaches one-on-one and conducts workshops and keynotes for businesses, medical practices, non-profits, and universities. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Amy is a regular instructor at Stanford Continuing Studies, holds an MA in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University, a certification in Transformational Life Coaching from Sofia University, and a certification in Conversational Intelligence from CreatingWE Institute.
Leadership & Transformational CoachIt means that you're in control of your thoughts, your ability to focus, and your emotions. It means that you're self-aware and able to process what's going on internally.
Reader Videos
Tips
References
- ↑ Amy Wong. Leadership & Transformational Coach. Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.
- ↑ https://www.ucop.edu/local-human-resources/_files/performance-appraisal/How%20to%20write%20SMART%20Goals%20v2.pdf
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/staying-positive-during-difficult-times-2020100121047
- ↑ Julia Yacoob, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.
- ↑ Amy Wong. Leadership & Transformational Coach. Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/10/smarter-living/improve-self-control.html
- ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6971834/
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-often-you-should-work-out/
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34157493/
- ↑ Amy Wong. Leadership & Transformational Coach. Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.
- ↑ Julia Yacoob, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.
- ↑ https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2012/01/breaking-bad-habits
- ↑ Amy Wong. Leadership & Transformational Coach. Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.
- ↑ Julia Yacoob, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-chronicles-infertility/201912/how-ask-your-people-emotional-support
- ↑ https://www.betterup.com/blog/reward-yourself
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/treatment-tests-and-therapies/knowing-when-to-seek-treatment
About This Article
To build self-control, start by recognizing impulsive thoughts and placing a time restriction on when you can act on these thoughts. For example, if spending money is an area you want to work on, place a 24 hour hold on purchases to give you time to think about your actions. If your craving is immediate, like smoking a cigarette or eating a sugary treat, then try closing your eyes and breathing slowly into your belly for 5 minutes to calm your body and mind. Alternatively, find a healthy distraction, like knitting, going for a walk, or texting a friend. To learn how to build long-term self-control, keep reading!
Reader Success Stories
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"There are three things that helped, actually: "the key is progress, not perfection"; "the more you become aware of yourself and patterns, the easier it will be to see challenging times coming"; "if you learn from a mistake, it's not a failure, neither are you". Thanks. :)"..." more